| Re: Jack and Jill by Dovina |
23-Feb-05/6:42 AM |
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Didja see the lawyer show where the guy killed someone and the whole reason behind the ordeal was he didn't get a date from some chick. In the meantime he became muslim (extremist) because they supposedly believe women are inferior. It was funny. And scary.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
23-Feb-05/6:56 AM |
"poorly disguised appeals to pedophilia" Righton.
How about those nasty appeals to adultophilia? Nobody cares about the adults any more.
toally good. totally.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
24-Feb-05/9:14 AM |
My turn:
In the beginning, it was simply the road that drew me.
Black asphalt - a serpentine layer of coils laid down across the mountain, like God himself had decided to play with a cowboy lariat and , having tired of the game , let it fall in twisted folds to the ground.
Theres more poetry in this opening paragraph from a motorcycle magazine than in all of what you've posted on Poemranker. It may be acrostic, but that's all.
the problem is not us dear. It's you. When you start reading deeper poetry , then you'll start writing deeper poetry. Then the nasty comments will slide away
like the snowmelt under the early spring sun.
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| Re: Corner Shop, 5 Quinton Road by Caducus |
25-Feb-05/6:41 AM |
Well, you sent me to the dictionary. 3 points. I'm okay with girning and cantering, damson is a reach. 2 points. The construction is overall solid. 2 points.
The puntuation is good,somethings fishy about the opening line. Maybe a bit run on. It's also visually well balanced. 2 points. It's definitely worth "finishing".
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| Re: Itâs the Management by Dovina |
25-Feb-05/6:44 AM |
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| Re: Last Time by DevilBuni |
26-Feb-05/6:28 AM |
A: Heat? Heart-line 7
B: We already have a pinkfluffybunnyrabbitofdoom. no kidding.
C: You're 21. I hope you've had some life experiences by now that you can tap into. This poem is too simple.
D: Case in point, line 3 rewrite: All I see in his eyes is a reflection of myself. OR His blue m and m eyes with ms' too large to see through.
Telling vs showing. look around for an image. Read everything. Everything!!! My motorcycle pants are called barrier pants. I saw the label as I was sitting on the toilet. I may use this in apoem some time. Again, Read EVERYTHING! billboards magazines pillbottle labels. There are images and poetic symbols and stuff all over the place. We don't just think out of the box at p/r. We shredded our boxes then burned them and used the ashed to feed our Begonias. Poetry isn't just about feelings, it's about finding NEW ways to express what we feel. Be creative. Be absurd Go nuts.
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| Re: Itâs the Management by Dovina |
26-Feb-05/6:30 AM |
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| Re: Rough Translation (Prose) by William Alfaro |
26-Feb-05/6:43 AM |
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| Re: Homecoming Parade by wilco |
28-Feb-05/6:14 AM |
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I like it too. another kind of parade might make me happier. unless it's supposed to carry the undertones of war. Say, any relation to the "band" wilco?
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| Re: Pilgrim by richa |
8-Mar-05/1:48 PM |
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richa. you posted. how wierd. the crust reference makes me grin.
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| Re: Beetwen by Dovina |
8-Mar-05/2:04 PM |
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10 for the difficulty in intentionally fucking the spelling up.
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| Re: genious by the_poetess |
8-Mar-05/7:23 PM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
8-Mar-05/7:27 PM |
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The one that looks like a g-nome.
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| Re: Today, last year was on a Sunday by thepinkbunnyofdoom |
8-Mar-05/7:30 PM |
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Easy day. These things usually drag on for months. Who the hell is Devilbuni?
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| Re: eat what you want. by burgerking33 |
9-Mar-05/1:02 PM |
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burger, fries, shake, should all be the las words in each stanza. Put THAT in your cherry pie.
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| Re: knowledge building on knowledge by nentwined |
9-Mar-05/1:05 PM |
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Unless you're me in which case a stiff wind blew all my seeds out to sea and i'm just wilting now. Always good when you -ain't skeered. write more damnit.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
9-Mar-05/2:17 PM |
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I'll try to help once again. Your opener. The scribbles and dents made me think about the marks a pen leaves when it has no ink in it. invisible words. It's a great tool you've stumbled upon. wet it down and spin it up. no vote. yet.
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| Re: The Snow Globe by Caducus |
10-Mar-05/5:48 AM |
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Other than her mascara (flowing). This rocks.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
10-Mar-05/5:53 AM |
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If the newbies read stuff like this,-and think about it or read twice before commenting- we might see some effort from them.
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| Re: Apostrophetic Loss by Dovina |
10-Mar-05/12:08 PM |
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