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The dance

Member since 2002 · Posted 3 Jan 2003 · 9 comments

Did you have any idea, How happy I was when you asked for a dance? My spirits were soaring, And it only took your two strong arms to bring me back, Your warm embrace melted my cold icy guard, The world just passed me by, As I look into your eyes, And you drew me closer, The moment was just like a dream, A dance I will never forget.

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mean 4.75 weighted 4.93 rank 9122 views 152 View voting details →

8 votes so far. Yours would make 9.8 votes so far

9 comments

[6] wOrnella Mutiw 3-Jan-03/12:39 AM Reply

last line...and then the song was over.

[10] <{Baba^Yaga}> 3-Jan-03/1:29 AM Reply

yes, i remember..this just popped up in front of me, suprised the hell out of me, is this you ang?

[8] horus8 3-Jan-03/1:42 AM Reply

sorry, i thought you were a girl i new from butterfield, minn. if you can believe that....strong poem, simple, and see how well it worked! a universal theme and feel to it, i wouldn't be suprised if more people responded to this the way i did. have an eight.

[4] ecargo 3-Jan-03/7:39 AM Reply

Show me the dance, don't just tell me about it. Lose the soaring spirits and dreamy dream dreaming. See how Roethke does it? http://gawow.com/roethke/poems/43.html

[n/a] purplestain › ecargo 4-Jan-03/2:24 AM Reply

wow, this is by far the most overwhelming response i've ever received for posting a poem. i actually got a rating of 10! that really caught me by surprise. thank you for all your comments, i appreciate it. and by the way, i don't think i know anyone of you here as i'm from malaysia, and if you're wondering where is that, it's somewhere in south east asia

[n/a] Quarton › purplestain 9-Jan-03/4:32 PM Reply

Hi purplestain....
This has definite potential but needs some
work IMO. One example: (line 9)

"Melted my cold icy quard..."

Delete "cold"....The reader knows it is cold
because it is icy. Redundancy is a tough one,
for who knows when it becomes, as an example,
merely more descriptive... and meriting inclusion.

Brevity is a good thought and certainly has
merit though I don't mean length but rather,
an economy of words that is pertinent to the
poem's intention or meaning, whether only 14
lines as is yours or 140. Basically, cut away
the fat whenever feasible.

Hope you don't mind my crit and pleassse, don't
read any more of my poems. Everything I mention
to be avoided... I still do only less often than
I used to:) Really a feel good poem, the type I
should write more often though I doubt I could make
one of mime as warm and romantic as yours.

[n/a] purplestain › Quarton 9-Jan-03/8:05 PM Reply

thank you for your word of advice. i will definitely take it into account in my next attempt at writing.
but why would you not want me to read any more of your poems?

[n/a] Quarton › purplestain 10-Jan-03/12:31 PM Reply

Actually, I would be happy if you did read more of mine. In posting on this forum, we all wish for more readers. I was
kind of kidding as I still do the opposite of what I said a
poet should not do. But, not as often as I used to:)

[n/a] Quarton › purplestain 10-Jan-03/12:33 PM Reply