Re: Avian Child by Tekara	14-Jun-05/4:43 PM
Smiling...someone after my own heart....looks like the stuff I wrote a LONG time ago! Fly! I am sure you meant to end with! Great line> I was born an avian child, /the winds intrigued, the skies beguiled. Form and format and puctuation and word choice...well...it needs cleaning up, but time will give you the polish you need...keep writing!
Re: She Cries by holden_caulfield	14-Jun-05/4:53 PM
I see some awesome lines and words in this....keep writing! These caught my attention>"Stars dripped from the sky/Leaving me black and empty." "This mud veined blood stained place." (mud-veined, blood-stained place) and "Fall gently upon us like a snowflake on a winter branch, Naked and brittle
regarding some deleted poem...	5-Jul-05/5:13 PM
Ugh...sorry. The very last four lines would be a good start to something, though.
regarding some deleted poem...	5-Jul-05/5:19 PM
The therapist in me says: You are responsible for your own hapiness, and that you put the weight of your wellness on someone else would scare the average well-balanced person...smile...that said, I REALLY liked the first four lines, and then I felt a gradual let down, more and more as I read.
regarding some deleted poem...	5-Jul-05/5:27 PM
Suggestion: I would think that to put this to music, you would want the same number of syllables, or some format of rythm in the lines. Hear my PLEA...not plead. OR hear me plead....one or the other; and the end with 'complete', when you rhymed the first three? Maybe the first three could be said another way as to not rhyme? I think either follow a format, or don't...but definitely don't start, then stop, then switch types, then start again. Too sporatic. All and all...seems juvenile, in form and content and generally poorly put together.
regarding some deleted poem...	5-Jul-05/5:34 PM
WOO-HOO...my very first vote of 8! (Actually the first above middle ground!) Good form, good rythm to the words, good content, good word choice to express the emotion...awesome job! Will have to look up lugubriously...laborious word there...but hey...a little educational enrichment never hurt anyone...and it makes me think an intellegent but tormented soul wrote this...,which feeds right into the tone of this piece! Two thumbs up! ACTUALLY, think I will change my vopte to a 9...just because this is so much better than anything I have read thus far...
Re: Apathy by nentwined	11-Jul-05/7:23 AM
ooo...I like this...there are a few places where the choice to break word flow/sentence/thought, within the lines, is strange to me... "Trust in one's own self opens eyes and grants power" About: "there's momentous" , think an "a" in there would be nice; especially since you use "on a flower". I admit that it is hard to use puncuation correctly, at times, especially with poems like this, that are freeflowing thoughts that lead into one another, often disconnected, but connected, depending on how it is read...that said, I believe the rule is: If you use puncuation, (You do) then use it throughout the piece, (You don't; I see commas, but no periods. I see sentences, I think, but it is not clear where they start and end. If this is intentional, then I would remove all punctuation, and let the reader flit along or float along unaided by punctuation. If you want things to read as a definitly defined thought or sentence, then use punctuation. The first three lines are exceptional!! The next three awesome, also! I love your word choices... >"gnoshing green leaves". Do some editing and I would be tempted to give it a 9...*smile*, as I don't give 10's.
regarding some deleted poem...	11-Jul-05/7:24 AM
uh...not one of my favorites...sorry.
Re: Roundabout by nentwined	11-Jul-05/7:44 AM
No capitalization, no sentence structure...so why use periods?! I would drop them. Use puncutaion throughout, or don't use it at all... Dissonance? as in:> the opposite of harmony, discord, disagreement, conflict, difference, or difference of opinion? (Is that the word you intended to use?...Just wondering.) The only glaring change I would make would be to put "warming our body" together in one line, then "and pushing the mind into" in the next line.(maybe even drop the "and") (As it is, seems like a typo, and put together it has more 'punch'.) here> "warming our body and pushing the mind into" ...and shouldn't it be bodies, since you are talking about a group...but maybe not perhaps, if you are collectively calling the group a body. Interesting poem...I like it, gave you a fairly high score for it, based on its content and imagery,though it has a few flaws.
regarding some deleted poem...	11-Jul-05/7:47 AM
ugh...sorry..."I guess not"?! "I shan't"...man...I was going to just rehit randome, again, and not leave a comment...but I feel I should comment to what I read, as that's why it is here...so...sorry...this sucks.
Re: mental collides by nentwined	11-Jul-05/7:54 AM
This made me chuckle...clever. I am undecided about the ending "not yet." Not sure if I would have put that in or dropped it. I love your style...how format follows the thought trippingly along...I just love it! (and I can be quite a critical _itch!)LOL.
Re: Take Four by NanceXToo	11-Jul-05/8:00 AM
LOL....funny...tragic...glaringly naked...and refreshingly honest, albiet cynical...and a little scary. Very good! Gave it a 9...are you sure You are not the perfectionist? LOL!
Re: the room's a'spinnin' by nentwined	11-Jul-05/8:01 AM
LOL...cute!
regarding some deleted poem...	11-Jul-05/8:02 AM
?...I don't get it...and don't have the desire to...sorry.
Re: paint me a poem (try 2) by nentwined	11-Jul-05/8:06 AM
WOO-HOO! *clap *clap...take a bow! (Except...don't capitalizations count for anything? If you used punctuation, then why not capital letters?) Gave you a nine anyway....I don't give 10's...at least not yet!
Re: overwhelmed by nentwined	11-Jul-05/8:10 AM
Again no capitalization! Every single little thing in perfect place, and yet, no capitalization! Fix (or get over your aversion to) capitalization...and then submit your stuff! I have read enough to be of the opinion that you should submit for publication...no editor needed! (EXCEPT the lack of capitalization!) 9 again...waiting for that impossible chance to say "10!"
Re: dit da haiku by nentwined	11-Jul-05/8:18 AM
*smirk...hmmm....
regarding some deleted poem...	11-Jul-05/8:41 AM
Is there a name for this type of poem?
Re: I Can Write A Wrong, But I Can't Right A Poem by horus8	11-Jul-05/9:00 AM
LMAO...AWESOME...Woo-Hoo...What a strange and comical tid-bit of diabolical fun!
Re: Not All Scars by coffeeangel316	11-Jul-05/9:02 AM
...someone gimme a rope...ugh...this was...uhm...keep writing...maybe time will do something.