poemranker ::20 most recent comments by ALChemy (481-500)

Comments byALChemy, 481–500 back. Include replies

on Small Furies by Enkidu 6 Oct 2005, 7:19 PM
You might as well use "done did" if you're going to use "did" that way (like you were answering a question). "knobs-a-turning" and "bulbs-a-burning" a case of style juxt-a-posing.
Some good stuff though.
on Adelaide by wilco 12 Oct 2005, 2:55 PM
It's kind of in limbo. Either focus more on the love story or the war story. The writing style comes off as sincere and that's a real good thing. Try to avoid rhyming th first verse and then not rhyming the others.
on His Secret in the Woods by TLRufener 9 Oct 2005, 8:38 AM
Starts off like a Garth Brooks song.
Repetition can be good in poetry but in some places it's a little annoying.
Lots of potential.
on 10/8 by cronus 9 Oct 2005, 8:44 AM
Why do I think of Bon Jovi's "Dead or Alive" when I read this?
We may never know.
on 10/8 by cronus 9 Oct 2005, 8:47 AM
If you sacrificed all that you loved then you can't love god. You can't blame him for not caring.
on Gnarly Knees by Dovina 9 Oct 2005, 8:52 AM
What if he says "I love you ON your knees"?
on some deleted poem 9 Oct 2005, 8:55 AM
Did the old bait and switch on us.
on The Enigmatic Pentagram by ObsequiousGem 10 Oct 2005, 2:17 AM
Should use 5 line stanzas or 3 stanzas with 6 lines. You know how the devil likes his numbers.

The vote of 5 a tad bit ironic.
on some deleted poem 11 Oct 2005, 4:36 AM
You certainly are one horny little bastard.

I can recognize my own kind from a mile away.
on Tonight’s Halloween by TLRufener 12 Oct 2005, 3:00 PM
By your login name I wouldn't think a gother.
on some deleted poem 13 Oct 2005, 4:21 PM
You'll need grown-up ID to drink at this watering hole.

Uh-oh , look out here come the bouncers.
on In the berth by INTRANSIT 11 Oct 2005, 4:05 AM
I just posted a poem with the same title (guess I shoulda checked first). This one's better in some ways but also much easier to write.
on Being The Best by cabot 13 Oct 2005, 4:30 PM
Study meter in poetry and then edit.
on Rocky Road by Dovina 12 Oct 2005, 4:46 AM
Did you mean "a place OF sweet remembrance"

A really fun read with a groovy beat.
on Was Everyone Put On This Earth For A Reason by cabot 14 Oct 2005, 5:49 AM
We were put here to make plastic. Now that that's been done the earth has decided to exterminate us via tsunami, hurricanes and the bird flu.
on some deleted poem 13 Oct 2005, 4:25 PM
You rhymed "way" and "day" twice in a short poem.



Priceless.
on Creatures That Crawl To Me by D P Robertson 14 Oct 2005, 5:40 AM
See I thought the DP stood for Double Penetration.
on some deleted poem 14 Oct 2005, 5:42 AM
Not quite as repetitious as your posts.
I thought they put a limit on them.
At least make it new poems.
on The End by Caducus 14 Oct 2005, 11:44 AM
First two lines don't make sense to me (Please explain) and you carry the metaphor for 3 verses and then abandon it for something completely different.
Should you lose the last line of S4? -Yes and also all of S4 and S5. Save most of S4 though for another poem. There's some good stuff in it. When every line in the first 3 stanzas are the same metaphor your kinda stuck with it and you got to stay with it.

Did you mean "Seppuku"?

Some real good lines in it though.
on I Can't Believe He Killed Her by jessicazee 14 Oct 2005, 11:52 AM
The "!" after "happy" sounds kinda crazy.

Since when can't ghosts talk? Usually they aren't heard but...