poemranker ::the secret language of clouds by fair12

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Free verse № 108957

the secret language of clouds

Member since 2003 · Posted 23 Jul 2004 · 2 comments

today the sky turned five shades of grey with bone white fingers, cutting clarity from our sight as though a scythe through the air the wind became a poem with bending branches, swaying words in a world of once spoken truths, scratching voices meant for whispers in the late afternoon of Wednesday’s dying light we starred blankly as rain smeared over windows, each drop a sentence running away with our words like five year-olds we became fascinated by our inability to see the great green world beyond, watched as darkness flanked the earths edges and sighed at blue’s attempt at speach

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2 comments

[8] Dovina 23-Jul-04/3:04 PM Reply
Some good lines here and a good thought. I'd cull a few words - "though" in line 5, "over" in verse 4,
speech
[3] ?-Dave_Mysterious-? 23-Jul-04/6:11 PM Reply
Poorly articulated. E.g. rain is not particularly noted for starring blankly. And were you really smeared over some windows? I suspect you meant:

We stared blankly,
As rain smeared over windows,
Each drop a sentence running away with our words.