| Re: Surpass the Dream by darkhelmet10 |
26-Oct-02/6:55 PM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
26-Oct-02/6:57 PM |
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Frankly, I think this keeps getting worse and worse at each revision.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
26-Oct-02/6:58 PM |
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Change the last four words. For God's sake change them.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
26-Oct-02/7:01 PM |
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To be pedantic, while it is true that in its early Italian days the sonnet occasionally varied its number of lines, up to twenty, it has internationally stabilised at 14. Also, it has a rhyme scheme. This poem has neither. Just thought I'd let you know. Also, 'I will bend when I need to bend' sounds suspiciously naughty to prurient minds like mine and others'.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
27-Oct-02/10:07 AM |
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The hell with the ovaltine.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
28-Oct-02/7:55 PM |
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I suggest you figure out WHAT this request is, and simply present it. This is quite boring. And 'I need time to be alone, to restore myself spiritually and to gain focus' is quite simply dreadful
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| Re: Bleeding by invernalmariposa |
28-Oct-02/7:56 PM |
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The last two or three lines are perhaps of value.
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| Re: other by ThreeFourSix |
28-Oct-02/7:57 PM |
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This is amusing. But it could be such better poetry, and just as funny. I judge it as poetry and deem it bad.
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| Re: ... by logun2002ya |
28-Oct-02/8:00 PM |
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Quite obvious you were never good in English. I'll let you in on a secret: 'I', as in the pronoun that means 'me', is spelt 'I', not 'eye'. 'Eye' is your eye, as in the gooey thing stuck in your skull you use to see. Much quicker to just write 'I'.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
28-Oct-02/8:20 PM |
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Go put on your bunny costume, it will make much more sense for you to want to fuck them then.
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| Re: In the Valley of Two-Dollar Pints of Red Hook IPA by <~> |
28-Oct-02/8:28 PM |
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| Re: advice for the heated by <~> |
28-Oct-02/8:31 PM |
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Curses. I thought this was going to be advice to God's wife and Blabbit. How could you dissapoint me so! Sgnif.
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| Re: The Black Hearted Sunflower by anitawit |
29-Oct-02/9:08 AM |
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Though I can be a pedantic purist, in this case, I simply don't find it a very good poem, haiku or not.
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| Re: Selfish by darby pyn |
29-Oct-02/9:09 AM |
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Not bad. Not bloody bad at all. Just one little thing, 'foretell' is the verb. The noun is 'fortelling'. I.e., 'A foretell' makes no sense.
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| Re: Beer by Yardbird |
29-Oct-02/9:13 AM |
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Though I agree with your verdict on beer (though may I add it should be 'horse piss'), as a poem this is almost as detestable as the subject. Or was that the point?
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| Re: End of life by kliq |
29-Oct-02/7:35 PM |
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It starts amusingly, but the ending is ridiculous.
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| Re: Are you spreading it? by Voth269 |
29-Oct-02/7:40 PM |
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No. I am not. It is extremely sanctimonious and boring. I prefer to blaspheme. Bathe in holy water. Get drunk on Christ's blood. Grow fat on consecrated wafers. Burn crucifixes. Laugh at modern churches that look like spaceships about to take off. Hide in the confession booth and read porn to the priest. I must not think about this question, because I know I am not spreading it. I am spreading my own self-glorification. I am laughing in the face of God and burning Bibles. As for the fate I reserve to this poem, I cannot decide, because the Bible at least has some literary merit
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| Re: morning by kiki |
29-Oct-02/9:05 PM |
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| Re: Another Tragic Love Poem by greym0on |
29-Oct-02/9:12 PM |
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Excellent moments, but needs work.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
29-Oct-02/10:17 PM |
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All right, all right, all right, I believe you when you say you were a genius back then too. Did I ever doubt you? It's sort of nice to know that even then you could write far, far better than most of the people on here can now. Now then, should I vote on this as I would if I didn't know the title, or vote on it taking your age into account...
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