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with no words to write (Free verse) by nentwined
with no words to write, I'm writing a poem a psalm of remembrance for words that once were spun wholecloth from ethers, the ethereal nothing and embroidered with thoughts I can't grasp.

Up the ladder: Drunk and Fucked Up
Down the ladder: A Year Later (edited a bit)

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Arithmetic Mean: 7.12
Weighted score: 7.105811
Overall Rank: 128
Posted: December 17, 2002 8:44 AM PST; Last modified: December 17, 2002 11:07 AM PST
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Comments:
[8] <~> @ 167.206.181.179 | 17-Dec-02/11:01 AM | Reply
howzabout switching it to read thusly:
spun wholecloth from ethers, the ethereal nothing
[n/a] nentwined @ 66.92.183.34 > <~> | 17-Dec-02/11:06 AM | Reply
that works. :)
[7] ecargo @ 208.249.92.99 | 17-Dec-02/11:18 AM | Reply
Singular "ether" maybe?

Your last line--the change in rhythm--seems to fall flat.

I like the idea of this a lot, just needs some refining, I think.

[n/a] nentwined @ 66.92.183.34 > ecargo | 17-Dec-02/11:30 AM | Reply
maybe without the "and" in the last line?

yeah. 'ethers', the more I look at it, fails somehow. maybe 'embers' would work. that ties in lost things, and a touch of fire which I always love... :)
[8] Fetylum @ 64.172.150.210 | 17-Dec-02/5:08 PM | Reply
Hm, only thing that makes me twitch is that 'can't'. I think it would have a better ring to it if spelled 'cannot' Otherwise, it's lovely ^_^!
[n/a] nentwined @ 66.92.183.34 > Fetylum | 17-Dec-02/8:07 PM | Reply
interesting. the flow of can't -> cannot makes the last line match the others more closely. I hadn't thought of trying that. Thanks. :)
[n/a] New Life Drug @ 64.175.38.129 | 17-Dec-02/5:41 PM | Reply
You took my poem idea. That's so lame! I wrote before you though so HA!
[n/a] nentwined @ 66.92.183.34 > New Life Drug | 17-Dec-02/8:07 PM | Reply
HA!

erm. which one? :)
[8] whispern_smoke_wisp @ 205.188.116.135 | 9-Mar-05/3:52 PM | Reply
i really really like this!
-zarina
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