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Separation (Free verse) by MacFrantic In light
of all the things I've done
The face I've worn
The fights I've won
It seems that you
And you alone
Could make this house
Much less a home
Departure from this quaking ground
From all the ghosts
And frantic sounds
Leaves no time to
Remonstrate
for
Love forsworn
Comes borne of hate
Up the ladder:
The Small Ones
Down the ladder:
The Curlew's Cry (Yr alwad y Gylfinir)
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.5
Posted: December 31, 2004 1:20 AM PST; Last modified: December 31, 2004 1:20 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.1788044 Overall Rank: 4877 Comments:
[9]
Dovina @ 69.175.6.101
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31-Dec-04/8:56 AM
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Reply
A comma after remonstrate would relieve some ambiguity. And conventional spacing would help. It's quite good, really, just hard to wade through at first.
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