Re: Uncontrolled scribblings one luch break by Nicholas Jones	10-Jan-06/2:52 AM
Fresh, and spattered with emotions and scraps of thoughts that seem like they have gone straight from the head to the page.
Re: Tulip by richa	10-Jan-06/5:36 AM
What on earth is this???
Re: Comment on Avian 'flu by Stephen Robins	11-Jan-06/1:16 AM
You bastard
Re: the black light by crwncka1	18-Jan-06/9:32 AM
Interesting as a story, but the repetition of words to be creepy comes off making it sound like it should be read to scare children on halloween.
Re: Is Dying Ugly? by D. $ Fontera	18-Jan-06/9:34 AM
You have put such minimal thought into this poem, and such minimal effort into making it a poem.
Re: Three Skinheads by Caducus	18-Jan-06/9:36 AM
Some very good lines in here, although a lot of the verses seem to be built around this lines, condensing it could improve the experience for people like me.
Re: Read this by Southern_Bell	18-Jan-06/9:37 AM
The statement is too true, but the poem is crap.
Re: four walls by crwncka1	19-Jan-06/1:34 AM
Reminds me of the film Labyrinth at the end with the staircases
Re: The Frey by Southern_Bell	19-Jan-06/1:37 AM
The double line spaces add massively to the piece, drumming up suspence ... an enjoyable piece. The trussels line is a bit odd though, Im not even sure what they are, but they dont seem to quite blend in with this dark romancing poem.
Re: Relief (Ventilation Shaft rewrite) by cyan9	19-Jan-06/1:41 AM
Origional Glaring at the glowing drops of steel As they dripped from the scarred anvil Like beads of tempered rain running Into crevice and crack like red lightning Forks streaking cross charcoal sky From whence rain came as cool ash Damping breathing, calming the very soul. Striking out with intention of murder Whipping up more anger to draw the victim, The strangler who sketched with chalk finger The outlines of bodies and dark little stories Venting to peace and evenings drinking Red wine with soft cheese following Extended visits to the patisserie. Darkness undressed her all scarred and withered, Weaving its storm clouds and pronouncing out loud “All should kneel then be proud” to yield to adversity, Any little difficulty could go unsolved so easily Until the day he turned away from all that hate, Turned around and remedied his complaints, his disdain.
regarding some deleted poem...	19-Jan-06/2:12 AM
Absolutely suberb view of the situation, and a very clear description. The source for improvment I can think of is for you to read the lyrics to Marilyn Manson's 'Tourniquet', in that a situation that reminds me of this, is described, and it contains some very good detailed and dark lyrics, that may give you some ideas. This is one of yours that appeals to me the most, and thankfully there is room for improvement.
Re: Topper Fey by ALChemy	19-Jan-06/3:08 PM
Like it, amusing and fun. verse with Now thank the lord above stood out a little too much for my likings, too much of a change of rythm, or maybe the wrong sort of change
Re: a week off by hendrimike	19-Jan-06/3:11 PM
"the horizon becomes the sunlights throne, orange purple red and gold" are very good lines, I thought this was simple and nice, and probobally deserved more than some of the votes its been given.
Re: Fredrick Illinois by rahson_s	19-Jan-06/3:13 PM
It left me wanting to shoot Fredrick Illinois
Re: May I Help by Dovina	20-Jan-06/5:04 AM
Really liked the first verse, nice feel all the way through, last 2 lines warming as well.
regarding some deleted poem...	20-Jan-06/5:04 AM
Wretched
Re: The Unforgiven II by alvinb	4-Apr-06/7:38 AM
The best thing Ive read on this site
Re: Shy, quiet by Ranger	4-Apr-06/7:45 AM
Didn't really get this, it was cool, and an enjoyeable ride, I think Im glad that I havn't got it in the end + it grows on me. After reading your ecplanation I geuss to clarify it without giving away what you are talking about you might consider using a few more cat like terms e.g. feline, and also references to looking at the women.
regarding some deleted poem...	4-Apr-06/7:48 AM
I geuss this isn't really meant to be a serious contender, it has some cute imagery like the tire tubes (tyre?) which stand out for better or for worse
Re: The Battle of Fort Bragg by Dovina	9-Apr-06/2:10 PM
I am curious to see whether making verses 2-5 rhyme in a plodding, marching kind of way would add to the piece