poemranker ::One Moment to the Other (v2) by nentwined

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Free verse № 38946

One Moment to the Other (v2)

by nentwined

Member since 2001 · Posted 2 Feb 2003 · 63 comments

one moment to the other goes by way of circumstance; one moment from the other flows in slow inertial dance. one moment to the other, slight, is where we spend our worry -- 'tis but a brief and fancied flight that causes us our hurry. one moment to the other, long, is hardly there in mem'ry: where once a moment boasted strong 'tis now but only temp'ry. one moment and another pass in that which is our consciousness in spans too short or long to grasp... one moment here, one moment less.

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mean 6.40 weighted 6.40 rank 773 views 954 View voting details →

104 votes so far. Yours would make 105.104 votes so far

63 comments

[9] JakeBike 2-Feb-03/3:42 PM Reply
the last line feels jilted of a few beats. other than that--much, much nicer. still sways sing-songily, but is much cleaner.
[3] poetandknowit 2-Feb-03/4:57 PM Reply
Does using word varations like temp'ry, mem'ry, 'tis make a poem more poetic?
[4] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › poetandknowit 2-Feb-03/7:10 PM Reply
Yes, of course it does, you cock. What the fuck do you think poemes are? They're either rhyming verse or pieces of prose with linebreaks that having confusing parts in so when people read it they don't understand it and think it must therefore be about something "higher" than humans that we weren't supposed to understand, i.e. "beauty".

YOU'VE BEEN TO THE UNIVERSITY OF LIFE AND THEY DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING TEACH YOU THAT? WHEN SOMEONE HOLDS A GUN TO YOUR HEAD YOU'LL LOSE YOUR PRETENTIONS PRETTY FUCKING FAST MISTER. PIE AND A PARIS BUN.
[8] <~> › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 2-Feb-03/7:27 PM Reply
um too late.
he has already had several guns to the head, and, no luck.

but, i'll take the pie and the bun, since he's no longer eligible. okay?

gee, thanks a lot, pally!

(um, i know it doesn't make up for you and your lungs splitting and all, but, I THINK YOU"RE SWELL!!!!!!)
[4] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › <~> 2-Feb-03/7:50 PM Reply
Yeah, I know he has already had several guns to the head, and, no luck. That's what happens at the University of Life.

You shan't be having the bun. You may have the pie if you complete a questionnaire about Omnibuses.
[8] <~> › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 2-Feb-03/7:57 PM Reply
Where would one find said questionnaire? I am hungry. And have an answer for everything. (So says my mum.)


Bring it on, Sirrah!
[4] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › <~> 2-Feb-03/8:00 PM Reply
How would I know? I don't have one.
[8] <~> › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 2-Feb-03/8:08 PM Reply
you, sir, are a first order CAD! to tempte me with a bun, and deny me the questionnaire which would facilitate its delivery unto my rapacious palette! good day to you!
[n/a] nentwined › <~> 2-Feb-03/8:09 PM Reply
:hands the lady two buns and a severed head besides:

an awful lot of chatter for only two votes on the poem ;)
[8] <~> › nentwined 2-Feb-03/8:17 PM Reply
2 buns! (hmm, is that equal to a buttocks? her mind races back to the table of weights and measures she never really memorized in home ec. damn! she can't remember. rather than risk looking like a fool by asking "where's the rest of the body," she decides to treat the head and the two buns as separate entities, and replies graciously) thankee kindly, good sir. and a severed head! a brunette! most excellent choice! this completes my caucasion collection! (she is grateful he did not bring her another asian trophy; she's had to discard 3 already this week, and the trash man has been complaining about the weight of her bins.)

you are too kind!
[n/a] INTRANSIT › <~> 3-Feb-03/2:59 PM Reply
good thing I bought you lunch while i was there, can I have my arms back now?

O.O.T
[4] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › <~> 2-Feb-03/8:14 PM Reply
An fair point. However, I would urge you to daily read the copy of the International Herald Tribune, which can be found in the Library.

