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The Big Stupid Dink :) :) (Free verse) by Bethy Burnt toast
and uncooked eggs,
its been a week,
since I shaved my legs.
The sun shines brightly
through the pouring rain,
he left me here,
to feel nothing but pain.
Two little children,
a sofa, a table, and a cat,
I caught him red handed,
and that was that.
He took the micro-wave
and my "How Too" cook books,
thumbed through my albums,
and stole Dr. Hook.
What a friggin' jerk
the father of my kids,
I keep asking myself,
What the hell I did.
He took my dart board
and the damn darts too,
I hope lightning stirkes his arse,
and frys him in his shoes.
But, that would be terrible,
Don't you all think,
If my kids lost their father,
the big stupid dink!
They'll see for themselves,
unfortunately.
So, I thank God in heaven,
That they will always have me.
Up the ladder:
Tribeca
Down the ladder:
Remember me she said
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.8
Posted: August 23, 2005 1:25 PM PDT; Last modified: August 23, 2005 1:25 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.2145653 Overall Rank: 4390 Comments:
[n/a]
INTRANSIT @ 152.163.100.67
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23-Aug-05/1:51 PM
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Reply
mostly normal stuff. Stealing Dr. Hook is worth goin' after him for.
[n/a]
Bethy @ 24.222.32.220
> INTRANSIT
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23-Aug-05/5:20 PM
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Reply
Thank you INTRANSIT...gosh darn right...lol...:) Bethy
Kind of an Erma Bombeck rant. Dink will get a laugh no matter where you use it.
Most men will turn Big Dink into a complement. It's just the way our egos work. He didn't deserve a poem anyway.
Awww Thanks AL...and your right...I love Erma's words...my friends and I call HIM... "Needle Dick the Bug Fucker"...but it was hard to fit it into my poem...Whaaaa...! :) Bethy hehheehe ha!
When you say ":) :)" in the title, I wonder if it's tongue-in-cheek. As I read, I think not. Maybe :-(
And "Stupid" means something like "Arogant" Shave your legs, girl, put on a dress, and have a drink. That's what I do.
Arogant Dink...oh I like that, Dovina...lol...
O Kee Doe Kee...smoooth legs,a dress, and a drink...hmmmmm maybe I'll bump into Mr.Lucky...lol :) Bethy Oh Yeah...:) :)...my way of saying..HA HA...Cheers!!
Drop the comma after week and it's the best first verse I've seen lately. Stanza 3's good too. The rest could use work. Here are some directions to take it:
1) What can a poem this long talk about besides the guy was a jerk, at least the kids have great me? Possibilities: the real emotion of a guy leaving, even if he wasn't that great; the empty side of the bed; small bits of human contact. 2) I'd like to have the following commandment for all poetry engraved: Thou shalt not sound reproachless. Thou shalt at least leave some tension surrounding whether the narrator's really a great guy (or girl) or not. Also whether or not the narrator's really on the right track or not. Thou shalt at least leave some room for doubt, lest lightning striketh your unhumble head. Like in the one I just posted: The guy's got some sensitivity problems, leaving his house and fucking women like that. And he might not even be so right about things. Maybe he is, but there's a give-and-take, see what I mean? -9 for the first and third stanzas-
Thank you soooo much Zodiac...I see exactly what you mean...hence the new poem...your advice open something up inside me...stick to the topic and feel it...good words of wisdom...:) Bethy
Made me smile. Thank you much.
Thankyou...and smiles are good...:) Bethy
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