| Re: Small Furies by Enkidu |
6-Oct-05/7:19 PM |
You might as well use "done did" if you're going to use "did" that way (like you were answering a question). "knobs-a-turning" and "bulbs-a-burning" a case of style juxt-a-posing.
Some good stuff though.
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| Re: His Secret in the Woods by TLRufener |
9-Oct-05/8:38 AM |
Starts off like a Garth Brooks song.
Repetition can be good in poetry but in some places it's a little annoying.
Lots of potential.
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| Re: 10/8 by cronus |
9-Oct-05/8:44 AM |
Why do I think of Bon Jovi's "Dead or Alive" when I read this?
We may never know.
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| Re: 10/8 by cronus |
9-Oct-05/8:47 AM |
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If you sacrificed all that you loved then you can't love god. You can't blame him for not caring.
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| Re: Gnarly Knees by Dovina |
9-Oct-05/8:52 AM |
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What if he says "I love you ON your knees"?
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
9-Oct-05/8:55 AM |
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Did the old bait and switch on us.
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| Re: The Enigmatic Pentagram by ObsequiousGem |
10-Oct-05/2:17 AM |
Should use 5 line stanzas or 3 stanzas with 6 lines. You know how the devil likes his numbers.
The vote of 5 a tad bit ironic.
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| Re: In the berth by INTRANSIT |
11-Oct-05/4:05 AM |
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I just posted a poem with the same title (guess I shoulda checked first). This one's better in some ways but also much easier to write.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
11-Oct-05/4:36 AM |
You certainly are one horny little bastard.
I can recognize my own kind from a mile away.
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| Re: Rocky Road by Dovina |
12-Oct-05/4:46 AM |
Did you mean "a place OF sweet remembrance"
A really fun read with a groovy beat.
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| Re: Adelaide by wilco |
12-Oct-05/2:55 PM |
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It's kind of in limbo. Either focus more on the love story or the war story. The writing style comes off as sincere and that's a real good thing. Try to avoid rhyming th first verse and then not rhyming the others.
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| Re: Tonightâs Halloween by TLRufener |
12-Oct-05/3:00 PM |
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By your login name I wouldn't think a gother.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
13-Oct-05/4:21 PM |
You'll need grown-up ID to drink at this watering hole.
Uh-oh , look out here come the bouncers.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
13-Oct-05/4:25 PM |
You rhymed "way" and "day" twice in a short poem.
Priceless.
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| Re: Being The Best by cabot |
13-Oct-05/4:30 PM |
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Study meter in poetry and then edit.
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| Re: Creatures That Crawl To Me by D P Robertson |
14-Oct-05/5:40 AM |
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See I thought the DP stood for Double Penetration.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
14-Oct-05/5:42 AM |
Not quite as repetitious as your posts.
I thought they put a limit on them.
At least make it new poems.
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| Re: Was Everyone Put On This Earth For A Reason by cabot |
14-Oct-05/5:49 AM |
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We were put here to make plastic. Now that that's been done the earth has decided to exterminate us via tsunami, hurricanes and the bird flu.
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| Re: The End by Caducus |
14-Oct-05/11:44 AM |
First two lines don't make sense to me (Please explain) and you carry the metaphor for 3 verses and then abandon it for something completely different.
Should you lose the last line of S4? -Yes and also all of S4 and S5. Save most of S4 though for another poem. There's some good stuff in it. When every line in the first 3 stanzas are the same metaphor your kinda stuck with it and you got to stay with it.
Did you mean "Seppuku"?
Some real good lines in it though.
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| Re: I Can't Believe He Killed Her by jessicazee |
14-Oct-05/11:52 AM |
The "!" after "happy" sounds kinda crazy.
Since when can't ghosts talk? Usually they aren't heard but...
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