Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
 Search:
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

Chaos & his dreamchild (genesis) --Revised Edition-- (Free verse) by SupremeDreamer
Chaos breathed in deep the air that was not exhaling life in an illusion of order and substance. His eyes forged vision to unveil the dream exotic; a cosmos without limits sublime in its raw youth. Chaos gazed with imagination, saw the meaning that was not and leaned close to his dreamchild spilling his spirit to become the dream that was not. He left meaning and purpose unformed, so that the dreams' wild children could forge their own visions their own meaning their own purpose to then become whole and one with that which is not.

Up the ladder: a toast to the sky
Down the ladder: A Forever Splintered Heart

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10
.. 10

Arithmetic Mean: 3.6666667
Weighted score: 4.8410625
Overall Rank: 10670
Posted: December 30, 2003 11:47 AM PST; Last modified: July 3, 2004 9:26 PM PDT
View voting details
Comments:
[8] Caducus @ 195.92.168.171 | 31-Dec-03/6:07 AM | Reply
Liked it, one reason i did was because it has at least 2 parts it can be ended with an impact.

Loved the 1st 3 big time.
[10] Dovina @ 24.52.157.176 > Caducus | 4-Jul-04/8:37 AM | Reply
Then why did you give it a 1?
[n/a] SupremeDreamer @ 204.31.161.7 > Dovina | 4-Jul-04/8:57 AM | Reply
He didn't, he gave me an eight for the first version months ago. You'll notice that beneath the voting graph there is a link called "view voting details", click it and you'll see that sanity was the one who gave me a one.

Just wanted to clear that up so no one gets blamed for someone elses vote heh.
[10] Dovina @ 24.52.157.176 > SupremeDreamer | 4-Jul-04/9:10 AM | Reply
You're right, sorry.
[10] Dovina @ 24.52.157.176 | 4-Jul-04/8:45 AM | Reply
I like it because it provokes thinking about the possible "illusion of order and substance."

Try leaving out "then" in the last verse.
[n/a] SupremeDreamer @ 204.31.161.7 > Dovina | 4-Jul-04/9:01 AM | Reply
Heh, yeah, it's a bit more fluid without "then".. the things a poet will notice in time, tsk, it's amazing the things I've written in the past and the little hiccups I find in them now or not too far off into the future.. I've deducted it from my pc copy. I'm happy you enjoyed the piece, and appreciate you vote and feedback.
351 view(s)




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2019 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001