Re: An Ode to Gobbling by horus8	29-Nov-03/2:23 PM
heh - funny - but "mouthful of pee"? blech. deft weaving of rythm and rhyme; have a nine. -9-
regarding some deleted poem...	1-Dec-03/2:17 PM
Serious sweetness tastily spaced and punctuated - such beautiful precision. -9-
regarding some deleted poem...	1-Dec-03/2:21 PM
a lovely, tight package - much enjoyed.
regarding some deleted poem...	2-Dec-03/8:46 AM
hmmmm.... I can see how six would have completed the journey, but eight? Thinking... Maybe everyone except the first six mentioned, meaning the four en-route (back) + three swimmers + one on horseback?
regarding some deleted poem...	2-Dec-03/8:54 AM
It does convey a sadness, and sympathy; perhaps near empathy. Too many words maybe? I'd like to see a distilation of this. -7-
regarding some deleted poem...	2-Dec-03/10:25 AM
The flow is quite nice, Richa - and i think it matches well with the leaf and the kite; blowing and touching.
regarding some deleted poem...	2-Dec-03/5:00 PM
some very good words here - but so many - so many that they could work together well, I think. I have a test I use when I fear that I may sound too pretentious (whenever many large words appear you run that risk): scramble some of the sentences, or swap them from one stanza to the next and see if your meaning remains - if it does - then you prolly don't have any. You may find, however, that the sentences stand individually, or - that the syntactical codification remains consistent; in that grammatical eventuality one might dispense with structural, or concrete limitations... I wonder how this would do as one solid block of text?
regarding some deleted poem...	2-Dec-03/5:02 PM
btw - it certainly makes as much, or as little sense as many other poems do with consistently smaller/easier words. I do not mean that as a crit - because I can derive meaning from this one.
regarding some deleted poem...	3-Dec-03/7:08 AM
it's fair - I give it a 12. ;o) Good stuff, K.
Re: my hunger has become a hunger for revenge by nentwined	3-Dec-03/1:33 PM
this is good [smiling, slowly backs toward door] "My dumpling's plumb been plucked, and by a lesser man," - an excellent line.
Re: Devilution by Jeremi B. Handrinos	3-Dec-03/1:37 PM
I much like this - is most excerrent. You pumped this out quickly too, didn't you?
Re: ?? by timvick473662003	4-Dec-03/9:30 AM
A sorrowful sentiment - but there is truth in it. I'm torn whether to crit on the simplicity of it - the easy idiom with blue moon, the telling not showing... but you know what? the effect is to add to the sense of ennui. The title even adds to the defeated/deflated realism. I've done maybe a half dozen poems with a similar theme and really they all boil down to the same thing; they boil down to this. So - have an 8 and keep writing.
Re: life in general by timvick473662003	4-Dec-03/9:36 AM
What you have here is a list of poems that are waiting for you to write (God told me to tell you that - that, and "tell him to wash his Me-damned socks"). I used to do more of this "mouthpiece of God" thing, but there's no prophet in it.
regarding some deleted poem...	4-Dec-03/10:23 AM
No, No - I got it; don't tell me... Hmmmmm [rubs chin]. This is a representation of evolutionary paths - forever changing, but everpresent. Genetic sequences adding and subtracting, random selection - traits and characteristics bound and unbound. Though races may differ they are still of the same material, yet always growing/adapting; never adult... OR this represents the capitalist inclination to think everything, including time itself, revolves around the same economic, and therfore social goals - a kind of socioeconomicentric world-view similar to that of a child: "mine, mine, gimme gimme". ORRR - a pscychographic representation of the street bound. Each day a repetitive drug induced halucinogenic voyage of universal, timeless understanding. Days bleed into nights, street bleeds into sky, meaning blends into non-meaning. OR! The dichotomy between the mechanical (presently inanimate) world and the living biological world (the subtext of "life" defined included). non-veined leaves of evergreens and veined leaves of changeable plants (oaks, maples) representing the two camps. Grey and silver of machines, pink (white) and black of humanity juxtaposed over a temporal full spectrum background. It could also be about cooking, a specific location in an urban setting, daycare scandals, wood preservatives, or fundraising.
regarding some deleted poem...	5-Dec-03/12:10 PM
such lovely musical subtext and texture - a story evolving. A novel pounding to get out.
Re: The last Celebrity death match (On ice) by <{Baba^Yaga}>	5-Dec-03/12:14 PM
Ja JA - that vuld be awesum!! ([slams fist on table] nicht war??)
Re: Saying of Love by UrbaneSavvy	5-Dec-03/7:11 PM
waterheavy flows - wary nyce. I think its "how I and you", just for gigs. What do you think - does that sound right? "wondering how I turned into we", - versus "wondering how me turned into we" ... where are the grammar cops when you need them?? I think the shoes are a little heavy on this one, but there is a sense here with some word images that you are capable of much more.
Re: WHEN by Samantha	5-Dec-03/7:17 PM
jail [cell] walking + shut[ting], or walk and shut - pick one. better yet, "walk[ed]" peircing s/b piercing I dunno, the repetition didn't quite work for me although I like the *idea* of the repetition - it reminds me of a ghazal. Maybe 1000 piercing nails isn't scary enough - I thought the lions were more so - a 1000 lions... hmmmm.
regarding some deleted poem...	5-Dec-03/7:21 PM
either you are in love, or you are full of shit. this has impact - I like it - but loose the first couplet.
Re: Mr Zero? I know who you are. by DreamerSupreme	5-Dec-03/7:24 PM
I'm never comfortable with the ranker used for bashing like this. Sure, it can inspire a poem - JBH is good with that kind of thing (and I'm fine with that), but this is just - ungood. Go ahead - bash me now. whatever.