regarding some deleted poem...	14-Jul-04/1:05 PM
At times I will notice someone’s glance in my direction, then I start to fear that they must know. My heart races my palms and soles sweat, my panting commences, my only desire is to become invisible. But then they look away, I sigh knowing that I am fine for one more day. There is no reason to write it like you have and not like this I think.
Re: Ode to the Bun by JaneDC	14-Jul-04/1:32 PM
Pleasant enough sounds.
regarding some deleted poem...	15-Jul-04/11:13 AM
Gregsamsa222, you think this is much worse? I am inclined to agree, I like the idea of the length of an arm from the previous edit and nothing else. So I put it in. Kind of want to move on now.
Re: Southern Mississippii Standstill by wilco	16-Jul-04/1:32 PM
Very pretty, like the feign of line two to three on the first verse. No need for full stops after each verse.
regarding some deleted poem...	18-Jul-04/6:18 AM
It is well written, but the idea behind it seems a kind of vague portentiousness. I believe that is why you are having a problem with the title.
Re: Poor Unwritten Rabbit by Dovina	19-Jul-04/2:25 PM
Use prepositions or punctuation in the first verse, or this:- 'ee Bombling breet par facien eeepeee' becomes this:- 'brazque gumprij ist wozzeling kumwa raosicon nebluspi mit cucheen ij bloot.'
Re: Wednesday's Breaking by poetandknowit	20-Jul-04/4:31 AM
This poem would be ten times better if something more imaginitive had happened causing you to be in her arms.
regarding some deleted poem...	21-Jul-04/7:52 AM
The line 'the words he said next were awesomely new' and the spelling of mirical makes you appear a dunce. But credit for posting a terza rima, it seems to work and the lyrical/spherical rhyme is refreshingly unexpected.
Re: Mike Pike!! by DR Limerick	6-Aug-04/6:27 AM
'not wanting to linger/he stuck in his finger' sounds better.
Re: Solid Understanding by Dovina	6-Aug-04/6:34 AM
1) 'simplest' 2) mimic and parrot mean the same thing 3) Not sure the second verse follows on so well from 'non of it true' 4) If someone changes expression it is immediately lost, that is a truism not a fear.
Re: farmer's market by fair12	12-Aug-04/5:41 AM
Well written, loses it a bit at the end 'souls' and 'markers' seems a touch vague.
regarding some deleted poem...	12-Aug-04/5:47 AM
yep, if you must use people watcher keep it in the title, not at the end. 'I notice these things' is redundant because you have just written a poem from the perspective of noticing these things. Also the line breaks seem a touch arbitrary. They should really only be used for either of: (a) End of a clause. (b) To mimic normal speech patterns. (c) To emphasize an important word (like intonation in speech).
Re: A fish, or what's left of one by phbiscuit	12-Aug-04/5:58 AM
Seems to read ok. The ending is a bit abrupt though. Some of the language is a bit unsubtle (indestructable fate).
regarding some deleted poem...	19-Oct-04/6:07 AM
Zodiac. Thanks for the rating. I'm quite happy with the first verse but the rest is a bit crap. Thinking of using more punctuation more in the preceding verses. Keep it stop start. Horus, yep the end is pretty fluffed. It kind of amused me the idea of an unwitting 'ghost' sneeking around the barn, but I don't think I communicated it properly.
Re: Ending by Dovina	30-Oct-04/1:24 PM
This is the best of yours I have read. It leads the reader with its images rather than making general statements which it can't support (your biggest weakness in other poems). Pinon planter was good as well. You can not have a -10- because I don't give -10-'s. Have a -9-
regarding some deleted poem...	30-Oct-04/1:51 PM
Well written. Like the spacing for the bit ending in 'hard.' A lot of the rest is a bit excessive (this is a prose poem yet every single sentence is split by huge gaps). A simple line break between point/point/point (keep the alignment) should be enough and should remedy the typographical ugliness of the poem.
regarding some deleted poem...	30-Oct-04/2:00 PM
'Easily could I spin nets of words' and the whole last verse jar a bit because the other verses' sounds are so regular. Other than that this has fine lyricism.
Re: Fascists by Imago	2-Nov-04/5:37 AM
The lines 1-4 set up an expectation of a certain rhythm. And then lines 5-10 use a different rhythm. It all makes the poem difficult to read. I would at least split it into two verses. 'all are we' at the end is an inversion purely to make the poem rhyme. Such behaviour is very wrong. Playing with peoples expectations of where rhymes are to be can work very well. But you must beware that it does not always work. Rather than talking of fascists as you giving the definitive statement it would be better if a character in the poem was saying it. Telling us with your first two lines about fascists (in trees under logs) makes you sound kind of paranoid.
Re: My Poison ( Vodka ) by Brittanyy	2-Nov-04/5:42 AM
'feel the shame' about vomitting seems a bit over the top. If getting pissed is cool then so is vomitting it back up again. Also 'now you lay in the flame' seems an odd line to use. It would probably be more meaningful if you were talking about a drink it is traditional to set fire to and drink. Just a thought.
Re: Ash by horus8	2-Nov-04/5:44 AM
'Nothing earned, and nothing gained' is a bit of a wasted line. The initials bit is cliche. Other than that well written, sounds great.