Ode № 58318

My Last Plea

Member since 2003 · Posted 31 Jul 2003 · 7 comments

You shake me to my core. And I can't feel anymore. You put me in a trance. I hope I have a chance. I know what's at stake. That's a chance I will take. I don't want to sound fake. This isn't a piece of cake. I just don't know how to say. The way I feel everyday. I come to your door. Hoping we'll become more. I can't hear a word you say. Cause everything fades away. And then I see you smile. I reform from a broken pile. You mend all of my sorrow. Giving me hope for tomorrow. You're my last ray of light. I will not lose this fight. You're all that remains. Without you I'll go insane... I'm out on my last plea. So please do not flee. I'm down on the ground. Hoping to be found. I can't just breathe. You can't just leave. You shake me to my core. And I can't feel anymore. You put me in a trance. I hope I have a chance. I just don't know how to say. The way I feel everyday. And then I see you smile. I reform from a broken pile. You mend all of my sorrow. Giving me hope for tomorrow. You're my last ray of light. I will not lose this fight. You're all that remains. Without you I'll go insane... I'm out on my last plea. So please do not flee. I'm all alone. I want to change your tone. I hear you on the phone. Regretting what I've shown. Your voice is all I hear. Now there's nothing to fear.

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10 votes so far. Yours would make 11.10 votes so far

7 comments

[6] SupremeDreamer 31-Jul-03/1:06 AM Reply

the repetition.. is a bit redundant. 6

[6] JoyLuck 31-Jul-03/1:09 AM Reply

all the rhyming takes away from your poem

[6] SupremeDreamer › JoyLuck 31-Jul-03/1:34 AM Reply

i agree.

[6] JoyLuck › JoyLuck 31-Jul-03/1:37 AM Reply

I'm sure there is something interesting you are saying here, but when i read it my mind just gets stuff on this repititious rhyming and i start to lose track of what you're trying to say. Instead of sentences i start to think "say everday smile pile sorrow tomorrow light fight remains insane plea flee alon tone."

[5] http://mulberryfairy 31-Jul-03/9:37 AM Reply

The lines seem too short to be rhymed in an AABBCCDDEE... scheme. Maybe an ABAB CDCD would work better for these short phrases. Reading it made me think that if you read it aloud you'd be breathless by the first ending. I don't really know what the repetition of the poem adds, either.

[8] horus8 1-Aug-03/2:09 AM Reply

Childish and honest, brave. 8

[4] Moniquesuvee 9-Sep-03/8:00 AM Reply

It sounds a little too forced.