Re: I walk with no road by kawakurdi	1-Jan-05/1:35 PM
This could be said with 1/3 as many words and twice the impact.
Re: a comment on Math Poem 3 by Dovina	1-Jan-05/1:28 PM
Give them extra credit for singing under water, or cleaning the blackboard with their tongues, or keeping their fingernails clean, but please, never for writing poetry.
Re: a comment on My Wife by Dovina	31-Dec-04/10:40 AM
Yes, I’m a goil, or a woiman, trying a hand at thinking like a goi. The mission is to think about how a man feels when hen pecked, when made to feel that if he doesn’t conform to her remaking of him, then he doesn’t get her blessing.
Re: Below Tide by D. $ Fontera	31-Dec-04/9:15 AM
Verse 2 is especially nice. It can happen anywhere.
Re: Separation by MacFrantic	31-Dec-04/8:56 AM
A comma after remonstrate would relieve some ambiguity. And conventional spacing would help. It's quite good, really, just hard to wade through at first.
Re: a comment on Math Poem 2 by Dovina	31-Dec-04/8:35 AM
Please return later today for the exciting continuation of math poems. Number 3 will astound you! Happy New Year!
Re: willitwork by FreeFormFixation	31-Dec-04/8:32 AM
The first half implies some trick of writing you are planning, but I don't see it coming through. Quotes around the second half imply a note you left for her to find as if by accident. But the line about a charade doesn't work if that's true.
Re: Elopement by Sasha	31-Dec-04/8:24 AM
Romantic! It's like Beach Villanelle, but better, a lot better. I must complain, however, about "magnified" because anything reflected from a person's eye is not magnified, but reduced in size as in a convex mirror. Overall very appealing.
Re: a comment on Math Poem 2 by Dovina	30-Dec-04/8:09 PM
Wow, that's inspiring! I'm pressing on for cutest of the more cuter!
Re: a comment on A Better God by Dovina	30-Dec-04/12:22 PM
Thanks, I'm still getting it set up - transportation problems and all.
Re: Echo On The Rocks by PsydewaysTears	30-Dec-04/12:05 PM
Comes the picky Dovina, like a bluejay to eat the ladybugs, and ask what all this means. Or rather to say again that I think the thing should give enough clues that I wouldn't have to ask. Okay, she cried, you left, and you feel okay with ending the codependence.
Re: 60,000 tsunami by Acid_moose	30-Dec-04/11:56 AM
They call it an Act of God, as if He consciously did something. You're right, we are nothing.
Re: My Beliefs by jroday	30-Dec-04/11:52 AM
My father taught me "there is as much dignity in tilling a field as in writing a poem." He didn't write poems, but he knew how to till and how to paint. His oil on canvas shows the pain and joy that comes from a row straightly furrowed. I hope that as you recover, yours will depict aspects of a dilemma and its resolution that few of the rest of us can even imagine. This could be called a "Prose Poem." There's a new category here for them. It's a form that allows you to develop ideas like these more fully than you've done here. The ideas and beliefs are good, and could use more rigorous preparation.
Re: Tsunami by auscot	30-Dec-04/11:34 AM
Why not call it Arostic? We call such events "Acts of God" realizing that if a similar quake shook the ocean just 100 miles off the California coast as it did off the Asian coast, that we would have had about five minutes warning, and as many of us probably would have died. Pleasant dreams, and respectful prayers.
Re: a comment on My Wife by Dovina	30-Dec-04/11:19 AM
Sorry, I looked at your website after making that mistake. A good site it is, and best wishes.
Re: a comment on My Wife by Dovina	30-Dec-04/11:17 AM
Love those salted herrings, eh?
Re: a comment on My Wife by Dovina	29-Dec-04/7:33 PM
As a young woman you may laugh, but a lot of older men are caught in traps with women like this. I hope the fresh air will expose some of us to ourselves.
Re: a comment on Distance by Lifeboatman	29-Dec-04/7:30 PM
It's vague because of "nostalgia alumni" which maybe should be "nostalgic alumni." And because of "prophecy non-existent else minimal" which maybe should be "unfulfilled prophesy."
Re: Mosul by Dovina	29-Dec-04/7:17 PM
Could not someone say it's 5-7-5?
Re: a comment on My Wife by Dovina	29-Dec-04/7:16 PM
Are you the real jroday, back from surgery? If so, welcome back. You once talked about a mean woman. I’ve taken the man’s side here and am pleased if it rings true to you.