Vilanelles would have to be French there so bloody complicated in my opinion. I am inexperienced with this genre of writing but know the basic laws to them. The subject matter is too teen angst but this may make a good lyric. I would have liked to have seen 'broken hearts DONT mend, it would have obliterated the obvious cliche. However my darling don't despair all this needs is a few drafts and touches of creative glitter and originality and you'll have it sparkling like the star you are.

Thank you so very much for your time in commenting on my work, I love you all the same on this site, it has been my pleasure meeting you.

Goodbye. 6

My Dear Rich,
I have pasted 3 stanzas of interest to me where I think the poems strength lays. I need to know inherently more about the relationship. This reads like a showpiece of writing more than the emotionally charged insight I want. I dont want to come across like Lecter intimidating Clarisse, but fine writing and sentiment is the hardest thing to combine for personal satisfaction and reader satisfaction, its the marrying of the 2 I want you to do with this. The next moment you feel these emotions I want you to relinquish the laws of poetry and write one from the heart, read it aloud (I bet you do that dont you) and be honest with yourself about it affect it has on you. Poetry must (I believe) release the writer from the subject he is writing about. If one is honest about my work I would say there are much better traditionalist writer than me around true to the laws of poetry, I always feel a connection with your work - empathy, your uniqueness is empathy and clarity.

I just want you to write this honestly, it shut me out, the language is wonderful in places just tell me about the inherent love and relationship, the conclusion, the beauty the madness the essance of you and your mother, this is your story, your testanment and immortalization of your dear Mother.

There are only a few writers I will trust with my e-mail address I will give it to you shortly, if you ever need anything my dear boy you are most welcome

Pain liquified,
coursing through your body.
The secondary killer.First time crashed
second time failed
Suggestions unheeded.

Love neverending,
love pushed aside.
A deeper bond is born

Love neverending,
love pushed aside.
A deeper bond is born

Persona left behind,
thoughts carried with.
I can feel you inspiring
me.

These are the stanzas I love. Oh God I feel drunk as a Somersetian wasp.

Mellifluently told ! Remember when taking on board the sound advice and suggestions given be careful not to disrupt the poignanancy you have masterfully created in here. perfection is a bridge too far, but by golly its in sight. Well done my boy on a bloody fine poem 10

Thank you all for your constructive comments. I wrote this as a young fry and PAKI thank you for your time in studying this. It was written more like a sonnet and a testament to naivity in love.

God Speed.

Dark Angel, did you ever watch crazylegs crane? (it was on after the pink panther cartoon?

Too much 'He'

I think the last line is wonderful. They are not easy these darned Haiku's. I see there is still no love lost between you and poetanknowit.

As I recall Elvis did sing 'Fever' with the Eden Perry band but thats another nut to polish. My dear spring truly is in the air, its in my step too after reading this. If you require my aid to spring you please call me on 0898-659-137698 : ask for Laurence.

Interestingly enough you almost have the formula right.

Let us pray that you get what you want. Do you write of anything remotely interesting?

Oh my giddy Aunt Blythe, your certifiable.

Oh dear.

Spiffing, but the last lines disenchanted the poem, you had made your point, and made it jolly well.

Line 3 constricts the message, but ding dong well done on a fine piece my lord heres your mark ```9

I say this is Hot Diggity Dog, Bravo I say, Yes Bravo indeed