| Re: Collective Soul by sliver |
12-Nov-07/7:27 PM |
Poets.org. Watch the video. Look up the book. Get back to me. Good to see you again. Join us or you will be assimilated.
what the hell?
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| Re: AKA Poets by Skamper |
14-Nov-07/6:00 AM |
Yes. Who AM I to call mysef a poet. I'm sure I shouldn't be writing. According to Billy Collins at least.
Temerity-perfect.
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| Re: The Taking by Skamper |
16-Nov-07/7:34 AM |
For some reason, I'd like lines one and two inverted.
Leave the big gap but lose the -then-
Love it!
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| Re: Tingling by INTRANSIT |
16-Nov-07/8:21 AM |
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Dropped the -crimson. Reformed into stanzas. I'm wondering if -melon- is too vague.
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| Re: A Vernal Tale by MacFrantic |
18-Nov-07/7:11 AM |
Suggestions.
Lines 4,8,10 no comma
L-11 split? or spilt?
L-16 no comma / changet to -though
L-18 IN soil
Last stanza go 4 lines
Penultimate- one comma after year
Last line-- the? instead of her?
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| Re: Liar by Roisin |
18-Nov-07/7:17 AM |
I would make the first stanza four lines and give -bitch- its own.
I think you can lose -glinting and move suffocated by sin up. I'd also like ahint as to who is catching the hot lead.
hope that helps.
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| Re: A Cyclamatic Word of Advice by Skamper |
20-Nov-07/8:02 AM |
Cyclamatic ? Wow. There's a word. Say, is it just me, or do I rely way too much on images to do my speaking for me?
This is really good Skamper. Not sure about that -maybe-.
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| Re: A Cyclamatic Word of Advice by Skamper |
21-Nov-07/6:18 AM |
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This reminds me of one I wrote where a woman gives back an engagement ring. And his rib.
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| Re: Sisters of mercy by titan69 |
21-Nov-07/6:22 AM |
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your stile? that much is right.
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| Re: Heroes to the End by sliver |
22-Nov-07/12:41 PM |
Technically, L-11 each day with loss
L-12 -that's hard to justify.
Otherwise, Amen
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| Re: Death and the black dog by Caducus |
22-Nov-07/12:45 PM |
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I sense expectation of death in the first two stanzas. Um, I'm not going to comment just yet. I think there's more you want to say. Let it ferment, C.
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| Re: What ever happend to Kelly Green? by titan69 |
22-Nov-07/12:47 PM |
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True story or not, put your back into it, man. This is an easy 9. But not yet.
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| Re: The Dung Beetles by Pappa |
23-Nov-07/12:57 PM |
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Ok. So I'm making a connection between dung beetles and humans, but not much else. What is the technical description of an Englyn? Welcome to Das 'Ranker!
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| Re: Stringed by thetrev |
23-Nov-07/12:58 PM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
23-Nov-07/1:03 PM |
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The focus on hand holding is very likeable. Different line breaks, and some more editing would be good. The spice is right, just stir it some more.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
23-Nov-07/1:10 PM |
First read. Deep, like an addict.
I like that north of the Fading line, it's slow, then starts to speed up after the line. Like waking. There's good music here. Fidgets pinned- is great. Still, the first half seems a little wordy. Let some others opine before you change it though.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
23-Nov-07/1:17 PM |
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One change. add- to- in line 7. Uzwise.....
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
23-Nov-07/1:19 PM |
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LLove this. Just read it over and over until you get the beat perfect.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
23-Nov-07/1:36 PM |
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rhcp rules ! I haven't read the poem. yet.
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| Re: In the berth by INTRANSIT |
25-Nov-07/11:25 AM |
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In another edit I've condensed the opener into two lines, and the closer into two lines. Also contemplating replacing -cat- with -engine.
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