Re: I Can't Believe He Killed Her by jessicazee	14-Oct-05/11:52 AM
The "!" after "happy" sounds kinda crazy. Since when can't ghosts talk? Usually they aren't heard but...
Re: The End by Caducus	14-Oct-05/11:44 AM
First two lines don't make sense to me (Please explain) and you carry the metaphor for 3 verses and then abandon it for something completely different. Should you lose the last line of S4? -Yes and also all of S4 and S5. Save most of S4 though for another poem. There's some good stuff in it. When every line in the first 3 stanzas are the same metaphor your kinda stuck with it and you got to stay with it. Did you mean "Seppuku"? Some real good lines in it though.
Re: Was Everyone Put On This Earth For A Reason by cabot	14-Oct-05/5:49 AM
We were put here to make plastic. Now that that's been done the earth has decided to exterminate us via tsunami, hurricanes and the bird flu.
Re: Creatures That Crawl To Me by D P Robertson	14-Oct-05/5:40 AM
See I thought the DP stood for Double Penetration.
Re: Being The Best by cabot	13-Oct-05/4:30 PM
Study meter in poetry and then edit.
Re: a comment on Sleep by ALChemy	13-Oct-05/4:08 PM
Thank'ya young'un. If an 8 is "awsome" then a 10 for you must be downright orgasmic. Sadly I've never read a poem that's done the latter for me yet. By the way I looked up your spelling of "awsome" and it's actually excepted as a word. Ironically "thank'ya" is not.
Re: a comment on Adelaide by wilco	13-Oct-05/3:46 PM
It still comes off as love between you and something (city or woman or whatever) and the bullet wounds and other more subtle things imply war even if it's some kind of metaphor. You humanized a city but left pretty much no clue to us geographically challenged that it was a city you were talking to. Unless different interpretations is what your going for it's not necessarily a good thing. I still like its melodic qualities.
Re: a comment on Take heart, you are closer than you know by Bobjim	13-Oct-05/3:18 PM
Go to http://www.eliteskills.com/writing_scams/poetry.com.scam.php for more info. It also gives a list of other famous writer scams. Don't feel bad. I submitted. Hell, it was free and they give you that letter to show off to gullible women who like poets. So far no proof that these women exist though. My suggestion: Hurry up and delete your poem here and resubmit it sans comments.
Re: a comment on Take heart, you are closer than you know by Bobjim	13-Oct-05/6:16 AM
Not me. I'm more than happy for you and your Christian poetry publication fans. No really though who published it? Trust me I'm not the one you should be readying for but maybe you'll luck out.
Re: a comment on Sleep by ALChemy	13-Oct-05/5:47 AM
Originally it was written with a sleep/death comparison. Mega cliche huh? I'm just too damn lazy to change more than two lines at a time I guess. It seems like whenever I start a sonnet I get all preachy in the end. I actually think the Jesus of your dreams idea is a good way to describe your dream self. You may be right though that it seems forced into this poem. Probably because it was.
Re: a comment on I don't rhyme enough, eh? by Niphredil	13-Oct-05/5:28 AM
No real arguement from me on this one... Ok. Did you recover from your shock induced heart attack. I think rap is a little closer to what strait out liturature poetry is than the more music driven forms. So it seems to be the one most commonly agued nowadays. I saw two poets aguing it on CSPAN's Book TV and I thought the same thing. Duh. The internet has revived poetry as written word somewhat but soon that will fade away also. Like a slow draining of water out of a fish's bowl. Just curious I guess were you guys think poetry is going to go next. Sorry that's another way over done topic. Nevermind. Don't mind me I'm a little buzzed on cough syrup right now. I appologize again profusely.
Re: Tonight’s Halloween by TLRufener	12-Oct-05/3:00 PM
By your login name I wouldn't think a gother.
Re: Adelaide by wilco	12-Oct-05/2:55 PM
It's kind of in limbo. Either focus more on the love story or the war story. The writing style comes off as sincere and that's a real good thing. Try to avoid rhyming th first verse and then not rhyming the others.
Re: a comment on Take heart, you are closer than you know by Bobjim	12-Oct-05/2:07 PM
Warning: Prepare for the onslaught.
Re: a comment on 10/8 by cronus	12-Oct-05/5:31 AM
My dad'a like that. He'll formulate a group of thoughts in his head and not realize which thoughts he actually spoke and which one's stayed unspoken in his head. He's been known to quite literally start a story or conversation right in the middle as if you had been talking for the last 15 minutes on it (and you just blacked out or something) because in his head he has been talking. Not saying that Zodiac is like this. I think he just sometimes thinks on a higher plain than us, like Denver or space.
Re: a comment on I don't rhyme enough, eh? by Niphredil	12-Oct-05/5:07 AM
Actually we're both mistaken. Hip-hop isn't poetry, rap is. Hip-hop is just the name for the lifestyle they lead. Of course rap is poetry but some people believe poetry should be something seperate and I didn't want to piss on that perception just yet. So yes I pussied out and contradicted myself there. I don't care about the 'Is rap poetry' question or who's color blind. I was talking about how it seems to be the only contemporary poetic movement that's having a major affect on sociaty. I get 2pac but DMX?
Re: Rocky Road by Dovina	12-Oct-05/4:46 AM
Did you mean "a place OF sweet remembrance" A really fun read with a groovy beat.
Re: a comment on Sleep by ALChemy	11-Oct-05/3:26 PM
I've considered dropping all the periods. I think it will work without them. Sonnets can be quite a struggle. I'm not sure it won't be a little confusing without "Till then" but I'll think that over a bit. I don't think this one beats your last sonnet.
Re: a comment on I don't rhyme enough, eh? by Niphredil	11-Oct-05/3:13 PM
And if these lidicrous so called poets can effect culture so much just think of what a good poet could do in that genre. A bad lyrical poet does not mean lyrical poetry is bad nor does a bad rapper make rap bad.
Re: a comment on The Servant and The Messenger by ALChemy	11-Oct-05/2:57 PM
I still respect your opinion. Balls or no balls.