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Walls (Free verse) by razorgrin
Outside, the wind blows cold, whipping faces and making knuckles ache. The dark is hanging like a heavy blanket over our town. Wolves run out there among the trees, houses and buildings seeking prey among those roaming between glittering frozen branches. The only barrier between me and the wind and wolves are walls. Walls, just a few inches of wood, glass and paint. The inside walls of my room are the colou of heartblood and so I lay in my warm bed, sleeping soundly. Behind my thin walls, the wind howls.

Up the ladder: My Last Plea
Down the ladder: Sweet, Sweet... Daddy

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Arithmetic Mean: 4.8421054
Weighted score: 4.8495936
Overall Rank: 10590
Posted: June 21, 2002 7:54 AM PDT; Last modified: June 21, 2002 7:54 AM PDT
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[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ | 24-Jun-02/1:29 PM | Reply
Does a stone wall stop a blind woman as surely as one who sees?
[8] horus8 @ | 22-Jul-02/12:37 PM | Reply
Since you're working with the government... I was thinking that my friend Gary Condit is hiring.. well you being an "inturn" "intern" "intorn" and all. Just looking out for friends (by the way nice poem up there i gave you a seven)( cuz of the walls the wolves and the howling, you know all of that "deep shit" any way gotta go get more coffee to sit here all day(since i work at home) when i'm not performing, that way i can smoke a fat joint, lean back, and really start to put more effort into understanding our relationship. cuz i'm concerned. with luv, the son of isis.r
[n/a] razorgrin @ | 22-Jul-02/3:21 PM | Reply
I'm not an intern.
[8] horus8 @ | 22-Jul-02/4:08 PM | Reply
hey, don't get down on yourself.. there's nothing wrong with typing or answering phones. it's an honest trade.???
[n/a] razorgrin @ | 22-Jul-02/4:10 PM | Reply
I actually do neither of those things. Your email doesn't work.
[8] horus8 @ | 31-Jul-02/4:02 PM | Reply
this would make a phenominal first paragraph in a novella or short story. do you write short stories? you should.maybe lay.for.three.weeks.vulture.luckystrike.exhale
[n/a] razorgrin @ | 31-Jul-02/4:19 PM | Reply
I do indeed write short stories, though it's been some months.I'm still at work.
[8] horus8 @ | 31-Jul-02/4:37 PM | Reply
if you could imagine..tell me .what is it that d.a. does for real (money,greenbacks,shilaylees). i think he's like a brilliant seven year old hooked up to tubes and dolphins and shit huh..don't you think ps do you have the micro squeeler? i need to attack my neighbors kangaroo. its playing tail fling the poo. l
[n/a] razorgrin @ | 31-Jul-02/4:45 PM | Reply
I think DA works for the guvmint. they hook 'im up to tubes and wires and say that it's for a secret giant robot project like Evangelion, but with all the probing and cameras involved, i suspect it's really just making fetish vids for republican senators.the code name is project sticky white book.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ | 31-Jul-02/4:55 PM | Reply
Hold thy impudent tongue, razorbeak! Operation B.U.M.S.K.I is classified. Besides, -=Dark_Angel=- does as -=Dark_Angel=- pleases. Right now, he's on AIDS patrol. And I'll thank you not to disturb me while I'm on duty!
[8] -=SeTTle=- @ | 31-Jul-02/7:22 PM | Reply
-=Dark_Angel=- is a middle aged british pear shaped sysadmin with lots of opinions about enoch powell and tony blair. He has been operating computers since 1974 when he wrote his first BASIC PROGRAM, which was as follows: 10 PRINT "POO POO"/20 GOTO 10/(Standard GNU Boilerplate)
[9] Shin-Bojangles @ | 13-Aug-02/12:40 AM | Reply
Replace the word "Wolves" with the word "Drunks" and it becomes both 'deep' and 'true'.

