Re: The Magician by Hooman	2-Dec-02/5:07 PM
I think you mean "fear is a desert," not a crepe suzette. I don't mock--I once wrote "draught holds the memory of water." (Which it surely does, but that wasn't the point.)
regarding some deleted poem...	2-Dec-02/5:16 PM
I'd like this if only because you used "crenellated" without using "battlements"--but I like it for a lot of other reasons. Lovely sustained imagery. Stanza three--think it'd be stronger if you ended on "threaded [with?] the colors of the morn" and dropped the next line.
Re: Pretty Skin Deep by confuzdlilgirl	3-Dec-02/3:52 PM
Great title for a punk rock song--Why not play with it--"pretty skin deep," word sounds, word play, stream of consciousness, and see what happens when you don't concentrate on rhymes and telling a tale.
Re: Poem For Times Such As These by Nicholas Jones	4-Dec-02/6:31 AM
I wouldn't call this imbecilic at all (and not just because I share many of your opinions here), but I would call it an essay, not a poem. Free verse was revolutionary because it broke the bonds of rigid structure, but it still, generally speaking, relied on condensed language chosen as much for sound and imagery as for the message or experience it conveyed. I don't get that here. Perhaps the rhythm is too subtle for me and others to pick up here.
Re: The Black Cottage by w~* ATHENA *~w	4-Dec-02/6:36 AM
Plagiarist. Loser. This is a Robert Frost poem.
Re: HATTIE by Nicholas Monson	4-Dec-02/6:48 AM
You have a deft touch. Wonderful imagery.
regarding some deleted poem...	4-Dec-02/9:58 AM
Okay, I'm probably being a dolt, but what's the shape supposed to convey?
regarding some deleted poem...	4-Dec-02/7:41 PM
Disjointed and jagged. The commas are annoying and unnecessary most of the time. It's as if you're trying to force the rhythm. It's emperor (I never get it right either.)
regarding some deleted poem...	4-Dec-02/7:49 PM
Your first two lines don't seem to match the mood of the rest of it. Third stanza is probably the strongest, but I think your last two lines there (first night of miracles and damnation) pack less of a punch than the preceding two (skirting the confines of the true and the impossible). Maybe reverse the order? I like the "dreams that steal her breath." There should be more tension, I think, or heat.
regarding some deleted poem...	5-Dec-02/1:58 PM
You tell such great stories in your poems! I like this a lot, great details. A few comments: Second stanza, third line: s/b preferring Maybe drop "disorienting" next stanza and just go with "awakening to a vacant land"? Also, maybe end on a comma, not a period, so it runs into "chilled, surrounded by sand . . ." Not sure if you mean there "surrounded by sand; your smile; an echo of what was left of the moon" (i.e., surronded by all three)--right now, it kind of reads as if you're comparing his smile to an echo of the moon. I love "limbless, carnal movements," but "hip" in the next line throws me, maybe "slide and sway?" and drop the mother line? (i.e., limbless carnal movements, signature of [something] and sway.) Did you put the mother line b/c of mother's milk/milking venom? Not sure I get that. Comma after "truck" rather than period. Last stanza is terrific. Hell, the whole thing is. "Peerless" sound doesn't seem right.
regarding some deleted poem...	6-Dec-02/8:48 AM
I really like this. Are you Stephen Malkmus? (Lead singer of Pavement--the words Serpentine and "slip stream" remind of of some Pavement titles.) "Lips waxed by Maybelline" interrupts the flow for me. The rhymes work subtly and even the repetition of me in the last stanza works. What's the significance of the sixes? I looked up "Hinnom"--can you tell me your intent in including it? Sacrifice? Great work.
Re: missing time by Bill Z Bub	7-Dec-02/8:10 AM
Wonderful! I think GW offers good advice regarding stopping after "new" in S4--you make your point with "rigidity" and "attack" later. "Clutched core" and the morning-madness kitty attack under the door are excellent. Not sure about the fold/gold/old rhyme--I'd probably drop it. Really like this.
Re: The Poem, The Explanation, The Goodbye by Piano	7-Dec-02/8:18 AM
Excellent poem. The explanation was unnecessary and melodramatic. Good luck to you and your dignity.
Re: Missing the In-Between by <~>	10-Dec-02/8:29 AM
"We are warm together"--yegods, that's perfect. You and that lovely, earthy simplicity, damn you. Up to your usual standard.
Re: To You, In Warmer Climes by <~>	10-Dec-02/9:11 AM
This is wonderful. I honestly think the "would have you here with me" lines in the first two stanzas weaken them--it's implicit in the "woulds" that he is not, and the penultimate lines are so strong it seems a shame not to let them stand. Maybe it's just me. Also, in the same vein, "badge of New England" is not as strong an image as "autumn's first blood" and seems to detract from it--you're winging south so must be north. I like the pun with Mercury.
regarding some deleted poem...	10-Dec-02/2:27 PM
I like this; vivid and spare.
Re: cold sonnet by <~>	10-Dec-02/8:13 PM
One of my absolute favorites. It reads aloud like an incantation. 10
Re: alienheart by Bill Z Bub	11-Dec-02/6:54 AM
Hee! I love this! Playful, adept, "true majic."
Re: Danse by Limness	12-Dec-02/12:09 PM
Like the middle bits a lot, but the frame doesn't really work for me. My immediate reaction was "well, then, what are you going to tell me in this one?" and then you don't, you just dance around the room. Last stanza seems tacked on.
Re: Cecelia by Nicholas Monson	17-Dec-02/6:47 AM
"Audrey Hepburn with a Viking gene"--hee! Great fun and a technically (and otherwise) well-executed sonnet!