A good day to you.
[8] <~> › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 2-Feb-03/8:20 PM Reply
One moment, Goode Sir! I see that onefingeranswer also speakes of the sweet honeyed buns:
http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=7294

are these the buns to which you are referring, and are they, indeed, buttocks?
[4] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › <~> 2-Feb-03/8:22 PM Reply
I do not know whether you are talking to me or to the rascal nentwined. In any event, the bun to which I was referring was an Paris Bun. It was neither honeyed nor a buttock.
[8] <~> › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 2-Feb-03/8:29 PM Reply
I speake with you, Sirrah. for future reference, please recall that: i'm in heaven, when you smile.
[4] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › <~> 2-Feb-03/9:01 PM Reply
Moreover, the bun was never on offer. 'Twas the pie you had a chance at. I behalf this whole pullover has been partible illiberal scone.
[8] <~> › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 2-Feb-03/9:08 PM Reply
fine. slibe an illegiblr creain. clotted cream aside, to you, sirrah!

goode evening! godspeed! rest ye merrrie.
erp.
[n/a] nentwined › poetandknowit 2-Feb-03/7:52 PM Reply
no, more just cramming in the syllables because I'm not a poet enough to have better words. Though I like 'tis.
[8] Bachus › poetandknowit 2-Feb-03/8:09 PM Reply
No, but apparently your face does.
[4] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › Bachus 2-Feb-03/8:16 PM Reply
Did you know I once invented a board game called Facial Justice? It was ace. It was a wond'rous combination of Monopoly, Cluedo, Pictionary, Mouse Trap and Scattergories. A ha, no, I jest. I don't know what the fuck Scattergories is like; I've never played it.
[4] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 2-Feb-03/7:09 PM Reply
What the fuck is this? HUH? COOK PASS BABTRIDGE
[10] brazen 3-Feb-03/1:56 PM Reply
all this over some delicious and sticky buns?? this is why i stick to meat...ah yes...delicious and sticky cow buns.
[0] horus8 4-Feb-03/2:51 PM Reply
Why sir, do you make me need a shower. bye. now i must vaccuum. everything. again. AGAIN! you know what i've fond? the process of compulsive cleaning helps my sole cope with time and kale and being a secret agent. It's wholesome good clean fun. whoops gotta to go... the dryer just chirped.
[0] horus8 4-Feb-03/3:05 PM Reply
idea... make the poemranker pointer selection hand a middle finger, but only for those with poemwanker awards and me and da.
[6] x311 8-Feb-03/8:07 AM Reply
The universe just seems so big and uncaring, doesn't it? And life too short... I like the rhyming scheme--simple--but the flow could have been better in spots. 'Sides that, I like.
[n/a] TanHand 8-Feb-03/9:46 AM Reply
TYPICAL NENTWINIED STUFF
[9] nolan 13-Feb-03/9:11 PM Reply
really touching
[7] bsjones84 15-Feb-03/3:19 AM Reply
Nice way to capture the unceasing progression of time.
[7] deleted user 16-Feb-03/10:35 AM Reply
good use of shakespearian rhythm
[8] Jeremi B. Handrinos 16-Feb-03/12:00 PM Reply
Li'e wh't y'u d'd t' temporary.
[n/a] nentwined › Jeremi B. Handrinos 16-Feb-03/7:56 PM Reply
ta, maybe. :)
[8] Sapphire 17-Feb-03/9:10 PM Reply
i think i like this one the most of all of yours i've read so far. it has such a sway to it, draws one in...
[n/a] nentwined › Sapphire 17-Feb-03/9:12 PM Reply
thank you. :) It is nice to think that my poetry skills may be slowly improving.
[8] Sawa 18-Feb-03/3:38 PM Reply
Pretty damn good. 8.
[7] Quarton 25-Feb-03/9:16 AM Reply
I liked this and the rhyme is well done except for the last two stanzas. Not sure I like mem'ry and
