Re: Your Eyes by Dovina	18-Oct-06/2:45 AM
Great poem. It flows incredibly well for me until the last line. At first read I thought the reference to self bothered me, but now I'm not so sure. It just doesn't seem to fit with the rest. Honestly, I don't understand (as other posters mention) how your work varies in quality so much. Farewell Kind Lover was another diamond, but most of the stuff in between I haven't liked very much. Anyway, this is great.
Re: Slur by MacFrantic	24-Oct-06/12:41 AM
I like it. It reads well. The one thing I would do: change 'devastation' to 'devastated' or something else entirely.
Re: 311006 txt to russia by daniella	31-Oct-06/3:02 AM
I like this very much. Although the form seems to beg to be rid of line three and four, and replaced with 'rolling across deserts'. You are very close. The title sucks. I love numbers, but they are for math.
Re: leavetaking by daniella	31-Oct-06/3:20 AM
Im sorry, it's just not written well.
Re: Politick by Wakeboarder20	31-Oct-06/3:30 AM
We've all seen the three piece suit politician you're talking about. Cigars, briefcases, etc. A poem is much better if you make the point from a DIFFERENT angle. Lead us on a bit, make us work a bit to get to the solution.
Re: Jesus Around Your Neck (Final Version) by Wakeboarder20	31-Oct-06/3:35 AM
Try leading your audience instead of telling them what to think. I hate whining.
Re: Silver Lining by Wakeboarder20	31-Oct-06/3:50 AM
Cliche anyone? Im not trying to be a jerk, but you need to try to get out of cliche mode. Make your point from a semi-unique angle. If you talk about a specific experience, the obvious points will come though wihtout you having to tell us. Tell us instead about the intricacies of the experience. The name of the poem itself is a cliche.
Re: Fare Price (Final Version) by Wakeboarder20	31-Oct-06/4:05 AM
If you think your religion/church is so blood sucking than why do you still follow it? Or have you recently left a church? I have never practiced religion for these obvious reasons. Spirituality > Religion. Find a unique way to say it instead of staing the obvious.
Re: Suburban Spleen by Sasha	31-Oct-06/4:10 AM
Well written.
Re: Rare Oul' Times in the County Wicklow by Edna Sweetlove	31-Oct-06/4:16 AM
I had a comment to make, but seeing as the author is a total fuck, I'll keep it to myself. Edna=0 Just because. :)
Re: Poem for Mahmuth by Dental Panic	1-Nov-06/10:32 PM
Reminds me of Hunter Thompson for some reason. Throw in some mention of ether and you'll be the next gonzo journallist.
regarding some deleted poem...	11-Feb-07/10:14 AM
The first stanza gets a ten. I think you could have stopped it right there and had a great poem. The rest is just unconnected imagery that bores.
Re: a days journey by donmiguel1960	11-Feb-07/10:24 AM
Mournful sounds awkward to me positioned as it is. 'furthermost' sounded awkward to me as well, I didn't even think it was a word. I was wrong. Try restructiing lines to eliminateg 90% of the "my"'s, and you'll be much happier with it I think.
Re: Ode to a Pimple-Lyric Spawned by Phalkon's Greasy Face. by SupremeDreamer	11-Feb-07/10:27 AM
Dog shit.
Re: Celui by half.italian	11-Feb-07/10:27 AM
Have at it.
regarding some deleted poem...	11-Feb-07/10:31 AM
nice!
Re: Fuck Shelters, & fuck OutReach Court. by SupremeDreamer	11-Feb-07/10:39 AM
yikes.
regarding some deleted poem...	12-Feb-07/8:44 PM
It paints a good picture in my head. I almost think you should stay with the rhythm through the last last line. ie. 'alone in bed.'
Re: The Medium of Dunce by Ranger	12-Feb-07/8:51 PM
I think you sacrafice something here trying to fit your meaning into rhyme. Nice imagery though.
Re: Swansong by MacFrantic	12-Feb-07/8:56 PM
The rhyimg doesn't seem to work. I also don't like the two 'ing' endings right next to each other on line 3. The last four lines, on the other hand are great. The rhyme works and the words all well put.