Re: The North Wind by Ranger	2-Feb-03/8:02 AM
This is good but could be better by tightening and deleting words that add no value to the poem. And the rhyme sounds a bit forced in spots. Still, a nice lyric.
regarding some deleted poem...	25-Feb-03/8:47 AM
This is quite lovely. I was taken by the mood and meaning you have captured. The form is unusual but seems to work OK. I may be a bit conservative in giving this an 8. I really enjoyed the read.
regarding some deleted poem...	25-Feb-03/8:59 AM
Very poignant while not being mawkish. I don't usually like this type of poetry but this is an exception. One typo in next to last stanza, 3rd line. "Breath' should be "breathe
Re: One Moment to the Other (v2) by nentwined	25-Feb-03/9:16 AM
I liked this and the rhyme is well done except for the last two stanzas. Not sure I like mem'ry and temp'ry and you need to ask yourself if you would have written thus if there was no need to rhyme. Also, last stanza..."in that which is" seems awkward as fillers to balance the rhythm and pace. The second stanza is my favorite.
regarding some deleted poem...	25-Feb-03/9:21 AM
Not sure about this one. I understand the analogies and metaphor but they seem to be overdone and don't always add to the poem's meaning. I would suggest tightening and less abstract comparisons.
Re: -=Dark_Angel=- -=In_Decline=- by wEdible Underpantsw	24-Jun-03/12:34 PM
OUCH!!!
Re: mothers by biggy	20-Dec-03/9:59 AM
Different but I liked it. Quite rhythmic and a sincere tribute. Not sure about the exlusion of capital letters butI have written some the same.
Re: Modern Man by ShaNoN+960317485	20-Dec-03/10:26 AM
A lot to contemplate in this piece. Quite exceptional in content and style. Kind of a Brave New World feel to this and what a neat way of expressing the new by means of the old. Being a quantum mehanic's junkie, I could relate to the fourth stanza in particular but hell, I can relate to all you express in this fascinating tale that would warm the heart of any Existentialist worth his/her salt. Camus would be proud tho I may be misinterpreting part of your meaning. Regardless, a ten!
Re: Occam's Razor by Quarton	10-Jun-04/5:27 PM
I originally wrote this as a joke and admit it probably should have been left unposted. I'll do better next time(:
Re: The Poem Without an End Working Towards the Beginning by TheVoiceless	29-Jun-04/11:30 AM
This is mostly incoherent and rambles too much. Did you write it as a stream consciousness? (James Joyce wrote Ulysses with this technique) Perhaps you might take this and shorten for I believe it has some good ideas and concepts. I like the concept of no end in searching for the beginning. An example for the last line: "The end becomes infinite in my quest for the beginning" I do like the line: "Something to lay my mind to rest, giving it reason to ease." Quite lovely and consider deleting the obscenities. They, IMO, detract from the poem and its potential.
Re: Center Of The Universe by Dovina	1-Jul-04/1:54 PM
How true is your observation. We tend to view the world from a very narrow and self-centered position. All things are inter-related and connected but this fact is largely unconsidered. Even an insect should be left alone if it is not bothersome. Well done.
Re: Lady Bradbury’s Excursion by Dovina	1-Jul-04/2:19 PM
Very clever and humorous. Original for sure. A nine in my opinion.
Re: Recycled Stardust by Quarton	2-Jul-04/9:25 AM
You know, Zodiac, I always appreciate those who take the time to critique one of my poems and you are no exception. However, I cannot believe you are serious in stating that "every sentence" in my poem is "wrong." Perhaps you could enlighten me on those sentences or concepts you deem inaccurate. Such a blanket statement as yours needs some specifics and you offered none but rather, a meaningless indictment backed up by nothing concrete or even close to justify its validity.
Re: Recycled Stardust by Quarton	2-Jul-04/9:48 AM
richa: Thank you for the comments on my poem and your belief that science and poetry are not compatible. I do, however, disagree and think there should be more, not less written on the subject. One major problem when writing about science or quantum mehanics, (cosmology), is the difficulty in avoiding abstractions but I believe that is acceptible considering the rich amount of material available and the fascination we all share for the universe and the meaning and purpose of life. Perhaps some of my other poems are more likely to portray this though I am sure some think my work is generally not good or of interest. (but I try)
Re: Lady Bradbury’s Excursion by Dovina	2-Jul-04/10:05 AM
You have taken the mundane and transformed it into art. About as original as any poem I have read in a long time. It takes a "leak" where it has never gone before and somehow does so in good taste. Womderful!
Re: Companionship by milkymilk	3-Jul-04/10:08 AM
A little too sappy for my taste but you have some good lines.
Re: I Love You by babyBOOMER	3-Jul-04/10:12 AM
Nothing personal but this is awful. It reads like a bad soap opera. Sorry:)
Re: Sacrificial Virgin by EAger to Offend	3-Jul-04/10:21 AM
Though a bit confusing, I liked this. One minor suggestion; "The luscious bird hath finally flown" Hath seems out of synch with the rest of the poem and, IMO, it reads better with "has."
Re: Why by J.B. Manning	3-Jul-04/10:38 AM
Nice try but this just doesn't work for me. Sorry:) IMO, you should try writing poetry with no rhyme. This would permit you to use words other than those which rhyme and perhaps improve the content and flow. For most poets today, rhyme is seldom used and when it is, much skill is needed to avoid sounding forced or using words that are obviously chosen based upon rhyme and not on their merit. Robert Frost could do it but for you and me, free verse is much better. So use rhyme sparingly until you become more proficient as a poet. I hope this helps.
Re: When Fairy Tales Forgive Us by J.B. Manning	3-Jul-04/10:40 AM
Too sappy and forget the rhyme. Try free verse.