on In the berth by INTRANSIT
25 Nov 2007, 11:25 AM
In another edit I've condensed the opener into two lines, and the closer into two lines. Also contemplating replacing -cat- with -engine.
on The Dung Beetles by Pappa
23 Nov 2007, 12:57 PM
Ok. So I'm making a connection between dung beetles and humans, but not much else. What is the technical description of an Englyn? Welcome to Das 'Ranker!
on some deleted poem
23 Nov 2007, 1:03 PM
The focus on hand holding is very likeable. Different line breaks, and some more editing would be good. The spice is right, just stir it some more.
on some deleted poem
23 Nov 2007, 1:10 PM
First read. Deep, like an addict.
I like that north of the Fading line, it's slow, then starts to speed up after the line. Like waking. There's good music here. Fidgets pinned- is great. Still, the first half seems a little wordy. Let some others opine before you change it though.
I like that north of the Fading line, it's slow, then starts to speed up after the line. Like waking. There's good music here. Fidgets pinned- is great. Still, the first half seems a little wordy. Let some others opine before you change it though.
on some deleted poem
23 Nov 2007, 1:17 PM
One change. add- to- in line 7. Uzwise.....
on some deleted poem
23 Nov 2007, 1:19 PM
LLove this. Just read it over and over until you get the beat perfect.
on Heroes to the End by sliver
22 Nov 2007, 12:41 PM
Technically, L-11 each day with loss
L-12 -that's hard to justify.
Otherwise, Amen
L-12 -that's hard to justify.
Otherwise, Amen
on Death and the black dog by Caducus
22 Nov 2007, 12:45 PM
I sense expectation of death in the first two stanzas. Um, I'm not going to comment just yet. I think there's more you want to say. Let it ferment, C.
on What ever happend to Kelly Green? by titan69
22 Nov 2007, 12:47 PM
True story or not, put your back into it, man. This is an easy 9. But not yet.
on some deleted poem
23 Nov 2007, 1:36 PM
rhcp rules ! I haven't read the poem. yet.
on The Taking by Skamper
16 Nov 2007, 7:34 AM
For some reason, I'd like lines one and two inverted.
Leave the big gap but lose the -then-
Love it!
Leave the big gap but lose the -then-
Love it!
on A Vernal Tale by MacFrantic
18 Nov 2007, 7:11 AM
Suggestions.
Lines 4,8,10 no comma
L-11 split? or spilt?
L-16 no comma / changet to -though
L-18 IN soil
Last stanza go 4 lines
Penultimate- one comma after year
Last line-- the? instead of her?
Lines 4,8,10 no comma
L-11 split? or spilt?
L-16 no comma / changet to -though
L-18 IN soil
Last stanza go 4 lines
Penultimate- one comma after year
Last line-- the? instead of her?
on A Cyclamatic Word of Advice by Skamper
20 Nov 2007, 8:02 AM
Cyclamatic ? Wow. There's a word. Say, is it just me, or do I rely way too much on images to do my speaking for me?
This is really good Skamper. Not sure about that -maybe-.
This is really good Skamper. Not sure about that -maybe-.
on A Cyclamatic Word of Advice by Skamper
21 Nov 2007, 6:18 AM
This reminds me of one I wrote where a woman gives back an engagement ring. And his rib.
on Sisters of mercy by titan69
21 Nov 2007, 6:22 AM
your stile? that much is right.
on Collective Soul by sliver
12 Nov 2007, 7:27 PM
Poets.org. Watch the video. Look up the book. Get back to me. Good to see you again. Join us or you will be assimilated.
what the hell?
what the hell?