Re: Rainbow by TwilightDawned	5-Jul-04/2:38 PM
Rainbows don't flicker. Other images are inaccurate of language. It's a common theme and hard to do well.
Re: Urbane Jane by MacFrantic	5-Jul-04/2:35 PM
This is good. Good title. Try removing "confined to" from "an air of vanity, thus giving her some choice. "faltered ego" seems imprecise, maybe faulted.
Re: a comment on Paradelle of Progress by Dovina	5-Jul-04/2:27 PM
Very cute, but you're not following the paradelle form.
Re: a comment on Paradelle of Progress by Dovina	5-Jul-04/2:13 PM
It may not be worth the trouble.
Re: a comment on Revision by Dovina	5-Jul-04/2:13 PM
But it's such a dignified ritualistic passing.
Re: a comment on Translation by Dovina	5-Jul-04/2:10 PM
Thanks and welcome back. How was the beach?
Re: a comment on Translation by Dovina	5-Jul-04/10:21 AM
Assuming for continuation that all of your diatribe is true, how do you explain the girl's difficulty in making me understand her feeling?
Re: a comment on Paradelle of Progress by Dovina	5-Jul-04/10:17 AM
What may I do to impress you?
Re: a comment on Panic by Bobjim	5-Jul-04/9:44 AM
If you believed it a masterpiece, you would run in little circles, wave your arms and shout, "I'm insulted."
Re: Panic by Bobjim	5-Jul-04/9:34 AM
Cute.
Re: Paradelle of Progress by Dovina	5-Jul-04/9:14 AM
Note: The paradelle is one of the more demanding French fixed forms, first appearing in love poetry of the eleventh century. It’s a poem of four six-line stanzas in which the first and second lines, and the third and fourth lines, of the first three stanzas, must be identical. The fifth and sixth lines, which traditionally resolve these stanzas, must use all the words from the preceding lines and only those words. The final stanza must use every word from all the preceding stanzas and only those words. Here I have presented only the first stanza, hoping to perfect all six stanzas into a monumental epitaph. I can then die having accomplished a worthy life’s mission.
Re: Tale of a mermaid by sanity	5-Jul-04/9:09 AM
I see the impassable path and your family's wrath, but not quite getting the last line. Was it really impassable?
Re: a comment on Translation by Dovina	5-Jul-04/8:53 AM
"Any information lost in the translation can only be meaningless"? How silly! All languages contain cultural shades of meaning that don't translate well, especially when trying to translate one of the "romantic" language into English. The poet in this poem, whose native tongue is Spanish, tried to aid my understanding of her meaning, but could do so only partly through her learned lanuage, English. For me, it was like seeing through a tarnished glass.
Re: Tapestry Years by Quarton	4-Jul-04/10:00 AM
What a great future! I think even the footprints in time blow away. A tapestry carefully woven and inevitibly unraveled. Please see my comment on Time's End.
Re: a comment on Chaos & his dreamchild (genesis) --Revised Edition-- by SupremeDreamer	4-Jul-04/9:10 AM
You're right, sorry.
Re: Chaos & his dreamchild (genesis) --Revised Edition-- by SupremeDreamer	4-Jul-04/8:45 AM
I like it because it provokes thinking about the possible "illusion of order and substance." Try leaving out "then" in the last verse.
Re: a comment on Chaos & his dreamchild (genesis) --Revised Edition-- by SupremeDreamer	4-Jul-04/8:37 AM
Then why did you give it a 1?
Re: summers' dream by sanity	4-Jul-04/8:23 AM
Sane, yes. Interesting, sorta.
Re: Your sad goodbye by sanity	4-Jul-04/8:21 AM
I like the repeated line "Clouds above forming" with its shades of meaning, and rhyming lines 2 and 4. There must be a name for this. "Echoes as we part" or "Your sad goodbyes to me"
Re: War of kites and fireflies by fevriere	4-Jul-04/8:15 AM
I love this. "War" doesn't seem right though for kites praying of fireflies. The fireflies can only try to dart away. Then as "letters" of birds reel above, it seems some connection with the first line is needed. Like "razed haze of high English summer"