| regarding some deleted poem... |
4-Nov-03/7:20 PM |
An experience at work?
it illustrates a lack of understanding that there is more than one way to skin a cat (other than fold or punch).
Maybe the writer will nod in agreement then, machiavelli-like, bend the result to his will behind the scenes??
Nah, thats just crazy talk.
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| Re: The hypocrisy of calling it tolerance by impert&ent |
4-Nov-03/7:27 PM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
5-Nov-03/8:00 AM |
don't go, oh subject of this poem - this place needs more people who aren't rude.
It has a good premise, and a great execution - we just need a broader audience.
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| Re: I AM THE BEST by ____________________ |
5-Nov-03/12:09 PM |
oh god. My head hurts.
Three stanzas and I would have liked it just fine - I might have even repeated it to *myself* a hundred times after - cuz it's catchy.
Now I just want to take a pill and hope it goes away.
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| Re: i love this shit by Yatasuma |
5-Nov-03/12:35 PM |
LoL - very funny.
five seven then five
do you need an abacus?
I counted this thrice.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
6-Nov-03/6:00 AM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
6-Nov-03/7:02 AM |
Well described
"A rose of crimson, a body falling"; nice.
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| Re: A Truth About Mortals by Caducus |
6-Nov-03/8:26 AM |
Some really good concepts, like the boxed russian dolls, manufacturing linked with Taiwanese children, sardines brined from stress (sweaty sweaty) - but I think the thing could use a diet, and the meaning wanders a bit, imho (as usual).
for example, the word truth is there a few times too many maybe. Given what is here, ask yourself, again, what point(s) your are trying to make, and make a stab at refocusing it. You may find you have enough trimmings for another poem.
As a final thought - consider changing it to a third person. I know, I know - your poem conveys a personal message of self-definition - but I think you can do that, and hold the readers sympathies better if there is a character involved.
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| Re: God bless your stool plop by <{Baba^Yaga}> |
6-Nov-03/8:35 AM |
I'm sorry, this is crap.
In all your personalities you show a gift for fresh perspective - and that comes easily to you.
But this putting it into a readable form thing; harder, eh?
- when you find that the poem just drops out of you, instead of just posting the shit - how about spending a little time to form it into something presentable?
Maybe then you won't need nine avatars to carry things to the screen.
The shock of the stink only carries you so far (or I've just gotten used to it).
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| Re: BREATH by ShaNoN+960317485 |
6-Nov-03/8:48 AM |
greets ShabigNlittleOHbigN
A clever riddle, pleasantly done. Didja mean to leave the "e" off of hast[e]? Hard to tell with the dialect.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
6-Nov-03/6:27 PM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
6-Nov-03/6:30 PM |
rolls right along.
suggestion:
Endless pain[s]
Motion drain[s]
a nice distillation.
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| Re: Thoughts by tori |
6-Nov-03/6:32 PM |
typo:
Don't let i[t] go
damn! I forgot what I wuz gonna type.
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| Re: Sorry by tori |
6-Nov-03/6:44 PM |
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A difficult road - and a very nice expression of it.
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| Re: Marrowless highway by INTRANSIT |
6-Nov-03/6:52 PM |
I get it - CARachters; a coinage!
a blown radiator - is one car heaped onto another?
car clues: [mercury] sable, [plymouth] voyager, [i forgot, honda?] Escape? hemi as partial - cute.
here are some car cues of mine:
16G,1G BOV,2600ACT,AFC,MSD - is that enough to guess what it is?
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
6-Nov-03/6:58 PM |
I had one of those a while back - hit a phone pole with it.
A bad injector?
A nice descriptive bit of motorhead writing - and it even rhymes; must be good.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
7-Nov-03/7:28 AM |
Thanks IT, and Z - I see that, too - easy to get caught up in the thing. Once an image is there, hard to decide what to trim.
I've been doing bonsai for the past 10 years or so - same damn thing. But for the sake of the ultimate vision, and the good of the plant...
snip snip twist twist.
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| Re: Awefucked by a Shushin Shitzu (freefuck) by <{Baba^Yaga}> |
7-Nov-03/9:01 PM |
I am honored, truly honored.
[wipes eye, ass; flushes]
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| Re: Naylor's Handbag by Bobjim |
7-Nov-03/9:07 PM |
Love the title.
The rest - quite good too, catchy and smoove. Nice!
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| Re: Paper Bag Scenario by dragonfly |
7-Nov-03/9:11 PM |
I like this quite alot.
Does anyone remember the unknown comic (Gong Show)? He wore a bag on his head too.
Did you shed your clothes for the unkown comic??
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