| regarding some deleted poem... |
5-Jun-04/12:52 PM |
blah blah blah-continue-blah blah blah-please-blah blah blah blah blah.
5. The rest upon delivery.
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| Re: becoming by <~> |
5-Jun-04/1:17 PM |
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Too smart to be a pimple, why? I like the way this rolls but it sounds just abit rap-ish. Should I turn the potentiometer below 33 1/3?
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| Re: A short trip home by titan69 |
5-Jun-04/2:37 PM |
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Does the figure wear a tall hat? Is it cloaked in a cloak? Is it arm-ed with prawnes? Scary indeed.
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| Re: A Hick's Rendition of "Fire and Ice" by Enkidu |
5-Jun-04/2:41 PM |
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Of the two, this ones funnier. If they ever see a book, they should be on the same page or back to back.
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| Re: The butchers consolation (Kyrielle) by SupremeDreamer |
5-Jun-04/2:51 PM |
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Gangs of New York, all gussied up. Listen and fix the hiccups.
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| Re: why I hate politics by edwardo |
6-Jun-04/6:28 AM |
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Well Ed, I think you've got some of us piqued. I think this needs more. But that's me.
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| Re: and you by edwardo |
6-Jun-04/6:30 AM |
Sometimes,
a firecracker
resonates
like a bomb.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
6-Jun-04/7:25 AM |
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I don't like the bacon. Try something else. And I think you could lose the third line of the first stanza and not be worse off. Great imagery.
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| Re: paperclips by son of the moon |
6-Jun-04/7:27 AM |
Lose the -little fuckers. and the parentheses marks.
I like it.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
6-Jun-04/6:34 PM |
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You delivered. So shall I.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
6-Jun-04/7:49 PM |
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A bit bumpy. Just read it aloud to yourself over and over and rewrite it to iron it out. 2 poems ago took me 5 rewrites just to get it to this point and I'm still finding nits. time. patience. work. that is all.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
7-Jun-04/9:26 AM |
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*BELCH* as he picks wings from his teeth.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
7-Jun-04/6:38 PM |
I really like the fourth stanza. Please keep that. I'm not sure I'd continue - "I find myself wishing..."
But do follow up. Meat and potatoes stuff here.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
7-Jun-04/6:48 PM |
A pseudo useful anecdote:
While at a restaraunt today our server suggested something she really liked and I saw that *glint* in her eyes as she spoke of this entree. It was quite a lusty glint. Suggesting this particular entree might satiate her.
It was really quite unnerving.
10. I believe in education.
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| Re: Le Sommeil- Slumber by Sasha |
7-Jun-04/7:09 PM |
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I don't know french, but I'd say that since the french version end rhymes also, this took a few cups of espresso to complete.
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| Re: Writers' Block by wilco |
7-Jun-04/7:15 PM |
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| Re: Bitter bacardi makes the black stones dance. by SupremeDreamer |
7-Jun-04/7:34 PM |
If you wrote the other one about the tequila worm, then, meh, is my feeling. If not, meh anyway.
Maybe try one about Goldschlager instead.
Goldschlager- Noun. What Goldmember has in his pants.
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| Re: Carl Jung And the Flying Spiders by horus8 |
7-Jun-04/7:45 PM |
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Your highway was plenty wide, pinballish though. Too bad Jung was working the construction zone and you failed to slow. Poor Carl. 9. For drowning me.
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| Re: mutiny by Bill Z Bub |
8-Jun-04/5:47 AM |
I like it, therapy or not. good to see you again.
Not sure about being entwined in planks.
I flat out don't understand the therapy line. Don't change it yet. Imma thinkin'. Prelim 8
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| Re: A life unsure by sliver |
8-Jun-04/5:55 AM |
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Yes you're doing well with this piece. Set it aside for a couple days, then read it aloud and listen and mark the spots that bug you. 8 keep going.
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