on # 2 by Lifeboatman
26 Oct 2006, 1:24 AM
This is good in places and not-so-good in others. 'Me, you and Solitude...' is good. 'There never was a king who us did rule; society had branded us fools' is not so good. Have a comb through the grammar, and reverse about 75% of the word order inversions. That's what I'd do, anyway.
replying on weather poem part 3: the hurricane (renga) by nypoet22
24 Oct 2006, 3:53 AM
Green eyes wait to open in
cherry blossom's pale splendour
cherry blossom's pale splendour
on The parameters of speech. by leon lyman
24 Oct 2006, 3:44 AM
Excellent. Might want a comma between letter and fencing in line 2.
on Golden Times by cpill
24 Oct 2006, 3:43 AM
It is an unbreakable and universal law of poetry that you must always rhyme 'pie-man' with 'Simon', if you are to rhyme 'pie-man' at all.
on Take that thing off your head by lukehanney
23 Oct 2006, 4:13 PM
I do believe that this is about Jade Goody's wedding day...
replying on MRS Degree by Miggy
23 Oct 2006, 4:08 PM
It's not the question you should be asking when writing; you should ask 'can I make people care?' I believe you have the ability. Unfortunately the above lyric fails.
on The Day Habeas Corpus Died by Wakeboarder20
23 Oct 2006, 8:37 AM
Neat idea
on Tennesee Waterfall by razorgrin
23 Oct 2006, 8:33 AM
I've heard it called a Kentucky Falls before; you guys must have some weird water features.
replying on MRS Degree by Miggy
23 Oct 2006, 8:28 AM
What Nick means isn't entirely that these are the worst lyrics of all time - I've seen worse - but that since the first post, 4 years ago, to this, the 99th post, there has been no shred of enthusiasm to actually improve upon mediocre poetry.
That being said, this did at least inspire me to write a poeme of my very own:
'So She Won't Fuck You, Eh?' (hai-poo) by Ranger
She's blonde
She's thick
She's had a lot of dick:-
So what?
That being said, this did at least inspire me to write a poeme of my very own:
'So She Won't Fuck You, Eh?' (hai-poo) by Ranger
She's blonde
She's thick
She's had a lot of dick:-
So what?
Excellent, D. I think this could be read as a monologue (referencing back to the title) wherein the poet is arguing with him/herself, or it could be an exchange between two.
Do you know, if half the people on All Poetry took this view, the amount of poems online would be reduced by a massive percentage?
Do you know, if half the people on All Poetry took this view, the amount of poems online would be reduced by a massive percentage?
on A Beard Most Foul by wFraser Allonby Q.C.w
20 Oct 2006, 10:56 AM
-10-
replying on MRS Degree by Miggy
20 Oct 2006, 10:45 AM
That has to be the best comment all week. If ever suicide booths hit the big time, I want 'headbutting kitchen utensils' to be among the selection. After all, I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to attach a decent-sized knife well enough at head height with ordinary household adhesives.
replying on weather poem part 3: the hurricane (renga) by nypoet22
20 Oct 2006, 3:55 AM
Clay warriors rise;
from a flooded tomb they march
to the bluebells' chime
from a flooded tomb they march
to the bluebells' chime
I say the leap is too long because it's a gap of twenty feet and I broke my legs falling onto the ledge. But I do say that if we can fashion a crude parachute and a couple of splints it may just be possible to tumble not too fatally down to a more promising vantage point.
replying on Work by half.italian
17 Oct 2006, 2:58 PM
The thing I'll say about the poem is that it reads like a paragraph of prose with semi-arbitrary line breaks.