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dc (Free verse) by jsd
every raindrop echoes the wet that soaks you through and through we live with the damp air and the polluted view leaves slowly dying without even trying this place is full of facades mosaic people at home, slowly dying floating through here with my mournful romanticisms imagining fall back home with its crisp morning air and warmhearted care autumn always made me feel alone foliage hardly abounds and dying summer dreams surround so this is fall in a yuppie town the red tape pulls me down I’ll be around


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Arithmetic Mean: 7.571429
Weighted score: 5.6915636
Overall Rank: 1974
Posted: April 6, 2004 5:55 PM PDT; Last modified: April 6, 2004 5:55 PM PDT
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Comments:
[8] deleted user @ 68.66.196.168 | 6-Apr-04/6:28 PM | Reply
This is a good poem, just a bit too wordy.
For example:
every raindrop echoes wet,
soaks you through and through,
damp air, polluted view

[n/a] jsd @ 147.9.165.67 > deleted user | 8-Apr-04/8:55 PM | Reply
yesssss I like your spruced-up version better. thanks for the help!
[9] Tara57 @ 147.9.40.112 | 6-Apr-04/10:19 PM | Reply
I love the flow of this poem my favorite lines...autumn always made me feel alone, and so this is fall in a yuppie town...I can see where it can get a bit weighed down by being to wordy however, the entire poem has a solid tone and mood to it. I very much enjoyed it!!
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