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long time no write (Free verse) by New Life Drug
Long time since i've taken a pen or even a key It's like the words are cemented inside of me What can I do now, spill out my brain? Sounds good to me as long as I stay sane Today an old friend called and I have yet to call back I hear whispering telling me to clear from this track The end of years is coming to its reveal And my story might tell of the hearts I wish to steal So listen closely as the tears fill our eyes As we look to new beginnings which soon will rise We've been stuck in gray weather, but today the sun shone Glory struck from the sky. Will it last? Who knows! As the fiesta draws nearer, I sit in axious wait But for now I need a dinner to fill my empty plate Is there a mirror in your pants, because I can see myself in them. British children dream of tattooing the girls they fancy. I still have no man, by the way. However I musn't worry, it's only the beginning of May. So many things must come my way From dancing to gowns, to smiles and frowns memories and pictures, me being starting pitcher There is no fear here. And so the rabbits quietly leads me- through fields of gold and grains of sand through dust and hot asphalt to a new promised land Sprinklers and streams catch my eye and off in the distance, a young boy sighs what is there more but a happy end? And so with this departure I say to you my friends: GOOD BYE, GOOD NIGHT. go watch Conan O' Brien now!

Down the ladder: Water Runs Deep

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 5.0
Weighted score: 5.0
Overall Rank: 7732
Posted: May 9, 2003 8:45 PM PDT; Last modified: May 9, 2003 8:45 PM PDT
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Comments:
[9] thepinkbunnyofdoom @ 24.209.21.223 | 10-May-03/12:06 AM | Reply
A woman after my own heart -9-
[n/a] richa @ 195.92.67.69 | 10-May-03/10:08 AM | Reply
possibly needs to be shorter
I feel like i've been commandeered to listen to someone tell me their broken heart story when i want to watch the football

A few cute little references though, i'm sure if i read again i'll find a few more
[8] Bachus @ 24.126.113.154 | 10-May-03/1:42 PM | Reply
"As the fiesta draws nearer, I sit in axious wait"
Anxious typo.

"rabbits" should be singular.

"promised land" should be present tense. 'promise'

End your stanzas with periods.
Who cares about the sentences.
Use more commas, just a few before 'ands'.
Remove your last stanza, it's ridiculous.
Other then that, nice poem.

I'd give it an eight now nine later.
225 view(s)




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