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reflection (Free verse) by xunitedx we listen to preachers, presidents, and teachers
hoping they tell us the meaning
we hide from strange creatures under the bleachers
just to live longer while dreaming
we wander through valleys, back streets, and alleys
searching for what is the truth
we attend ballys, live concerts, and rallies
just to find innocence left us in youth
Up the ladder:
Dying Harvest
Down the ladder:
pep talk
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.1666665
Posted: April 19, 2004 2:00 PM PDT; Last modified: April 19, 2004 2:00 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.313765 Overall Rank: 3575 Comments:
nice complex internal and end-rhymes.
ballys - s/b "ballets"
oh, just read justification about.
Change it anyway; no one knows what the hell that is.
ballets doesn't rhyme. and ballys is like the most popular gym in the country. i have never heard of anyone not hearing of it before.
Balley's is also a Riverboat Gambling Hall in Tunica! (although it's with an e, but it sounds the same..)
sure it rhymes (the T is silent) - that it isn't the same foot makes it a bit awkwark though. Maybe you should capitalize it to make it more of a, uh, what you call a - proper noun so the fair reader doesn't have to take out the magic decoder ring.
This is what messing with standard rules like for capitalization and punctuation do to a poem - it makes readers second-guess stuff (especially on a forum like this). Chalk it up as a datapoint. The word in that place doesn't really effect the thing overall anyway.
If my mother had been so kind when I opened the saltshaker and filled it with glue, I might have stopped doing it.
When I filled the salt shaker with glue,
She beat me, beat me with her shoe.
see, now THAT rhymes!
heheh
- "...we row in Norse galleys, see concerts and rallies"
- "...we have big finales at concerts and rallies" - "...we sometimes have rallies at Lou's or Pasquale's" - "...the keynote speaker at our rally's Dick Vitale" - "...everyone shilly-shallies at the aforementioned rallies" Or you could just capitalize Bally's, use a different word than "attend", and tell everyone who doesn't get it to fuck off.
- "...we sometimes have rallies at Lou's or Pasquale's"
hahaha i like that one
i totally get your point. i thought about the capitalization thing, just didnt feel like doin it. ballet(yes i know how to pronounce it) and valley(or alley or rally) do not rhyme.
let me try this, then: "oh, how could I have been so stupid."
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The last line seems contradictory after setting up the theme of finding meaning and truth. I'd try to go back to who we listen to for the last line.