Re: a comment on the small drop by richa |
26-Jan-04/2:27 PM |
A drop of water could be in a number of states of motion; one could be dropping every few seconds, one could be hugging the tip.
The wax on a candle is more the latter.
Would I compare a drop on a candle to a drop on a leaf? (mutatis mutandis)
only if I wanted the wax to be silver!?
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Re: I Go On by drumrgirl30 |
26-Jan-04/10:45 AM |
a bit cliched, I quite like the way you've stopped the poem dead at the end.
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Re: Just Passing Through by southernboy71 |
26-Jan-04/10:42 AM |
lines three and four are quite good, has a nice laidback feel
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Re: World policy by penguin fiend |
25-Jan-04/5:35 AM |
Give your computer a rhyming dictionary and you are redundant with this poem.
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Re: the small drop by richa |
25-Jan-04/5:34 AM |
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Re: petal soft whispers by fair12 |
22-Jan-04/6:02 AM |
The alliteration is a bit of an annoyance in parts. But that is my only pick.
Good stuff, plentiful
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Re: Drying, Cracked Roots by AnotherNothing |
22-Jan-04/5:59 AM |
Personally I would say from an everything that exists in a place can not be said to be 'not meant to'. Even dead things.
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Re: At The Station by Christof |
22-Jan-04/5:56 AM |
'Or the old dear collecting for terminal patients,' is not grammatical in the poem. It needs separating from 'either hustling for connections clause' which is talking about people plural.
Other than that good, is the formaldehyde reference inspired by damien hirst?
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Re: a comment on My deepest thoughts by poetandknowit |
22-Jan-04/2:27 AM |
More psychology lectures actually.
If I can electo-cute monkeys then I can electo-cute (learned cripple) numpties.
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Re: a comment on My deepest thoughts by poetandknowit |
21-Jan-04/3:00 PM |
Excuse me Professor (Stephen Hawking) I think your computerised mouthbox is jammed stuck on arse.
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Re: My deepest thoughts by poetandknowit |
21-Jan-04/1:31 PM |
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Re: a comment on sea of pearls by crwncka1 |
20-Jan-04/7:04 AM |
It is spelt llama, and whilst I know of one mongoose on this site, I have never met a llama.
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Re: Why you don't fall through the floor by ?-Dave_Mysterious-? |
20-Jan-04/12:59 AM |
Are the maths community impressed when you post poems on mathsranker?
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Re: a comment on (Come find me) by zodiac |
18-Jan-04/5:28 AM |
It is not just about getting it. From the first image of mushrooms I got it. You could have stopped there.
However you carried on and tried to build up a picture which is good. Unfortunately there were too many metaphors pulling the reader about.
Personally I like this and applaud the imagination. But you have to be wary that to get anywhere you will encounter poetry purists who insist on better organisation.
What goad says is correct, and comes from himself spending months being flogged in the eratosphere.
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Re: sex in the city/sex in the country by tralala42001 |
18-Jan-04/5:22 AM |
The first 3/4 verses are good, the end just degenerates.
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Re: Doe by OneFingerAnswer |
18-Jan-04/5:19 AM |
Your last one about gayness was too clumsy and didactic.
This one is really good, the tone, much more thoughtful.
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Re: across the lake by baden |
17-Jan-04/8:08 AM |
Seems to flow well bar the last verse. A little unremarkable though - would get a few marks on the dark angel mediocrity scale perhaps.
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Re: a comment on EXIT (this way) by imperfect_creation |
16-Jan-04/8:36 AM |
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Re: a comment on EXIT (this way) by imperfect_creation |
16-Jan-04/8:32 AM |
Isn't repeating the sounds of consonants called consonance?
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Re: a comment on EGG by ?-Dave_Mysterious-? |
15-Jan-04/11:46 AM |
some kind of artist I hear.
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