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She Cries (Free verse) by holden_caulfield
The guarded walls crumbled. Stars dripped from the sky Leaving me black and empty. Wake and talk, transcribe, tell the terrible tale. Cold and desolate rain of stars, A storm of pain in a crystal dream. Take me away from this place, she said. This mud veined blood stained place. Trembling fear in the garden, Tinged with suppressed desires. If we do leap forward the past will follow. To remain, however, is a victory for the, "what has been". The future ship will sail silently in the morning mists, Fall gently upon us like a snowflake on a winter branch, Naked and brittle but always prepared. This evening has made me stronger, My insight has grown and blossomed. When this winter ends we will dance among The streams of gentle warming sun.

Down the ladder: To my heart

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 5.2727275
Weighted score: 5.272636
Overall Rank: 3804
Posted: March 16, 2002 1:12 AM PST; Last modified: March 16, 2002 1:12 AM PST
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Comments:
[1]... anonymous @ | 10-Sep-01/4:30 AM | Reply
almost other worldly of another time...
[1]... anonymous @ | 4-Apr-02/1:07 PM | Reply
this is like a tapestry of gauze, many layered, but vague. Try to sieze one thing and make it breathe.
[1]... anonymous @ 138.16.130.2 | 13-May-02/3:14 PM | Reply
take out some words and add some dischord to the first (pre couplet at the end) bit. The rhyme would me more satisfying if the parts preceding were harder to follow.
[4] Goad @ 217.82.6.238 | 23-Jan-04/4:38 PM | Reply
Who the fuck is she? WHY did the stars become runny? Let me get this straight: a naked ship is going to fall on us gently like a snowflake out of the winter mists? A ship... Okey dokey. How can the gentle, floating ship be both brittle and snowflake-like?
[4] LilMsLadyPoet @ 205.188.116.139 | 14-Jun-05/4:53 PM | Reply
I see some awesome lines and words in this....keep writing! These caught my attention>"Stars dripped from the sky/Leaving me black
and empty."
"This mud veined blood stained place." (mud-veined, blood-stained place) and "Fall gently upon us like a snowflake on a winter branch, Naked and brittle
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