regarding some deleted poem...	22-Aug-05/5:28 PM
I do appreciate the intended kindness extended toward me in this time of trouble. To be comforted to this degree of sweetness during a supposed affliction with Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease (CJD), a rare and fatal neurodegenerative disorder of unknown cause, carries a marked degree of gratification. The MOOOOOOOO at the end adds an affectionate touch, as if written by a bull being sucked by a deviant calf. I know where your heart is, so perhaps a more tender metaphor. Regards, Dovina
Re: Leaving the Woods House by zodiac	23-Aug-05/7:47 AM
I hate the restrictions of the sonnet form. But I guess if you give up the stricter Shakespearean ties, then its much easier. I think "we" would be better in "You let it go" to keep it personal. You could drop "ours" in "and then it wasn't ours" What are tenterhooks? The colons distract. Periods would be better. I would make the sex more tender in keeping with the nostalgia of the occasion.
regarding some deleted poem...	23-Aug-05/7:52 AM
Good take on the truck stop rest, especially "ice for the mind or a blanket for the heart." But the 24HR Mobile repair bit seems extraneous.
Re: Letter from Palermo by Caducus	23-Aug-05/12:22 PM
I like the somber rhythm. Wish you'd spell out linoleum.
regarding some deleted poem...	23-Aug-05/1:00 PM
mermaid?
Re: The Big Stupid Dink :) :) by Bethy	23-Aug-05/3:50 PM
When you say ":) :)" in the title, I wonder if it's tongue-in-cheek. As I read, I think not. Maybe :-( And "Stupid" means something like "Arogant" Shave your legs, girl, put on a dress, and have a drink. That's what I do.
regarding some deleted poem...	24-Aug-05/2:30 PM
Somehow the last line sucks. Sorry, I don't mean it that way, it's just the narrator was "siophoned out" and using the foreign "you're" changes the mood. Otherwise good.
Re: Art serves a Purpose by i_am_the_popsicle	24-Aug-05/2:38 PM
Leave out the parts that tell us what we think - "We all have." "you enjoy it." Your idea is good, but look at the grammar, and be a little slyer (is that a word?) in how you say it.
Re: Crisscrossing My Mind by woodstock20000	24-Aug-05/2:45 PM
"I lept to love you" - good. But some of of it is not stated very well. Example: "make the world accept you." - impossible, isn't it.
Re: Quietus Proprietus by INTRANSIT	24-Aug-05/3:17 PM
Funny, we each posted a womens-clothing poem at almost the same time, yours with a sadness, mine with a hope. I like yours a lot, maybe a little jealous of her.
Re: The Moment of Over by Bethy	27-Aug-05/7:18 PM
The rhythm is so good that the few lines out-of-rhythm really stand out.
Re: Out of a White Hole by ALChemy	29-Aug-05/11:59 AM
You've got some great images here. mind's eye brain's gray matter
Re: Present, tense by INTRANSIT	29-Aug-05/7:30 PM
what? Say again.
Re: The Right Thing To Do by Bethy	30-Aug-05/11:11 AM
Oh my goodness! Belay that, I feel I have no goodness. What a romp! I want to ask if it's fiction, but won't.
regarding some deleted poem...	30-Aug-05/11:21 AM
It seems at first that an Ode could not also be a Pimple. It seems also that wit should be with. Then, "note" seems it should be a written note following "runes." If it's a musical note, then "dual" could better be "tied eighth notes" and "tripple" "triplets," and "peak" "crescendo." I'd drop "that" from "that I can control." I think it is neither ode nor pimple, but free verse. The first verse is good.
Re: Letters to Silence by MacFrantic	30-Aug-05/11:28 AM
Yep, it's hard to keep silent. I can feel it! Mostly well said.
regarding some deleted poem...	2-Sep-05/11:09 AM
A few too many words, otherwise good. "in" in the first line, "that is" in line 4. What does "so" add, or even mean, in the last two lines?
Re: Katrina by jessicazee	2-Sep-05/11:14 AM
Yeah, It does look like a galaxy from space. A comma after sink would clarify. A wet what?
regarding some deleted poem...	2-Sep-05/11:29 AM
The ending doesn't work because nothing points to it or develops it. It doesn't fit.
Re: The fight by INTRANSIT	3-Sep-05/6:55 AM
Very naughty! Go straight to your room!