on some deleted poem
18 Apr 2004, 5:24 AM
I really like the puffer fish bit - never seen or considered that and it presents a solid image.
on some deleted poem
19 Apr 2004, 6:19 AM
Quite excellent.
Slight pause on "errant hunches" - maybe you can beef that up? A ten anyway.
Slight pause on "errant hunches" - maybe you can beef that up? A ten anyway.
on Do You Like It by hotwire
19 Apr 2004, 3:05 PM
Would that it could be top 40
on genome home zone by sarah
19 Apr 2004, 3:08 PM
catchy, clever title.
kill "of the genome"
"with the want for a familar" to "with want of familiar" - and a very good use of "familiar", too.
I think the ending doesn't do it justice - I know you know what you mean, but the promise of the beginning isn't followed through with this confessional wrap-up.
Know what I mean - one doesn't follow the other; this ending could be tacked onto anything.
kill "of the genome"
"with the want for a familar" to "with want of familiar" - and a very good use of "familiar", too.
I think the ending doesn't do it justice - I know you know what you mean, but the promise of the beginning isn't followed through with this confessional wrap-up.
Know what I mean - one doesn't follow the other; this ending could be tacked onto anything.
on The Flame by Fire_is_cool
19 Apr 2004, 3:09 PM
no. When I like the user name more than the poem, something is broken.
on carnivalesque by sarah
19 Apr 2004, 3:11 PM
"painted like a dali painting" pick a painting and kill the other.
This is, otherwise, pimple - not a bad one though.
This is, otherwise, pimple - not a bad one though.
on Sport by MacFrantic
19 Apr 2004, 4:45 PM
olympic dogfighting?
on The Robin- A Parody by ggawrysi
19 Apr 2004, 5:00 PM
quite an ambitious ditty - but I think too long?
Still, enjoyable enough!
Still, enjoyable enough!
on some deleted poem
19 Apr 2004, 5:02 PM
a riddle-like quality.
on From Treehouse To Factory by Shardik
19 Apr 2004, 5:08 PM
The set up is out of proportion to the delivery, but the language is solid enough.
Something to think about if you ever do a rewrite.
Something to think about if you ever do a rewrite.
on innocent voyeur by nentwined
19 Apr 2004, 5:10 PM
that last line, man.
what can be done?
what can be done?
on stranger by francis nor capule
19 Apr 2004, 5:14 PM
"really really glad"
is you makin' fun of poetry?? are you mocking me? HUH PRETTY-BOY - are you mockin ME??
is you makin' fun of poetry?? are you mocking me? HUH PRETTY-BOY - are you mockin ME??
on some deleted poem
19 Apr 2004, 6:04 PM
this has some logic errors, like how would I (cuz I know you are talking to me) know if your blood didn't suit my taste if it then goes un-tasted? Or something.
Plus it sounds like another suicide poem[e].
Plus it sounds like another suicide poem[e].
on some deleted poem
20 Apr 2004, 8:00 AM
Did the search, but being at work was afraid to click some links - is it gross?
Will it be more gross than a pineal cyst? Cuz, so far that tips my scales at horrific.
Will it be more gross than a pineal cyst? Cuz, so far that tips my scales at horrific.
on some deleted poem
20 Apr 2004, 10:41 AM
this is not iambic pentameter.
sonnets never have the word "soft"
okay, had to do that /joke mode off
It's unusual for a sonnet to have a refrain line - and I like that. None of the rhymes feel forced, which is cool.
Downside: the last line doesn't make sense to me. Its a strong line and alone it makes a nice finish - but how it fits in the context is lost on my small human brain. Still - a nine in my book.
sonnets never have the word "soft"
okay, had to do that /joke mode off
It's unusual for a sonnet to have a refrain line - and I like that. None of the rhymes feel forced, which is cool.
Downside: the last line doesn't make sense to me. Its a strong line and alone it makes a nice finish - but how it fits in the context is lost on my small human brain. Still - a nine in my book.
on reflection by xunitedx
20 Apr 2004, 12:10 PM
nice complex internal and end-rhymes.
ballys - s/b "ballets"
ballys - s/b "ballets"