Re: with no words to write by nentwined	17-Dec-02/11:18 AM
Singular "ether" maybe? Your last line--the change in rhythm--seems to fall flat. I like the idea of this a lot, just needs some refining, I think.
Re: before I forget by moonUnit	19-Dec-02/9:59 AM
"glorious red umbrella"--nice. I like this a lot--you've managed to be wistful without falling into sticky sentimentality.
regarding some deleted poem...	19-Dec-02/10:05 AM
I like your wordplay, but this seems incoherent.
Re: March by <~>	19-Dec-02/10:10 AM
Purty.
Re: Brackish by <~>	26-Dec-02/8:01 AM
I looked at this last night quickly (but won't score or comment when sauced and saucy) and it seemed cleaner. Did you repost? S1: If you see, aren't you taking notice? (Do you really have yews? Not a tree I see a lot.) Is it really a slither you hear? Not a scurry or a scamper or something less "slitherous"? That's such a reptilian word, not one of furry beasts on cold, dry nights. S3--what is the suffering unseen in daylight? I don't think a crunch can be lacy, though the dirt can be. Love honeycombed. S4: s/b "bouquet." Like the oatgrass. Don't think "ethereally" works--actually, I'd drop the line and leave the stalks standing unaugmented. Also, "another night" seems to cry for a "but not this night." Dancing in the drought--meh. Blue-lit labyrinths draws me in, but I don't think it needs the center so explicitly. Pare, prune, tighten.
Re: Things by Quarton	26-Dec-02/9:02 AM
Bravo--good for you, Quarton! I like that you didn't make of this an abstraction--it's almost as graphic as it should be. Of course some will classify you as one of the "nuts on the fringe" for it, because that, after all, is the standard unthinking response to anything morally inconvenient. Take an ethical stance on anything, especially here in A-Murka where everything's a commodity, and you must be some kind of whack-job ('Oh, but the bibble gave man dominion over the animals, so who are you to say we shouldn't bludgeon, shock, bleed, slice, torture, slit, and anyway, I don't want to think about it . . .") Gandhi was right--"You can judge a society by the way it treats its animals." Fix your typos.
Re: Deep Inner Pain by razorgrin	26-Dec-02/5:37 PM
Hee--yum! Juicy. I want more night-gaunts.
Re: what I saw at work today by Bill Z Bub	28-Dec-02/12:18 PM
Good work, Mr. Bub. Deserves a better title.
regarding some deleted poem...	28-Dec-02/12:20 PM
Oooh, Mrs. God--sexy sexy, lush and sensuous and original. Drop "residing" and "modest" in the last line maybe? "In the confines of this room"? This is fine, fine work.
regarding some deleted poem...	28-Dec-02/12:26 PM
Again, well done! Why dolphins and whales? You jump from second to third person midway through--"your hips," "your belly," "you naked phantom," but then "he who has hid his body/his tender skin . . ./he is tanned." It's a little disorienting. Minor stuff though--this is lovely and lush, as your other is.
regarding some deleted poem...	28-Dec-02/12:31 PM
They are letters? Pictures? What is the simple act of murder? First stanza might work better as two, especially if you stop after "I sat with them all last night" and drop the rather hackneyed "remembering the good old days." This is well done but a little ambiguous.
Re: suicide weather and dreary imaginings do no good by xanthippe	28-Dec-02/12:38 PM
You have some good stuff buried in here, but it's going to topple from the weight of all the extra words. Careful, too, of the contradictions--if the sun shows no sign of returning, why does it appear in S2? Lose some of the deadweight--concrete offers no shade/drought-dead trees bring no relief/ the stars have not been seen in years/coastline utopias (no asses)/complacent minds wobble and faith can't stop the change, etc. Work with the good stuff--but WORK with it. Good luck. This could be quite good.
regarding some deleted poem...	1-Jan-03/8:34 AM
"too tired to write . . . Burns?"
regarding some deleted poem...	3-Jan-03/7:33 AM
What, no noir Scottish zombies? This is very funny--you're a regula Dashiell Hammett. But whaddaya gonna do?
Re: The dance by purplestain	3-Jan-03/7:39 AM
Show me the dance, don't just tell me about it. Lose the soaring spirits and dreamy dream dreaming. See how Roethke does it? http://gawow.com/roethke/poems/43.html
regarding some deleted poem...	3-Jan-03/7:50 AM
Some good lines, but wordy. You could drop the whole first stanza and, with a minor tweak here and there, lose nothing by it. Do people really say "ill from drink" where you're from (in the high desert)? "Fogged from eating bread"--meh. I like the waiting for the sign from the heavens but then rejecting the two church girls and even "contribute to their saving." Ha. Chimes would not make me think of a symphony--something simpler maybe. Pretty good, but could be cleaner.
regarding some deleted poem...	3-Jan-03/8:42 PM
Zzinnia is right about the I & II--it serves no purpose here. You have some pretty lines, but this is flimsy--there's nothing forming a coherent whole here.
regarding some deleted poem...	3-Jan-03/8:47 PM
So, I hear your new filing technique is unstoppable. This is clever and even makes a nice shape on the page--of course, -=Dark_Angel=-'s version has that lovely ~fin~. You both forgot to put in the part where Ornella Muti is revealed to be a Horus8 Kreation (TM)--or does that happen in the sequel? I always forget.
Re: I Retry My Resolve by Nicholas Jones	3-Jan-03/8:51 PM
Abort, retry, fail? "Therefore I shall distrusted" doesn't make sense. Typo in last line. But that's minor stuff--overall, this just doesn't do enough or show enough. What's the story, the moment, the message?
Re: Curse fait by Freethinker1602	10-Jan-03/10:00 AM
omg awww dat was so good i love it mami i can so rel8 2 wat u feel