| Re: âDeath To Doughboyâ by The Martyr |
10-May-03/11:40 AM |
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At least this had a point, and I can dig that, but your others fucking suck. 7.
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| Re: Lost In Reality, Enlightened By Confusion by The Martyr |
10-May-03/1:28 PM |
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A mouth full of after-birth.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
10-May-03/1:34 PM |
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Good grief Charlie Brown.
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| Re: long time no write by New Life Drug |
10-May-03/1:42 PM |
"As the fiesta draws nearer, I sit in axious wait"
Anxious typo.
"rabbits" should be singular.
"promised land" should be present tense. 'promise'
End your stanzas with periods.
Who cares about the sentences.
Use more commas, just a few before 'ands'.
Remove your last stanza, it's ridiculous.
Other then that, nice poem.
I'd give it an eight now nine later.
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| Re: Erased by joydoll |
14-May-03/3:53 PM |
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Is there not a drop of joy left in that precious doll's frame?
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
20-May-03/12:12 PM |
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| Re: All A Mistake by Alyssa91 |
21-May-03/6:13 AM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
21-May-03/6:17 AM |
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Jeremi, why are you so damn unique?
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| Re: Dr. Dr. by psikosis |
21-May-03/6:20 AM |
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| Re: Theology by dougsoderstrom |
23-May-03/2:20 PM |
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You've succeeded in avoiding every theological philosophy straight down the board. Good Job! What exactly were you attempting to clarify with this piece doug? Proof you're asleep while you're awake?
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| Re: I laugh at those that call me freak by Freethinker1602 |
27-May-03/12:11 PM |
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| Re: I laugh at those that call me freak by Freethinker1602 |
27-May-03/12:13 PM |
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Perhaps you need more Kale in your diet albineato.
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| Re: Blush Of The Winter Rose by kassanna |
27-May-03/12:28 PM |
"He came in the winter of my soul" Yes! he came all over it. "Then when my petals regained vibrant blush
He stood back and smiled, and heaved a deep sigh". Baby, I would slurp on that tight little vulva of yours until you projectile orgasmed all over my dual face, and baby, I would gargle that hot steaming piss and go back for round 'the two'. I would introduce your ankles to your earlobes while my toes did the comforter dig/crawl. I would have my thumb prying in your hot sweet mouth while the other hand clenched head hair then I'd vibrate like an epileptic don juan until your eyeballs went satanic.
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| Re: Migrating Storks by Blue Magpie |
28-May-03/9:29 PM |
"to make new life, where theirâs once begun." was what you were looking for.
Otherwise succulentio.
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| Re: Migrating Storks by Blue Magpie |
28-May-03/9:31 PM |
better yet
"to make new lifes, where their life once begun."
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| Re: Spit wad by Shardik |
28-May-03/10:07 PM |
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Dirty pool mate. Loved it!
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| Re: Just those three little words by Alyssa91 |
29-May-03/9:33 AM |
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Well, it's not completely hopeless, and that's good as far as momentum's concerned. you do have a typo "asentence" that can be easily ratified with a -, notice, a-sentence, pronounced, ahsentence'.
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| Re: The joke is wearing thin by QUENDO |
29-May-03/9:36 AM |
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you are a mere sutler in an overview of the war plan, sorry 10!
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| Re: geometry by skaskowski |
29-May-03/9:39 AM |
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Time for a skaskowskian run children!
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| Re: Social Parody by skaskowski |
29-May-03/9:40 AM |
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Ha! I lived in Troy. It socked. lol.
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