regarding some deleted poem... |
30-Mar-04/11:56 AM |
This poem only touches the surface of the emotions you are feeling...go deeper you can do better
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Re: The Trees by anitawit |
30-Mar-04/11:58 AM |
I like the idea of gnarled trees this is an interesting poem...I think I would like it better if there was more to it more interesting verse's like this one
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Re: july by jsd |
4-Apr-04/9:26 PM |
My favorite of your poems...I love the last stanza and the last line really sticks with you...you rock chica
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Re: dc by jsd |
6-Apr-04/10:19 PM |
I love the flow of this poem my favorite lines...autumn always made me feel alone, and so this is fall in a yuppie town...I can see where it can get a bit weighed down by being to wordy however, the entire poem has a solid tone and mood to it. I very much enjoyed it!!
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Re: Almost One by thepinkbunnyofdoom |
6-Apr-04/10:32 PM |
I had to read this poem a few times to get a good feel for it...but I like it despite it being a bit convoluted in certain parts.
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Re: Twilight Affair by thepinkbunnyofdoom |
6-Apr-04/10:37 PM |
Been there!! I think this could be a great poem if you revise it a bit...make the ideas crisper and the images jump out more...but you nailed the emotion felt it coming out of the page...9
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Re: You Crossed My Mind by gregg333 |
7-Apr-04/5:37 PM |
I like the way it sounds..."you rolled by like a slow freight train" I like the tone and feeling of the poem. Its a bit simple for though the poem its self is a deep metaphor..I almost wish it was longer but I still think its great!!
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Re: The most trite garbage ever(in other words my love life) by thepinkbunnyofdoom |
7-Apr-04/5:44 PM |
I wasn't sure if I liked this poem very much until I saw that it was a pimple...So in that case it fits perfectly well done
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Re: A Little Further by thepinkbunnyofdoom |
7-Apr-04/5:50 PM |
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Re: Cabbagetown will miss you by tre |
8-Apr-04/12:04 AM |
There are so many great things happening in this poem...some really great line I LOVE the last stanza...still I think it can be cleaned up the images can be made sharper...cut out some of the narrative parts make us feel Cabbagetown not just hear about it. Also capitalize three to make it clear it is his name. An example of possibly a way to edit it:
Parties with dogs
who roam streets
chase cats
speak to eachother All NIGHT
They too were at your birthday party
everyone was there but you
not you THree you were in the hospital
there were no dogs there
your accident struck you down before your cancer could
Lifes a Bitch Three but you already knew that
People whisper its better this way My mom says it too
I still don't understand
I wish I had known you better
I don't know if that is cleaner but something along those lines would make this incredibly powerful poem even more powerful
Keep with this poem It will be GREAT
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Re: One voice by tre |
10-Apr-04/11:55 PM |
Even though this poem is light and doesn't pull at ones emotions like your previous posts...I think stylisticly you nailed it...it flows really well and comes together perfectly well done tre!!!
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Re: My Day Off by wilco |
11-Apr-04/8:20 PM |
I love it...sounds like a Streets song...I could read it a hundred times...also mad props on the Zodiac line I'm glad someone had the balls to stand up to him!
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Re: lost memories by ggawrysi |
11-Apr-04/10:41 PM |
I love you...this poem is beautiful
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Re: Rough draft of a poetry manifesto by zodiac |
12-Apr-04/8:14 AM |
The title I like...not blown away by the poem
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Re: Dear M Foucault, or, How I knew our relationship was doomed by zodiac |
14-Apr-04/10:35 PM |
Ah Foucalt...lovely...I do believe Dear I hold your words dear- Dear
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Re: Suicide Girl by wilco |
18-Apr-04/11:11 PM |
I would give you a ten for this line alone...
Iâll be your Elliot Smith
If youâll be my Sylvia Plath
But then you go on to write several more stand out lines...I loved it!
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regarding some deleted poem... |
18-Apr-04/11:23 PM |
I don't remember ever voting for this poem...I don'tknow if I did so accidentally...anyway I don't want you to think I would vote it a 3...I think it is much better than a 3...though it doesn't do much for me. Sorry about the 3 honestly don't know where that came from.
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Re: Hmm... by tre |
20-May-04/11:22 AM |
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