Re: La tasse de vie by keatsImnot	13-Aug-02/11:23 AM
poetandknowit, lack of capitalisation doth not a poem make. This poem does well with a tired form and subject matter.
Re: Winged Beauty by ThoughtfulSoul	13-Aug-02/11:28 AM
poetandknowit... you went to college? I, honestly, am surprised. Did you major in business? Economics? Accounting? I had the impression that there was a writing requirement for most college degrees. Obviously you found a way around that. Congratulations. Thoughtfulsoul, try to develop your images a little more. "The sight of her extended white/feathered wings" is good. Try to slip in a few more gems like that here and there and you'll have a work of art.
Re: power by flatliner	13-Aug-02/11:29 AM
Good rhythm. Try to put some images in. Poetry should stimulate the senses.
Re: good-bye kansas city: meditation #1 by poetandknowit	13-Aug-02/11:31 AM
See previous comment about seeking some education. Enjambment is a useful poetic device, but chopping a poorly written sentence into three word statements is not high art.
Re: Words of the World of the Wise by emilyowey	13-Aug-02/11:34 AM
Internal rhyme rules! And the alliteration is delicious. I don't know if I like this poem because it includes the words "tango", "tangerine" or because of it's fantastic rhythm. The last line needs work, it takes away from the rest of the poem. Make it more confident. Lose the "...?"
regarding some deleted poem...	13-Aug-02/11:42 AM
In highschool, I had a friend who used to freestyle rap. Sometimes, he would be absolutely caught on a word and what he would spew, trying desperately not to lose the rhythm, sounded approximately like this. So you're a slampoet... but can you WRITE?
Re: setting the record straight on April by poetandknowit	13-Aug-02/11:46 AM
This poem has potential. It is not entirely coherent, but it has an excellent combination of ideas that, with a little work, could be well worth reading. "April is the cruellest month," is an allusion to the prologue to the Canterbury Tales where April is beautiful and warm, rather than rainy and miserable and dead as Eliot sees it. You attack Eliot as he attacked Chaucer which is good... carrying on the tradition, I suppose.
Re: good-bye kansas city: meditation #2 by poetandknowit	13-Aug-02/11:47 AM
I wouldn't call it high art. But that crocodile... man, I love that crocodile.
regarding some deleted poem...	13-Aug-02/11:48 AM
This is not poetry. This is prose with odd line breaks. I suggest a rewrite.
Re: Walls by razorgrin	13-Aug-02/11:51 AM
Again, poetandknowit, I find it hard to believe that you have ever sat through a college writing class...
Re: Day of Reckoning by Lenore	13-Aug-02/11:53 AM
Horus8: I vote 10 on that comment. Applause!
regarding some deleted poem...	13-Aug-02/11:54 AM
This has potential. Good extended metaphor. Work on the last line.
Re: I know. But I like it. by Shin-Bojangles	13-Aug-02/11:56 AM
For the moment, this rocks my world.
Re: Walls by razorgrin	13-Aug-02/12:06 PM
I say this because although some of your images have potential, they are lost in the writing. You have the inspiration, but you have yet to master the craft. Not that I think a college writing course could turn most people into good writers, but as a poet and a critic of poetry, a solid basis in form and theory certainly does no harm.
Re: Walls by razorgrin	13-Aug-02/12:07 PM
Psst... Hey razorbabe!
Re: Walls by razorgrin	13-Aug-02/12:17 PM
Amen on your last point there, poetandknowit, m'dear.
Re: Ambiguous Love Poem For A Girl I Once Knew by poetandknowit	19-Aug-02/7:40 PM
I am rather partial to the second stanza of this piece. The varying rhytms are really what makes the poem. The third stanza is a little weak and a little cliche, but it wouldn't take much work to polish it up. I really, really like the flow of the first stanza. And I'm sorry I haven't got a more useful comment for you, but I'm a little distracted today.
regarding some deleted poem...	30-Aug-02/9:43 PM
I know French is supposed to be all poetic and shit, but would you care to explain what "je n'ai pas l'embarrasement de cette choises..." means?
Re: Mind Set Adrift by RaychelW	30-Aug-02/9:46 PM
Cutting a sentence into lines does not a poem make. You should say this poem of yours out loud a few times, and find the natural divisions of the words. Listen carefully. Think about where you want to shock the reader with an unexpected linebreak. Buried treasures/full of pleasures would make an elegant internal rhyme if you were to bring those lines together.
Re: would i be considered crazy by silvertongueddevil	30-Aug-02/10:19 PM
This is a delicious, intense metaphor. I feel, however, that it is not very well crafted. I couldn't hold on to the images in my head because of the way they run into one another. Think about how you would read this poem to the subject, and punctuate for maximum effect. I feel like I say this again and again to people, "Read your work aloud," but poetry really is an art of sound and it needs to be spoken or sung.