| regarding some deleted poem... |
22-Jun-07/1:15 PM |
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Ooh, -=MUSLIM=- will be having a word with the master of the naughty room about this...
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| Re: Immigrant by Christof |
1-Jul-07/2:59 AM |
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Indeed. Meter trips, and I'm not sure I like the abundance of articles in lines 1-3. After that it's good.
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| Re: Teddy Bear by lexxie100 |
1-Jul-07/3:04 AM |
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Nothing wrong with this poem, now look to improve your use of meter and imagery. A good book for learning the technical stuff is Stephen Fry's 'The Ode Less Travelled'. You'll be fine.
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| Re: Summer Festival by Christof |
1-Jul-07/3:09 AM |
If we want to solve third world water shortage, all we need to do is get Somalia to host Glastonbury and Wimbledon.
'Loose-limbed' is a bit cliche.
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| Re: Why Do We Stay? by nypoet22 |
1-Jul-07/3:11 AM |
What does Alex think would have happened if Iraq had been left alone?
Good poeme though.
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| Re: A See-Through Prayer by PsydewaysTears |
1-Jul-07/3:12 AM |
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I rather like this, although it is pretty much a dictionary of romantic imagery.
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| Re: courtyard by lmp |
1-Jul-07/3:14 AM |
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I like the irregular drip-drip sound you get with the indentations and line breaks, although I don't think that 'melody' is the word you want in this.
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| Re: light [edited] by lmp |
1-Jul-07/3:16 AM |
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Unless you're sleeping with bacon, the rind wants explaining in the title. You give us the light in the poem, so the title's free to do a bit more work. Nice image, now that I know what it's about.
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| Re: Deeper by Skamper |
1-Jul-07/3:18 AM |
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Punctuate the end of line two, otherwise it reads: I do not fear love nearly as much as I should frighten me some more. Which is a little confusing.
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| Re: Consider the Grass by Dovina |
1-Jul-07/3:20 AM |
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The images are good and in places you hint at a swaying rhythm which is ace, but you don't sustain it. The final stanza is marvellous.
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| Re: Lullaby by lexxie100 |
1-Jul-07/3:21 AM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
1-Jul-07/3:21 AM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
3-Jul-07/2:24 AM |
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It appears that you have -=Dark_Angel=- chained to a potty in the Outhouse. I demand his return, unharmed and freshly wiped - or by gad the FBI will hear about this.
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| Re: The Other Cancer by lexxie100 |
3-Jul-07/2:30 AM |
This is very good in many places, but when you force the rhymes it loses some of its intensity. If you want to rhyme (I love rhymed poetry) then try using a rhyming dictionary - there are plenty of good ones online - for greater variety. Throwing in some unobvious rhymes here and there usually works well, but the most important thing is to remember that rhyme is a rhythmic device, and should be subtle rather than forced.
I hope this isn't from your own experience.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
3-Jul-07/2:40 AM |
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| Re: Lick up your ears by Dental Panic |
3-Jul-07/2:43 AM |
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Wow - I just rediscovered this little gem. 'Today I've decided I wasn't killed. No way' is the best thing I've read for some time. Glorious, and favourited.
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| Re: Blanket Weed by Christof |
11-Jul-07/2:53 PM |
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You've had the Robert Frost touch in your last few posts; this is the only one in my opinion which creates more than a sense of triviality. Very enjoyable, dear chap.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
11-Jul-07/2:56 PM |
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This is unbelievably depressing, not what I'd usually associate with you.
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| Re: Cotopaxi Store, Colorado by Dovina |
11-Jul-07/2:58 PM |
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Nice lyricism, I don't know what the stereotype of a country girl from Colorado is though - I need to travel more.
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| Re: I sang myself a soft goodbye by PsydewaysTears |
11-Jul-07/3:01 PM |
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I don't know if this is how it's meant, but with a little fine-tuning this would make a sweet poem for children.
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