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Why (Free verse) by J.B. Manning The way I see
So deeply
Inside my own mind
The absence of space
And time
Gently pressing
Teasing testing
Daring me to find
Whatever it may be
That motivated me
To find the line between
The words youâve yet to speak
Your love is all I seek
And yet Iâm sick with grief
My heart was ripped out by a thief
Questioned by an unknown source
Pushed forth by some unknown force
Braced against an unlocked door
Labeled as a worthless whore
In the corner where I weep
I close my eyes and pray for sleep
When dreams they come and rescue me
Iâm one and free within my dream
Until I wake and want to scream
For all the things that I have seen
And wondered all the days gone by
A single question in my mind
WHY GOD WHY!
Up the ladder:
Japanese nature.
Down the ladder:
The Love of -=Dark_Angel=- and J.B.Manning
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.25
Posted: September 5, 2003 2:46 PM PDT; Last modified: September 5, 2003 2:46 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.0672355 Overall Rank: 6647 Comments:
[5]
?-Dave_Mysterious-? @ 195.92.67.66
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5-Sep-03/3:51 PM
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Reply
Powerful, moving, undulating, vertiginous.
Becuase you're a fucking fudge packer...that's why!
And...unlike many fags....you have no artistic talent!
Joe's just pissed cuz I dissed his weak ass poetry. That and he hates men who like sex with men because he confuses it with his father having sex with him. Not the same thing Joe, sorry. Get over it, it's in the past...move on...you're special...REALLY. No body thinks less of you for enjoying your fathers questing interest in you. :-)
joe--watch your mouth. nobody deserves that. nobody.
I like how it flows. . .but suggest that maybe the last line should be directed elsewhere.
I think so too, not being a God willing man myself. Where would you suggest? Somewhere to maintain the passion of the question...
Nice try but this just doesn't work for me. Sorry:)
IMO, you should try writing poetry with no rhyme. This would permit you to use words other than those which rhyme and perhaps improve the content and flow. For most poets today, rhyme is seldom used and when it is, much skill is needed to avoid sounding forced or using words that are obviously chosen based upon rhyme and not on their merit. Robert Frost could do it but for you and me, free verse is much better. So use rhyme sparingly until you become more proficient as a poet. I hope this helps. 230 view(s)
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