| Re: Of the Lady on the Bridge by Verse2Verse |
28-Sep-05/5:33 AM |
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Speculation and joining of speculated ideas is what poetry is and what you've done here. Just leave off the opening remark.
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| Re: Sunrise On The Slag Heap by Caducus |
28-Sep-05/5:37 AM |
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Good, and moves to a goal. The last few lines wrap it up nicely.
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| Re: Electric Light by cyan9 |
28-Sep-05/5:41 AM |
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Too many words. "charred room that had once been ablaze" for example, could be just "charred room."
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| Re: Yield by wilco |
30-Sep-05/6:55 AM |
Dear Wilco,
In a hotmail message, someone might have suggested a Memphis drink. If so, she was adding a friendly reminder that poetry is good as basis for talk and cross check of notions like these, which I might add are pretty good.
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| Re: A Meadow, Among Other Things by Enkidu |
30-Sep-05/3:25 PM |
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Sounds like a dream, and a happy one.
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| Re: Renewal by emilyowey |
1-Oct-05/5:57 PM |
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Nicely said. A leaf turning red is really the departing of green chlorophyl, I'm told.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
2-Oct-05/11:55 AM |
You've got some great lines here, and a good rhythm. "Prisoners with socialite waists,quiet as certain sins."
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| Re: Without my Glasses by Niphredil |
2-Oct-05/12:01 PM |
Don't mind Zodiac, he's heat stricken over there in the Islamic sun. His grammar's gone kaput, and he thinks glasses will relieve his pain.
As for your poem, I'm having trouble with how glasses affect streaks of white that you see, and haw you could see it any better with glasses, looking through the windowshade.
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| Re: What do u think i am! by T. Jonathron Remp |
2-Oct-05/12:05 PM |
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The best part is "a deceitful pathway to empty noise." Zodiac is attracted to you in a spelling or spell-binding way.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
2-Oct-05/5:04 PM |
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The last line changes POV from her to him and blows an otherwise tender scene. I, for one, think it's best to use just one one POV.
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| Re: The Play by Hadasl |
2-Oct-05/5:13 PM |
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Spelling (reenact amends) and grammar (too many to mention) checks would help. mainly, I think a clear idea of what you want to say would be the biggest help.
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| Re: No Aegis by wilco |
3-Oct-05/4:40 AM |
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Hey, it starts off well and then tries to make the metaphoric turn, and bogs into some Tennessee swamp. Still, I see the process and believe it will work with a little more clarity.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
3-Oct-05/4:55 AM |
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One of those nebulous prophetic utterances with an air of supernatural knowledge, but having no substance.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
3-Oct-05/5:34 AM |
"love is hope's suicide"
Starting as a diatribe against Christians, it seems to switch to a description of love, and a somber one. Love is many things, but I'll take a man who's loving, reliable, and tiresome over the flighty kind. That may be hope's suicide, but it sure feels good at night.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
3-Oct-05/10:22 AM |
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| Re: The chestnut by richa |
4-Oct-05/4:18 PM |
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If she drives an Englishman to France, she has more power than you admit.
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| Re: Enigmatic Innocence by Katzclear |
6-Oct-05/4:28 PM |
stoicism is so similar to apathy that the opening lines seem trivial.
Vile existance and survival are not similar, making the next few lines wonderment.
"Steadfast mistaken for diffidence" is a good line.
The last line seems to change the subject.
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| Re: My First Boyfriend by jessicazee |
6-Oct-05/4:30 PM |
From "your waterbed sucked me in" on it's good.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
6-Oct-05/4:33 PM |
How can words correspomd to doorways? Something I'm not getting.
How can reality lie?
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| Re: For my unborn by Caducus |
6-Oct-05/4:37 PM |
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I give birth almost every morning during the half-sleep after dream and before reason. Maybe this is not what you mean, doesn't matter.
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