Re: iron coil by Shit-Crumpets	18-Nov-03/7:02 PM
A supreme effort. Very much liked. ;O] -10-
regarding some deleted poem...	19-Nov-03/7:10 PM
there is some quite excellent language in there, and the ending is gracefully delivered from the previous stanza's full-on self-conscious flow. I'd like to see some of the descriptiveness trimmed [weeded?] out, but hesitant for the risk of loosing the feeling of dreamlike recollection/fantasy this brings. For example, "we walk...", "we scrawl..." - might be worth a look, dunno. I like it better than the "5" at the bottom - -8.5- so I'll round up.
regarding some deleted poem...	20-Nov-03/7:49 AM
a good start to something - if you want it to stand alone, you'll likely need to hack away a good bit of it. I feel like a salesman for the cinquain corporation. I'm having some trouble mentally unparsing balls and swallow though - and "dialate", having witnessed the birth of four children, doesn't help my attempts. -7-
Re: Intersection by INTRANSIT	20-Nov-03/7:51 AM
I don't understand a few parts of it, but I like how flows and how it comes together at the end. -8-
Re: thor an his hammer by baphomet	20-Nov-03/8:01 AM
sorry to break up the little family dinner table chat, but I think this is where the real talent lies. sure, the spelling is comical, but with the included excuse it adds to the thing ("never reveal the truth behind the misspelled meaning"). It wanders a bit though, as if to hear itself wandering - and that can be enjoyable to a certain extent - as long as the mental wanderings aren't an excuse for a lack of structure or meaning. -8- for the benefit of the doubt.
Re: Blessing in desguise by GekoHawaii	20-Nov-03/8:09 AM
Excellent handle :O) The poem... "It keeps us human in our minds And whispers to us sweet reminds" is very nice "Then would I feel emotion true Or would emotions grow askew?" is a not so nice (*very*) difficult to pull off questions, especially in first person). As a lyric is flows along well enough with the usual disclaimers, but i think you might be better served to make the same observations from another perspective and make it a poem. -7-
Re: The lasts of Joe by Freethinker1602	20-Nov-03/8:57 AM
This is desperate frustration pleasantly and simply delivered - I'm tempted to not like that it might be *too* simple - but it works. how in god's name did you put seven poems up? -8-
regarding some deleted poem...	20-Nov-03/1:39 PM
it's a, ah - RONDINE. Named after a waitress in a New Jersey diner who was prone to rhyming her orders to the kitchen staff. Okay. I made that part up...
Re: Tales of Woah (Episode #1 Corp. Shin Shines) by Jeremi B. Handrinos	25-Nov-03/8:59 PM
Catchy character names, to be sure, and it should do well on www.proseranker.com.
Re: Grind by INTRANSIT	25-Nov-03/9:03 PM
interesting. I have pause with this bit: "This fathom My fathom underneath " - was this intentional; the abruptness and lack of punctuation with the next line capped makes me scratch my head. the line with edible dirt has a very nice impression to it. not sure what to make of this one, but generally I'm the happier for it. have a sideways infinity (and yes, I have that line in something already) -8-
regarding some deleted poem...	25-Nov-03/10:08 PM
Symbolism feels political... tamarisk... sickle, wreath - was thinking Tajikistan, but no yellow. An Egyptian boat crossing is my next theory - possibly as depicted in petroglyphs found in the desert. If so, then the "...wait in the dead hours" is rather clever with "red eye". I'm gonna give this a ten, if only for myself for working through it.
Re: Mr Zero? Your a coward. by DreamerSupreme	26-Nov-03/10:16 PM
ditto
regarding some deleted poem...	27-Nov-03/4:20 PM
I actually like this, not sure why you would want to toast it. maybe used "pulchritudinous" once too many times? -8-
Re: 0 by MacFrantic	27-Nov-03/10:19 PM
such things do boggle the mind.
regarding some deleted poem...	27-Nov-03/10:20 PM
was working until about the second to last line.
regarding some deleted poem...	27-Nov-03/10:25 PM
may you never be accused of being unpoetic again: "Your breath upon my throat, It reveals your ardent will. Over me, this deep desire, Will constantly spill." horrey shirt, thats good stuff, Swift. You must definitely keep that, the last though... brings it down a notch - maybe burn it? nice! as payment for the glow of that one stanza: -9-
regarding some deleted poem...	27-Nov-03/10:29 PM
other buch metter probably pulled from your bum; dis one much too dumb.
regarding some deleted poem...	29-Nov-03/7:45 AM
The preceding dashes on each last line are used to indicate italics.
Re: A Good Stretch by kingit	29-Nov-03/2:16 PM
I like it lots - but I struggle for meaning - a sexual encounter? This thing you do with the line spaces and break... works. A pleasant, inviting cadence. -9-
regarding some deleted poem...	29-Nov-03/2:19 PM
I have the same sentiment as IT, but I've written this kind of thing too; tried to capture that - that thing there. it rings true, but its a familar, nearly 'given' sound. -8-