'Lessun' you were being all metaphorical and such...
[n/a] razorgrin @ | 13-Aug-02/6:11 AM | Reply
Shin-bojangles, stop being an ass. Else i'll punch you in the butt.
[3] poetandknowit @ | 13-Aug-02/9:54 AM | Reply
You people quit acting like flirting teenagers and write real poetry. What is the difference in color between blood and heart blood, and would a wolf go for that or the throat. This sounds like the resolving moments of a horror novel. With some work, it might change the conversation from where someone works to poetry. I suggest a rewrite.
[n/a] razorgrin @ | 13-Aug-02/10:24 AM | Reply
Dear sir, seeing as your appreciation of metaphors is sadly limited,you're in little position to remark. As for your 'rewrite" remark, I suggest that you either do several month's work on your own drivel or simply euthanize the pieces of shit you put forth before the good public must view them. Flirting teenagers, eh? You must be a very mature sir to say such things. Your definition of "real poetry" seems to come from a very narrow view: the inside of your tumour-ridden colon. Good day to you.
[10] limonade @ | 13-Aug-02/11:51 AM | Reply
Again, poetandknowit, I find it hard to believe that you have ever sat through a college writing class...
[3] poetandknowit @ | 13-Aug-02/12:01 PM | Reply
Why is that lemonade? Because I can spew drivel in two seconds and folks, even like you will give it credence. I am proving a point. (I have not ventured to your work yet, but I hope it is better than some of what I have seen so far). You are a coddling patsy. Are you a high school teacher that encourages this rubbish? Not the poem above razorgirl (calm down), but in general. I do not have time to coddle. I want to read good stuff and help those writers perfect their work.
[n/a] razorgrin @ | 13-Aug-02/12:03 PM | Reply
Darling, your brilliant use of the English language astounds me."Drivel" is a noun, not a verb. What on Earth is your degree in? Business? I'm sure you were at the top of your class at the Sad Redneck Community College, really you were. you said you'd voice your precious little opinion and move on.I'm waiting. You must be very mature for your age- what are you, 19? The object of the site is to discuss poetry as you said (so observant!you get a special short-bus, rubber-undies head-pat!), so why are you doing nothing more than writing your "deep" "hip" little snippets of your dramatic little life and bragging about the fact that you took English in college. English is for useless failed writers. you should have taken some real courses.
[10] limonade @ | 13-Aug-02/12:06 PM | Reply
I say this because although some of your images have potential, they are lost in the writing. You have the inspiration, but you have yet to master the craft. Not that I think a college writing course could turn most people into good writers, but as a poet and a critic of poetry, a solid basis in form and theory certainly does no harm.
[3] poetandknowit @ | 13-Aug-02/12:06 PM | Reply
Jesus, razor girl, I am trying to move on, but everybody wants a piece of my poor hillbilly ass. I can't write fast enough. I have pete on my ass, you and lemonade. And I can only respond here. This is great work. Love it. (Is that better?)
[10] limonade @ | 13-Aug-02/12:07 PM | Reply
Psst... Hey razorbabe!
[n/a] razorgrin @ | 13-Aug-02/12:12 PM | Reply
Poetandknowit, you're too kind. you're such a stern daddy figure, helping us poor plebians with our little poems. It's not that you don't coddle, it's that you're a self-righteous, blowhard with no talent backing up his pretentious little words.
[3] poetandknowit @ | 13-Aug-02/12:13 PM | Reply
I swear razor girl this is coming to an end.
Leomonade--Theory turns me on. Seriously, we have nothing better to do here than watch plains go over our heads and contemplate. What part of my last point did you miss? But hey, on a friendlier note, I am glad you picked up the Elliot/Chaucer punch, now I know someone on this site is schooled. Even if the poem is meant to be crap. And as far as writing classes go, half of them are like group therapy, filled with needy people and looking for art in the meantime.
[10] limonade @ | 13-Aug-02/12:17 PM | Reply
Amen on your last point there, poetandknowit, m'dear.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ | 13-Aug-02/12:25 PM | Reply
Come on guys! Don't fight! Spend your time basking in the glory of the lord Jesu instead!
[3] poetandknowit @ | 28-Aug-02/3:03 PM | Reply
This could definitely be tightened. Drop some of the articles, let the real rhythm out, and change the passive to active. Make it happen as we read it. "Outside, wind blows cold, whipping faces and making knuckles ache. Dark hangs like a heavy blanket over our town." And so on. I still cannot figure out if I like the rest of the poem, but I am trying.
[8] Christof @ | 18-Sep-02/7:27 AM | Reply
I wonder if the room with walls the colour of heartblood is actually a metaphor for your heart? The alliteration of 'w' is good, creating the effect of the woind. And don't get rid of the definite articles because they give this poem a knotty, medieval rhythm that sits well with the wolves.
[n/a] razorgrin @ > Christof | 19-Sep-02/1:36 PM | Reply
thanks. It is a heart metaphor as well as a fact.(wall colour) I like definite articles.
[0] sk8boardandpoems @ | 25-Feb-03/3:42 PM | Reply
If only i had the time to rate all of your poems and haikus and whatever it is u write and give them all zeros u need help!

You are both a scoundrel and a dipshit. razorgrin knows Father Christmas, and she told me that he told her to tell me to tell you that you shan't be receiving the Fisherman's Harvest Playset you so frantically dream of.
[n/a] razorgrin @ > -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. | 26-Feb-03/7:22 AM | Reply
-=Dark_Angel=-'s right, you know. Just coal for you. maybe a badger too, but only one that's been stuffed into a burlap sack and beaten with a stick first.
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