| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Mind Set Adrift (Free verse) by RaychelW My midnight mind
is a wandering fool,
a captive
with unlimited freedom
to explore
past,
present,
and fears of the future.
I set sail
from parts unknown
to places already discovered,
occasionally stopping
to find
buried treasures
full of
pleasures
and painful memories.
Up the ladder:
Drowning
Down the ladder:
Woke Up
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.8
Posted: August 30, 2002 9:01 PM PDT; Last modified: August 30, 2002 9:01 PM PDTWeighted score: 4.9761596 Overall Rank: 8310 Comments:
[4]
limonade @ 207.179.148.168
|
30-Aug-02/9:46 PM
|
Reply
Cutting a sentence into lines does not a poem make. You should say this poem of yours out loud a few times, and find the natural divisions of the words. Listen carefully. Think about where you want to shock the reader with an unexpected linebreak. Buried treasures/full of pleasures would make an elegant internal rhyme if you were to bring those lines together.
Beauty of the poem lies in the first stanza.the second one is not that original.yet it was beautiful.6
135 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
