Re: Duff firs, Nawal by zodiac	4-Dec-05/8:01 AM
That came out so good that now I'm actually kinda frightened of you. I defy John Updike to do something like this. 10+
Re: Shoebox Thoughts by BrandonW	4-Dec-05/7:08 AM
"Grandma it's me, Brandon." "Oh my god! Are you here to rape me? HELP, HELP, RAPE!" "No grandma it's me your grandson Brandon." "Oh god. HELP! Henry, the rapist is trying to rape our grandson!"
Re: Popular Lovers by wilco	4-Dec-05/7:01 AM
Send this to Bon Jovi.
Re: Until the Façade Comes Down by TLRufener	4-Dec-05/6:58 AM
...And we without. But you will. One as I. You and I as nothing. Everything we, a we(e) nothing therefor(e). I knew there was some good poetry in there.
Re: a comment on Calenders, Painters and the Boy who imagined Everything by avery	4-Dec-05/6:37 AM
I once was, sort of. Whenever I fell in the campfire I didn't burn very well. Probably 'cause I was usually covered with my spilt bear/vomit/piss soaked clothes.
Re: a comment on Another Chapter by TLRufener	4-Dec-05/6:28 AM
You dated Rick Flair's daughter? Have you seen Hulk Hogan's daughter? 2 more years and counting.
Re: a comment on Another Chapter by TLRufener	4-Dec-05/6:26 AM
Ace.
Re: a comment on The Long-Tailed Bird by Zoe	4-Dec-05/6:22 AM
But it's like repetition trying not to sound repetitious and always failing. It affects me no differently than if it didn't use the same 6 words at the end. Seems more like a parlor trick to me. At least your's was a unique version.
Re: a comment on One by rahson_s	4-Dec-05/5:55 AM
OK you win this one but just try and deny that The Bronx is filthy.
Re: forever mourning by outofdarkness138	3-Dec-05/9:09 AM
First two verses are weak. Does this ring a bell? "Where, oh where are you tonight? Why did you leave me here all alone? I searched the world over and thought I found true love. You met another and Phht! you were gone." The rest of it seems to work ok.
Re: Calenders, Painters and the Boy who imagined Everything by avery	3-Dec-05/8:36 AM
"fiery fireplaces burn with a warm lush" is the worst thing I've ever read. Ever. It seems like you tried to cram every poem you ever wrote into 4 stanzas. I see potential in you though. -5- This should give you room to either improve or decline.
Re: Light within darkness by Caducus	3-Dec-05/8:22 AM
It seems most of the times Jesus wept in the bible it was followed by a resurrection. I'm not sure if that's any consolation to you or not but... http://www.soulfoodministry.org/docs/JesusWept.htm
Re: A Joining Of Souls (edit) by Caducus	3-Dec-05/8:09 AM
Was she giving you a blowjob in the second stanza? Give her this poem. Maybe she'll give you another one. A little sappy though. -7-? Nah, I'll giv'im an -8-
Re: Searching by celticskatermatt1	3-Dec-05/7:59 AM
See comments on this page and relate. http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=134444
Re: Another Chapter by TLRufener	3-Dec-05/7:54 AM
"No more, love more hand to hold"? Check this out: An empty page but to afraid to look Wanting to see an unfinished book Unwritten words between you and me Undone deeds scared to be seen Another chapter, more hand to hold No more, love forever untold Secrets unspoken to fill up my head One more thought when they need to be said Another chapter to keep on the light No more reasons, I will never write With one last chance for us to try You turn from me and say goodbye. Like refrigerator poem magnets. Think of things about you and your lover that are unique. Like "No more Vodka semen shots."
Re: a comment on The Long-Tailed Bird by Zoe	3-Dec-05/7:06 AM
What is the point of a sestina anyway?
Re: One by rahson_s	3-Dec-05/6:59 AM
Either "momentarily," or ", momentary". The only way I can think of to make racism disappear is for every guy to start impegnating only girls of a different race. In a thousand years or so it'll be too hard to tell the difference between us. I've only passed through The Bronx on the way to Kennedy and from what little of it I saw it was filthy.
Re: The Long-Tailed Bird by Zoe	3-Dec-05/6:43 AM
I think you need to use some conjunctions and articles. Right now the condensed sentences sound too modern for a story that seems like an old folktale. Impressive nonetheless. -9-
Re: I'm walking thorough void by Prince of Void	3-Dec-05/6:17 AM
There seem to be voids in your sentences. I'll assume this is intentional. Good Idea if so but you could have used it more interestingly if you did it in a traumatic story like: I was on a whitewater rapids trip with my-void-bango played-void-unzipped his fly-void-"Say it pig"-void-"WEEEE! WEEEE!
Re: a comment on A Modern Woman by Dovina	2-Dec-05/2:59 PM
What, no hug? Nonetheless I am flattered.