temp'ry and you need to ask yourself if you would have written thus if there was no need to rhyme.
Also, last stanza..."in that which is" seems awkward as fillers to balance the rhythm and pace. The second stanza is my favorite.
[n/a] nentwined › Quarton 25-Feb-03/10:19 AM Reply
Yeah, mem'ry and temp'ry suck balls. I know I wouldn't have written thus if there was no need to rhyme. Thanks for the feedback. :)
[6] hipster flare 3-Mar-03/7:42 AM Reply
a good attempt. seems to miss saying something important.
[8] lastobelus 10-Mar-03/3:03 PM Reply
a little bit "mannered" in a way that I quite like. I have, actually, no fucking idea what "mannered" means, but i've been accused of it before and it seems to refer to a quality that I see here and like. 8.
[n/a] Caducus 12-Mar-03/9:07 AM Reply
Well Done this is a grand poem, love the opening, ahhh opening I need one with my job 8
[n/a] nentwined › Caducus 12-Mar-03/11:42 AM Reply
thanks. :) I need a *#&$ job, period. :/
[7] thepinkbunnyofdoom 27-Mar-03/5:31 PM Reply
Tick Tock Tick Tock, The Ever Running Clock
At the chime It will be 7 o'clock
[4] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › thepinkbunnyofdoom 1-May-03/6:37 AM Reply
great use of "o'clock" to rhyme with "clock"!!!!!
[9] suckmychucks 10-Apr-03/11:48 AM Reply
quit swallowing your syllables and speak, dammit. the age of reason has long since past and your classical restraint is torturous to the romantic notions presented.
[6] Lord Ganus 10-Apr-03/11:08 PM Reply
too long
[4] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 1-May-03/6:26 AM Reply
one moment to the other, groin,
by way of circumcision;
trousers down I shout "Purloin!"
and pray for close precision.
[4] Poetsettle 18-May-03/10:29 AM Reply
'Tis true.
[8] baughworm 20-May-03/9:33 PM Reply
heading towards something great
[9] leonxic 20-May-03/11:12 PM Reply
fanstasterical
[9] daniella 2-Jun-03/6:45 AM Reply
lovely
[n/a] PoeTech 20-Jun-03/12:14 PM Reply
Be sure to read my latest poem - Theology - It's amazing!!
[7] MrsGretchen 7-Jul-03/12:37 PM Reply
Very easy read, I like it.
[6] http://findingwater 22-Jul-03/5:20 PM Reply
You almost had me until temp'ry ... nice try, doesn't work. At first I thought you were going for a sonnet and I think you should try to take it there.
[6] DJCARTER 23-Jul-03/7:26 PM Reply
it's pretty rad... i like it
[n/a] LuckyJoe 28-Jul-03/6:29 PM Reply
Nice poem... gives a message but also stays hid. I like poems that can't be fully understood leaving the reader room to fill in the gaps as the see fit... thats how some of the best poetry ever written has been. Keep up the good work and keep on writing.
[10] loveisendless 29-Jul-03/8:32 PM Reply
THIS IS GREAT!SMOOTH & GENTLE<NICE & SWEET!
[5] sliver 15-Aug-03/6:09 PM Reply
Why the 's in the third stanza? You had a good flow 'till then.
[n/a] deleted user 18-Aug-03/12:40 PM Reply
does that mean our moments are really hats we sat on accidentally and we are in disguise when we get dizzy?
[7] Settle 20-Aug-03/6:01 AM Reply
I will meditate upon this. Wait is meditation the one where you and your friends squat low in a circle over something?? No?? 7.
[7] J.B. Manning 20-Aug-03/1:45 PM Reply
I liked the first three paragraphs. The fourth one broke apart, I think. Maybe massage the second and forth line in the last paragraph?
[n/a] Rilke4ClosetLesbians 21-Aug-03/11:01 PM Reply
A little too much Pink Floyd.....
[9] deleted user 27-Aug-03/12:44 PM Reply
I loved this poem
[8] William Delacroix 2-Sep-03/7:11 AM Reply
Who says 'tis? The concepts are good, but it's a little too eighteenth-century for me. 8/10.
[10] shadowaura 6-Sep-03/7:56 PM Reply
vermicular in a very good way
10.