Re: A Better God by Dovina	23-Oct-04/9:27 PM
A small suggestion: S2, L1: -My creatures shall find everything I've created Just my own tick really. In response to your piece, I say that: Faith sought & praise uttered, inevitably conflict; for gods shape is incomplete, recklessly manifested-- burdened with the weight of confused human expression and mis-calculated interpretation. Amen. Blessed with seven.
regarding some deleted poem...	23-Nov-04/6:44 PM
The beginning was rough, but I liked the ending.. alot of the middle seemed a bit like filler to me. I bless thee with the almighty -7-. Go in peace.
Re: Feminist? by RGSsparky	23-Nov-04/7:13 PM
Goddamn... thats fucking classic. Ten.
Re: Poet, Earth mover by INTRANSIT	11-Dec-04/4:41 AM
Yes, I like this piece too Intransit, my ol' companion, but there is an issue which bothers me: potently... "portently" Is not a word, atleast according to my dictionary, so I believe it's "potently" that you wished to utilize in the poem. That aside, I bless thee with nine. Go In Peace Brother...
regarding some deleted poem...	11-Dec-04/4:42 AM
A masterpiece. Ten.
regarding some deleted poem...	11-Dec-04/4:46 AM
Solid work. Nine. Go In Peace.
Re: Dancing in Memories: Slipping Away In The House On The Hill by Stacy Stewart	11-Dec-04/4:51 AM
Good concept, mostly well done-- though I think it could be shortened a bit. Blessed with eight.
Re: The Christ Omelette by horus8	5-Jan-05/9:54 PM
Bravo motherfucker, bravo. The fine cuisine shall be a welcome dish for the pilgrims who journey to the holy city of Ataraxis.
regarding some deleted poem...	15-Jan-05/5:11 AM
Over all? It tastes bland, the dramatized spices only added to its mild hallmark dullness. And quite the cliche, to pity the devil, while knowing nothing of the fallen morning star.. tsk. It's like watching a blind man grasping air. Zero.
Re: the pretenders by PopoyMola	15-Jan-05/6:10 AM
Its core is worthwhile, what you're trying to express, but the poem you have here lacks experience and skill--it's limping.. flailing. One: you can drastically cut down on the use of the word "I". "I" in poetry is decrepit and weak, and offers little more than rigidness along with insipidness. Consider sticking to a rule of using no-more than one "I", and strive to have none. For example, the two first lines can be edited like so: I live in a barrio, dreaming, bathing in the brooks with friends. Notice how it grates less on the ears? More fluid, atleast I'm inclined to think so. Two: Grammar.. particularly your use of past or present tense. FYI, past would be "lived", present "live", present tense usually carries more force or expression, past tense tends to make it seem as if your merely reminiscing-- most times appearing dull. "i lived in a barrio where i dream" This is using both in contradiction, and is poor use of the english language.. a no-no. Three: Your way of detailing your "friends" character has a good base, comparing them to vultures, snakes, etc, but has no force or impact. "i befriended crocodiles hungry for power..." "i met birds in vulture's feathers..." "i knew snakes with the stingiest scales..." You expressed this as past tense, so it suffers a loss of meaning, force, and ample definition. You give no example of how they are as vultures, snakes, crocodiles. Plus, you could cut out crocs and stick to slithering and hunger, scavenging. Simplicity and potency, consider this example: My friends linger, shoulders hunched, coveting, and wary they creep slowly, serpents tongue forked, hissing, pursuasive superiority offering deceit. Not the best example, but you get the idea, I hope. Four: Your poem is littered with ellipses, those "..." are a bad, horrid habit to have when writing, it mostly gives people the impression that your really muddled on heroin while your writing... and... constantly... jarring yourself... from the emptiness of... dope... space... arhhhhhhhh... Refrain from littering your writing with the cursed dots, you're better off with out them-- whatever anyone may have told you, its not poetic to pause and doze off between stanzas. That pretty much covers the essentials for now.. or more precisely, what I felt compelled to impart. No vote for now.
regarding some deleted poem...	15-Jan-05/6:26 AM
Sounds like a deranged, neglected girls self-soothing mantra. lol. Blessed with four.
Re: In the Shadows by Beyond_Dreams	15-Jan-05/6:31 AM
Count Heralds Memoir of Flaccid Romance.
regarding some deleted poem...	15-Jan-05/6:43 AM
Mark this up on the self-help poem catagory. I feel better already. Why I feel giddy and even a slight tingle ticklin my groin.. ah, here and have a nine, now that I read poetic nostrum and feel oh so fine...
Re: Tale of a lonely heart by Bhaskaryya	21-Jan-05/4:01 PM
Tale of a Lonely Heart (or soul? wtf ever, that shit was horrid, absolutely fecal in every way.) What in bloody Jesu?!?!?!? One, if you're going to write a poem concerning romance, love, or sex (if there was sex in this I still would feel deep disgust and hatred.) never follow the above shit-smeer example, cliche it's defining characteristic, besides the smell. You know what I sense, over-all, and more importantly? You need to go get laid, urgently. BTW, what in the name of moses fuckslave is up with that "till another morn!" shit? That's making the assumption that you will ever see the light of Morn, Nirvana, or the glistening twinkle of the Almighty Clit "betwixt" a womans vertical nether-lips.
Re: Conjugate the verb by wFraser Allonby Q.C.w	21-Jan-05/4:18 PM
What the fuck chuck? Nice, I'm impressed, you've submitted your class assignment... Now that you've effectively reminded me of some inkling memory that dates back to my highschool days, the over-all sensation I feel is that of vicious action... cruel action... anti-human rights action... I feel like sending you off to Pakistan for interrogation.
Re: The Stone Seeker and the Stacking by darkshark	21-Jan-05/4:31 PM
Cigarettes. Might want to correct that spelling... Now, what exactly was your intention with this... "poem"? No doubt some literary mag would stick it on the first page, but ask yourself, as in the position of the reader, these serious questions: What the fuck is this poem saying? If anything? Does it sound like some asswipe is trying to sound amazingly profound? Does the poem seem written by some 19th century zombie-relic who has an irritating, condescending love of his own voice and ability to lay heavy with the poetical gilding? Has this poem offered a fucking thing for me, the reader, to make it worth reading? Do I feel cheated and worthless for wasting my time reading it? Now, really consider it. Or you can just explain yourself or tell me to fuck off, it's all fun in the end as I see it.
regarding some deleted poem...	21-Jan-05/4:43 PM
I'm reminded of a certain painter, whose name won't come to my cursed, wretched memory-- but anyway the guys most famous work was the paitings of ballerinas... This seems like the verbal equivalent, in a way, though the painters ballerina works spark nothing in me, or this poem really for that matter. But I still feel that it's worthy of a seven... oddly. Ever consider that the ending seems a bit sudden and final, like a hard brake? It's not horrid but.. ah, I'm probly jibbering out my arse.
regarding some deleted poem...	21-Jan-05/4:46 PM
Hallmark moment in all its awkward shame. And a theme thats been done and used to an extreme. No vote.
Re: Paedophile at st catherine's by Mona Lisa	26-Jan-05/5:27 AM
Sounds like you should pitch this as a Public Awareness Commercial...
Re: Memphis Skyline by wilco	26-Jan-05/5:30 AM
-Nods- Shaky but I can still groove. Has a slight villanelle feel to it.