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geometry (Free verse) by skaskowski i laugh
as the blood makes recognizable shapes
on the tile floor
i don't
need this anymore
how can love be a cradle
when the baby is stillborn?
how can life deem me able
when i am only able to harm?
my tears
streak
down my face and are pink
on the dirty floor,
who needs thought anymore?
how can embrace be a cure
to an incurable disease?
how can i be sure
that there is reason to breathe???
Up the ladder:
Alchemy
Down the ladder:
Whispers of the Night
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.810811
Posted: March 16, 2002 1:17 AM PST; Last modified: March 16, 2002 1:17 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.810711 Overall Rank: 1649 Comments:
[0]...
anonymous @
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1-Jul-01/1:39 AM
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Reply
interesting connection between the title and the second line. The first semi-stanze seems to be much more literal than the second. It makes the poem internally inconsistant, and the thought muddled.
this comes close to having real power. I think the rhythm is just a little off. maybe more punctuation would help; I could be misreading it. "How can" -- jolts me out of the flow of it, both times. like you're resorting to filling in the gaps instead of bleeding out the words.
i'm so sorry for you
I really like most of the poem, but the rhyme scheme feels imposed. I like how the rhymes in the first half sound accidental, but in the second half they sound contrived.
I like your meaning and parts of your imagery, but it could be made even more powerful. Extend the baby/killer dichotomy and tell me how that relates to innocence. Not bad though. =]
self-pity puts me off and never seems like poetry to me; almost its impossible. poetry a true voice, I hear self-deception here.. and real poetic ability, squandered,
Wow, that's so powerful.
Wow, that's so powerful.
Wow, that's so powerful.
Wow, that's so powerful.
Wow, that's so powerful.
Time for a skaskowskian run children!
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