| Re: a comment on fire has its own logic by impert&ent |
12-Jun-04/12:42 PM |
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So I get 2 out of 3? Nice!
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| Re: a comment on fire has its own logic by impert&ent |
12-Jun-04/12:41 PM |
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Yeah. Totally natural and good for the garden.
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| Re: leavetaking by daniella |
11-Jun-04/2:18 PM |
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| Re: a comment on Fourteen Years by impert&ent |
23-May-04/10:12 AM |
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| Re: a comment on Lotion by impert&ent |
23-Mar-04/4:14 PM |
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Or perhaps a Loation from Chaos?
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| Re: a comment on Nature Of The Day by impert&ent |
1-Mar-04/10:57 PM |
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Yeah, bit of a clunker, innit? Still not sure the previous stanzas and the pacing works either. But I'll come back to it at some point to see what to see what to rearrange. Thanks for the straight-up, and the dime.
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| Re: a comment on Nature Of The Day by impert&ent |
1-Mar-04/7:46 PM |
Whatever you say. :-)
It's golden.
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| Re: a comment on The hypocrisy of calling it tolerance by impert&ent |
6-Nov-03/12:19 PM |
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What, as in moon, June, loon? It was difficult enough to find the quotes. If you want them to rhyme, talk to Stanley & Marvin; have them get their verbal act together before casting it about the airwaves. Or do you mean something else, like tighten up the metrics?
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| Re: a comment on The hypocrisy of calling it tolerance by impert&ent |
6-Nov-03/12:07 PM |
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Maybe so. A fitting subject for a poem of its own.
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| Re: a comment on Upside down and tigers by horus8 |
18-Sep-03/7:56 AM |
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Serves me right for not checking about the deer. I'm laid low. But what's this about the heart? The heart of a hunter? A murderous pairing? Blood lust?
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| Re: Upside down and tigers by horus8 |
17-Sep-03/7:56 AM |
I like it. It works. But I'm gonna offer a critique as well: musk is from oxen. Was it ox for dinner? Pheromones is far less visceral than any other word in the poem. I can't smell it. Perhaps:
I lowest growl of hot flesh on your cool.
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| Re: lament and retrograde by Don-Quixote |
17-Sep-03/7:40 AM |
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Tis fine. Even though I misread/rewrote the last line as I read it: Too proud to scrawl.
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| Re: a comment on These are not just words by impert&ent |
14-Sep-03/10:59 PM |
What are salesmen? Chopped liver, perhaps?
Thanks for the comments. I'm not trying to express a truth, especially not a truth applicable in all circumstances. And I do think words convey, while arguments persuade. However, I too was less than satisfied with persuade/convey, but it works better than the alternatives I've come up with so far.
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| Re: a comment on These are not just words by impert&ent |
14-Sep-03/10:40 PM |
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Thanks. Now where's that emoticon for 'I'm honored'?
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| Re: a comment on These are not just words by impert&ent |
14-Sep-03/10:21 PM |
Okay. I try some more. Had a 4th stanza in mind anyway, so it's not over yet.
Not sure what this means: "ending in you, still.." A sixth line at the end?
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| Re: a comment on plagiarism txt by daniella |
14-Sep-03/5:16 AM |
Thank you. :) But I have submitted, and in a manner consistent with the discourse on plagiarism, by ensuring that Daniella gets credit for her creation, inspiration and at least part of the response to it.
In other words, the format of poemranker is open to play. Daniella started it with the rewrite, and I'm continuing it by posting (er, submitting) here.
after that, who knows? Maybe someone will make a poem that samples dialogue and spreads it across poemranker one line at a time. Would that be plagiarism?
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| Re: a comment on Laundry Day by impert&ent |
26-Aug-03/7:09 PM |
Iâm pegged.
Strung up by my own fabrication.
Strung out on a series of puns
Theyâll be my undoing and hampering.
(How to write a poem: never provide opportunities for puns: they'll be taken up, you'll be washed out.)
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| Re: a comment on plagiarism txt by daniella |
21-Aug-03/12:51 PM |
Hmmm.
I think I would change some of the lines to:
Style: work You do
not the poem
Do I get a spanking? Is that where the fire is?
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| Re: plagiarism txt by daniella |
16-Aug-03/11:56 AM |
??
Style:
You do
work
not the poem
does include miscellany
for all that do
Please.
Submit
not
to the ranking.
poem's title rights or
Cancel posting
of poems not in a Poem
by your Title: retain.
Please post your other body
you belong
Submit
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| Re: A Circle Starts with C by rusty |
3-Aug-03/12:15 AM |
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I like the insane rhythm. The sense that the floor is heaving and pitching; that houshold objects have overcome inertia and are now in rebellion.
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