Re: Flowers by Dovina	5-Feb-07/3:08 PM
Lupine being an American variant on lupin. I double taked at that, I mean if someone said they had brought a wild lupine to my door I would have expected a wolf. The first verse is a terrible cliche.
regarding some deleted poem...	12-Feb-07/9:59 AM
Don't you mean SWF.
Re: Captured by Dovina	12-Feb-07/10:05 AM
It's ok. The whole little paw entices strong hand idea is relatively interesting. It's just I don't know kind of icky.
Re: self-suffocation by Phalkon	12-Feb-07/10:07 AM
and your English teacher just laughed. :(
Re: A Cautionary Tale by Tman	12-Feb-07/10:16 AM
I don't think it works putting your rhyming words on a seperate line. It makes the poem sound like Father Ted's 'my lovely horse'. Also sleep does not fill one's head.
Re: Plurals by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	16-Feb-07/2:17 PM
Octopodes is my favourite.
regarding some deleted poem...	16-Feb-07/2:24 PM
It has a classical feel to it. Well constructed
Re: Complaints by jessicazee	16-Feb-07/2:35 PM
I don't know what cocoa salt stains are. I'd stick with just cocoa stains. I like how you go back to his knee again to communicate its intermittent nature. I presume you have been chided for playing the fool with the shadow hands. 'it was the bear wasn't it?' is interesting. I read it as an innocent attempt to explain why your playful.ness had elicited complaint. It is difficult to get a grip of at first but it does make sense after a few reads.
Re: Lonely Hearts by Stephen Robins	16-Feb-07/2:39 PM
Needs more acronyms.
Re: Remembering Nick by jessicazee	24-Feb-07/2:17 PM
Like this. Lots of interesting lines. Last time we kissed you had more teeth. Jellyfish are so smart.
Re: Firestorm by Dovina	24-Feb-07/2:19 PM
I find the namechecking of all these colours a bit unsophisticated.
regarding some deleted poem...	25-Feb-07/2:27 AM
The final line should read 'that godawful nentwined'.
Re: The Laws of Life by lrustagi	2-Mar-07/2:28 PM
So many problems here. Some of the apostrophes are plain daft. When has anyone in the deepest recesses of time ever spoken about something being 'ttractive or 'cerbic or something that 'xtends. The poem refuses to yield a sentence that actually means anything. Who the hell is zealous smith? What is the glow of God? Have you seen God glow recently. What is 'crisp the cast, thou walk out cleanse the outer, hence inner stout' all about '[the test of truth]fist it firm an' hold it tight' What!!. And the grammar 'full of flurry an' floral flourish bridle is there in thou hands'. And don't you realise that to close a sentence you need a full stop. -bum-
Re: A whole load of cunts by mr cunt	10-Mar-07/11:19 AM
Are you and Edna Pete Burns.
regarding some deleted poem...	13-Mar-07/12:03 PM
This is ok. Sonnets are always a difficult discipline. I like the first four lines they skip along jauntily. Loses it a bit after that. Fresh ink smelling in a book. Really? 'Yes him, a potential reader' 'delicate pages long fingers' I just don't think the middle skips along quite as well. The language is not as crisp.
Re: STAN by poetry_rancour	13-Mar-07/12:09 PM
I don't get the ending. Looks kind of forced.
Re: snacktime by jesslew	13-Mar-07/12:11 PM
Don't like the last line. Like the whimsy of 'bananas are edible smiles' and the idiosyncrasy of 'everyone needs potassium.
regarding some deleted poem...	13-Mar-07/12:18 PM
I guess this is a beat poem. It has the wise-ass descriptions of the world going on around the writer but lacks any interesting episodes or themes. I like 'you me and plurality' as a turn of phrase. Should probably read 'You and I and plurality' it would rhyme too.
Re: a limerick from kent by nentwined	13-Mar-07/12:23 PM
Interesting subversion. The grammar looks a bit convoluted. Don't get l4.
Re: Abused Light by Greeny	13-Mar-07/2:50 PM
The abused light is an intriguing word choice but the reader is not let in why you think it is appropriate. I like the again grain rhyme. Some of the others are a little obvious.