on The parameters of speech. by leon lyman
24 Oct 2006, 3:44 AM
Excellent. Might want a comma between letter and fencing in line 2.
on For Elizabeth, Wherever She May Be by wilco
4 Nov 2006, 8:28 AM
Reads well, sounds better :-)
on some deleted poem
27 Oct 2006, 4:34 AM
Tenning this out of sheer principle. Also because the first stanza is utter genius.
on some deleted poem
26 Oct 2006, 1:21 AM
I'm astonished that nobody's given you the inevitable 'the change will do you good'...
on Accusation by INTRANSIT
8 Nov 2006, 11:04 AM
This is good
on The Hunter, the Hunted, and the Bystander by Dovina
3 Nov 2006, 9:51 AM
Nicely iambic for the most part. Is this from a film?
on Still by half.italian
31 Oct 2006, 6:40 AM
It's really scattered - more a collection of half-connected thoughts. I guess maybe that's what you're aiming at; if so they're a bit too independently crisp and sharp to be dreamy thoughts.
on Consider this by MacFrantic
27 Oct 2006, 4:33 AM
Now choose...the red pill - or the blue pill...
on Suburban Spleen by Sasha
30 Oct 2006, 2:19 AM
Excellent - I've missed your villanelles. Typo line 14 - 'unconscious'. Your refrains are extremely well-worked here and keep a constant flow, which isn't easy in a vil. I also quite like the occasional extra rhyme ('on', 'pawn'). It's almost contradictory though, the bleakness contained within such a beautiful form. It seems to demand a certain eloquence of language which undermines all the boredom represented.
'With the nuisance of a ray' is the best line here.
'With the nuisance of a ray' is the best line here.
on # 2 by Lifeboatman
26 Oct 2006, 1:24 AM
This is good in places and not-so-good in others. 'Me, you and Solitude...' is good. 'There never was a king who us did rule; society had branded us fools' is not so good. Have a comb through the grammar, and reverse about 75% of the word order inversions. That's what I'd do, anyway.
on some deleted poem
4 Nov 2006, 8:37 AM
There's some nice wordplay in here - fluent/fluid (embalmed), and 'wisens' works well with its double meaning. 'Carpet' may be a little too modern for the more historical language, or it might just be my nitpicking. I like it, but there's something nagging at me - I'll come back to this later and see if I can work out what it is.
on some deleted poem
6 Nov 2006, 9:45 AM
You're bored, aren't you?
on Bagni di Lucca by Sasha
6 Nov 2006, 9:46 AM
I'll trust you to have got the translation right. Is this a form of sonnet?
on some deleted poem
14 Nov 2006, 5:48 AM
www.travelreportranker.com is in dire need of your talents.
on Three Worlds by Dovina
14 Nov 2006, 5:43 AM
'Weasel doing in the goose'? That's too much Brixton at 3am for me. Either that, or it means something which I dread to imagine. Stanza 4 is really good. I'm surprised that you didn't include the recurring images (river/brook, weasel/goose, sun) in stanza 2 though. Line 9 misses the rhythm - could do with fixing. The rhymes work well though.
on some deleted poem
15 Nov 2006, 6:54 AM
*groan* that's the sort of terrible pun I usually love ;-)
on Just words by aliena
15 Nov 2006, 6:55 AM
Fair enough. You might want line 12 to be 'because today I wanted to create' - just to keep tense consistency with the line after.
on some deleted poem
16 Nov 2006, 11:14 AM
***Newsflash (An Update that is not an Commente)***
Kazakhstani officials are threatening to sue Sacha Baron Cohen over the way their country is portrayed in the Borat movie. -10-
Kazakhstani officials are threatening to sue Sacha Baron Cohen over the way their country is portrayed in the Borat movie. -10-
on Street Talkers (Amnesiac) by Fear of Garbage
16 Nov 2006, 11:19 AM
'He keeps babies hugged inside his hollowed bowels' is a -=Dark_Angel=- line if ever I heard one.
on For China by Fear of Garbage
16 Nov 2006, 11:28 AM
Aside from 'gloppy', this is excellent