| Re: My anal protrusion by wFraser Allonby Q.C.w |
3-Jun-03/8:25 PM |
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| Re: Have You Ever Been In Love? by Katie |
3-Jun-03/8:26 PM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
3-Jun-03/8:32 PM |
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You know what would rock John? If one day, for no reason at all, you beat your penis purple with a rubber mallet at the kitchen table.
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| Re: Bad Timing by DeadtotheWorld |
3-Jun-03/8:46 PM |
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| Re: 11th September (a senyru) by scitz |
4-Jun-03/6:17 PM |
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| Re: Jeremi B. Handrinos: Part 2 by wCUNTw |
5-Jun-03/10:12 AM |
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Why would I abuse my sweet son? He doesn't write shit poor poetry like this. If he did, mind you, I'd call him an ugly dike and throw him to the wolves. Also amyl nitrate is bad mmmmmmmkay, and for faggertz, I am a proud gay man, and I have never hurt a child in my life excepte for that twat Katie, and vipersna the magical chirping cunterspaniel, and that was because she left toxic snail tracks on my new spanish tile after her pa left brownie bum tracks on my new shag carpet. i guess that was his idea of walking? He walks like she writes, war has a way of making people do stupid shit huh vampissedoff, maybe one day, after your journey through the fields of child abuse you'll understand what it was all about. When that day arrives. Don't be suprised to wake up with a giant clitoris clear taped to the end of your nose, until then, do a popper, and please learn how to properly be insulting, because most of your poem is actually flattering 10!.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
5-Jun-03/10:17 AM |
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Wow, I never thought it would happen, but you've lost your edge. It a sad day. Oh well, must prepare for a gap commercial audition, we wouldn't want to lose the lift of my ass in denim now would we.
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| Re: Taliban Ambush by scitz |
5-Jun-03/10:19 AM |
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I suppose counting is overated at this point. Or is that just the chamber music playing in the background?
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| Re: C a n n i b a l by scitz |
5-Jun-03/10:20 AM |
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| Re: wish by daniella |
5-Jun-03/10:24 AM |
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| Re: aquellos eramos by daniella |
5-Jun-03/10:26 AM |
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I think I saw three question marks in there beating up a beautiful theme.
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| Re: Carpet threading the sky by INTRANSIT |
5-Jun-03/10:27 AM |
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| Re: A Moment In Nowhere by Mr Pig |
5-Jun-03/10:30 AM |
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I'm suprised you can write this good outside a mousehole, anyway, it's oceans beyond your haiku that's for sure. 9.
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| Re: A Moment In Nowhere by Mr Pig |
5-Jun-03/10:31 AM |
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I would change the title and the structuring eventually, to accomodate the story more.
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| Re: sharkmouth by Bill Z Bub |
5-Jun-03/10:35 AM |
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Gripping, and involved. 10
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| Re: Never forget by sk8rs_rule_all |
6-Jun-03/3:21 AM |
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What no cement to mark the occasion?
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| Re: Jeremi B. Handrinos: Part 2 by wCUNTw |
6-Jun-03/7:39 AM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
6-Jun-03/4:43 PM |
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When you leave your house, do you even bother with clothes?
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| Re: A Perfectly Reasonable Question by baughworm |
6-Jun-03/4:45 PM |
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GQT award. Fucking awesome poem, hands down.
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| Re: Watching Time Slip Away by kassanna |
6-Jun-03/5:04 PM |
1. "Slip down the hour glass of life" change down to through.
2. hourglass, is one word.
3. "Each others heart" Each-other's.
4. my suggestion is pull the poem into tight stanzas, use commas and periods, or capitals or lowercase to show sentence and thought seperation. Do not space. Make it like 4 to 6 stanzas. And remove the stuff at the bottom, because, we are already aware that you need guidance. Try not to start your sentences with and or but, and ignore the fact that I do it all the time. Remove the asterick. Make your title a sentence, don't capitalize each word, and there you have it. Oh, try to use words that are a tad bit rarer than the nouns, verbs and adjectives you are using now, check your thesaurus. For instance "
Not enough time
To fill the heart and mind
With memories made too brief"
This could be said like this;
There is never enough time
to ease a heart or mind
as memories displace remembering.
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